[INFJ] What things about INFP people upset INFJ people?

What things about INFP people upset INFJ people?

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This is a discussion on What things about INFP people upset INFJ people? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hey guys, I only just joined today, but I've already had the usual (expected) in-depth discussion with one of your ...

  1. #1

    What things about INFP people upset INFJ people?

    Hey guys, I only just joined today, but I've already had the usual (expected) in-depth discussion with one of your lovely INFJ brothers. Much appreciation!

    To briefly explain, I've had an odd relationship with an INFJ man, and we've got that profound soul connection. We also still have such longing for each other, but since I told him that we need some time and space (we'd both unintentionally been hurting each other through misunderstandings), we haven't taken that step to get back together.

    As the same aforementioned lovely INFJ member suggested earlier, it can be a good idea to step back and work on ourselves before trying to get back together, and that is indeed what I have been doing. Though my INFJ guy is always there in the back of my mind, and I miss and love him immensely. I intend to re-connect, and I want to do so with fresh understanding.

    That being said, I'd love to be aware of what aspects of INFPs in ROMANTIC relationships with INFJs is hurtful, disturbing, hard to understand, or just all-around not good for INFJs?

    Is there anything you've felt or noticed that didn't work for you or upset you?

    I don't intend to "change" so much as adapt and find patience through understanding, and having such ideas in mind will, I feel sure, make me more in tune with how better to communicate with him and avoid old hurts.

    Many thanks, guys! I'm looking forward to any input you can give me! I know our dreaminess levels can probably make even the best people want to run headlong into a brick wall.
    AOD III thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown


    @DTsuDTsu

    I would write a book about it but it would be futile because INFPs usually only care for their own subjective sense of right and wrong like they are enlightened individuals about the truth of the reality we live in and they are stubborn about their own "rights" until they realize they were wrong (if they ever realize of course) therefore I personally don't prefer any kind of relationship with anyone who is Fi user and/or type 4, especially INFPs. Self-centered behavior of Fi users and type 4s feels like cancer to those who are a Fe user therefore Fe users may be involved in a relationship with such cancerous types and hoping for something else but in the end their heart will be torn apart probably unless such people are decent and experienced enough to be considered about those they "love", willing to compromise and not be cancerous. I especially think; any INFP who doesn't have high EQ is good for nothing. 'Nuff said.

    I hope the poor INFJ guy will find someone who is Fe user and type 2 or something.

  3. #3

    One thing that comes to mind is just don't send mixed messages that are either catch 22 or are simple impossible to determine which is which. Another would be any kind of entitlement even if it be the little things that are normally never given any thought as those things can be very annoying sometimes.
    DTsuDTsu thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Some INFPs, just like people of any other type, can have such a rigid sense of right and wrong that it can be alienating to feel like nothing you do is right around them unless it's what they would do. That is how many INFPs I have been in relationships with have made me feel. Like their way is the only right way of being a good person. But I think some of it stems from immaturity and that's something one can grow out of, if they acknowledge it is a problem.

    Sometimes I find INFPs overwhelmingly-emotional company. At times this a pleasant experience if we're indulging in a passion we share like art or theatre etc. But there can be times with INFPs can be self-centred and get stuck on talking about themselves and not really being interested to ask questions or listen.

    INFPs can also project a lot of idealism. Many INFJs, including myself, report feeling a major and intense spark upon meeting an INFP for the first time who they have become fast friends or lovers with. Only for that relationship's spark to explode in an argument or fizzle out dramatically because we can struggle to see eye-to-eye. INFPs (and sometimes INFJs too) might suffer from a sudden narrow fantasy for the future they that project onto their friends and family. It can make an INFJ feel like nothing they do around their INFP is good enough to match up to the fantasy they are reaching for.

    And as INFJs primarily use Fe and INFP's use Fi, immature INFPs might annoy INFJs with self-focused interests.

    That being said I'm sure (I know) there are plenty of things INFJs do that must annoy INFPs. So that must be acknowledged too.

  5. #5
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by The Edwardian Spirit View Post
    One thing that comes to mind is just don't send mixed messages that are either catch 22 or are simple impossible to determine which is which.
    Oh fuck! Very fucking good advice. I really dislike the emotional game some INFPs play to make you feel like shit by attacking your sense of morality (the game they play only works on Fi users lol) like you are to blame so they can feel they were right to get rid of the regret that torturing themselves. Because they use Ne and Te that is powered by Fi and Si, they can bring your past "sins" (every "sins" of yours in detail) and fuck you over from every corner and try to make you feel like shit with the information storm they shit like they are right. You try to figure out what the fuck is wrong in their head and try to understand the situation, then, they obviously lie to get rid of you but they think they were not obvious LOL. I'll tell you what the fuck is wrong in some INFPs head; sometimes they imagine things and they fight with your imagination in their head and they blame you for something you will never do. WTF, man.

    Another problem is; some INFPs really don't know what they really want and quickly change their choices just because they feel like it at the moment like why they chose it in the first place and somehow they think you are agreeing to what they were thinking (somehow they talk with your imagination in their head and they conclude you are agree but you have no idea about this imaginary conversation, you are lucky if they didn't fight with your imagination because you are the one who really have to deal with this imaginary BS) therefore they are indecisive. Again; WTF, man.
    Last edited by valosagutas; 02-14-2019 at 05:27 PM. Reason: deleted an unnecessary word

  6. #6
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by lavendersnow View Post
    I'm sure (I know) there are plenty of things INFJs do that must annoy INFPs.
    It's impossible to not annoy INFPs. Unfortunately, it's impossible for some INFPs to not annoy themselves too, therefore they may suicide for stupid reasons.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowbroker View Post
    @DTsuDTsu

    I would write a book about it but it would be futile because INFPs usually only care for their own subjective sense of right and wrong like they are enlightened individuals about the truth of the reality we live in and they are stubborn about their own "rights" until they realize they were wrong (if they ever realize of course) therefore I personally don't prefer any kind of relationship with anyone who is Fi user and/or type 4, especially INFPs. Self-centered behavior of Fi users and type 4s feels like cancer to those who are a Fe user therefore Fe users may be involved in a relationship with such cancerous types and hoping for something else but in the end their heart will be torn apart probably unless such people are decent and experienced enough to be considered about those they "love", willing to compromise and not be cancerous. I especially think; any INFP who doesn't have high EQ is good for nothing. 'Nuff said.

    I hope the poor INFJ guy will find someone who is Fe user and type 2 or something.
    Woo! Someone's angry! I mean, I knew to expect upset answers, but you've clearly had either many bad experiences or just one or a few really, really bad ones. Have you ever considered that maybe you're too closed off? Or that that kind of generalized character assassination (or focus on the worst possible traits of INFPs) could have put INFPs off you? (We do tend to lash out if people hurt us. Would you like the same to be said of your type, though? How would you react if you were generalized and referred to as "cancerous" and innately selfish?) You've also made a lot of assumptions about INFP people being totally wrong in their ways no matter what, which kind of makes it seem like you're also suffering from the "I'm right, everyone else is wrong" bit....

    I say this seriously, because there are INFP people out there, and while you don't necessarily have to deal with them, assuming that you should run the other way no matter what is a bit............well, you fill in the blanks.

    Anyway, thanks for opening my eyes to how some INFJ people think. If the INFJ I'm with ever thought like you, though, I doubt we'd be in the position we're in. I'll try to take what I can from your post, though.

    (For the record, with the INFJ guy I'm referring to, I was always the one compromising. I was always the one listening, even though I know he is a good listener. I made myself vulnerable for him even when he could not give me the same in return, but still I didn't expect anything back. I was the one who recognized that we were hurting each other and took a step back to give us time. It's very likely he's not a mature INFJ yet, and that's also something I can respect and wait for. I'm not saying I'm the most considerate person in the world, but I know for sure that this man is someone I would do anything for and have often known that I would lay my life on the line to protect his. I can't explain it - I just know it. His soul is that beautiful and precious to me. I want nothing more than to understand and compromise. To be completely honest, by your insistence, not feelings about INFPS, but insistence that we are all as nasty as you say, everything I've felt and done the in the relationship couldn't be possible. But you're wrong there.)

    I do wish you luck. Again, thanks for the rant.
    lavendersnow thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by The Edwardian Spirit View Post
    One thing that comes to mind is just don't send mixed messages that are either catch 22 or are simple impossible to determine which is which. Another would be any kind of entitlement even if it be the little things that are normally never given any thought as those things can be very annoying sometimes.
    The mixed messages thing is a great point! It's hard for us, too. We don't always know how to show what we feel, though, so it's not completely intentional! I know sometimes I worry if I'm being clear enough, and even when I think I am, I'm not. It's tough! It's all a bit of a whirlwind for us.

    Could you be elaborate on what you mean about entitlement? That's a new one to me, and I'd love to hear about it!

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by lavendersnow View Post
    Some INFPs, just like people of any other type, can have such a rigid sense of right and wrong that it can be alienating to feel like nothing you do is right around them unless it's what they would do. That is how many INFPs I have been in relationships with have made me feel. Like their way is the only right way of being a good person. But I think some of it stems from immaturity and that's something one can grow out of, if they acknowledge it is a problem.

    Sometimes I find INFPs overwhelmingly-emotional company. At times this a pleasant experience if we're indulging in a passion we share like art or theatre etc. But there can be times with INFPs can be self-centred and get stuck on talking about themselves and not really being interested to ask questions or listen.

    INFPs can also project a lot of idealism. Many INFJs, including myself, report feeling a major and intense spark upon meeting an INFP for the first time who they have become fast friends or lovers with. Only for that relationship's spark to explode in an argument or fizzle out dramatically because we can struggle to see eye-to-eye. INFPs (and sometimes INFJs too) might suffer from a sudden narrow fantasy for the future they that project onto their friends and family. It can make an INFJ feel like nothing they do around their INFP is good enough to match up to the fantasy they are reaching for.

    And as INFJs primarily use Fe and INFP's use Fi, immature INFPs might annoy INFJs with self-focused interests.

    That being said I'm sure (I know) there are plenty of things INFJs do that must annoy INFPs. So that must be acknowledged too.
    I do know some INFPs like this! I might also be one at times. I tend to try to compromise first and foremost (I came from an abusive family, so I learned that compromise was essential in relationships of any kind), but there are also points where I'll do something if I believe it's really right and best for me or the people around me. On the positive side of that, we're not likely to do what we think is wrong for ourselves or others? But I can understand why it could be alienating, especially if you're not feeling heard!

    For the second part, I also agree. I know we can be very emotional! I think INFPs tend to listen very patiently and carefully to others. We don't tend to give advice because we don't feel that's our right to. Although if we do, it's coming from a place where we genuinely believe that it's going to help or soothe the other person. But what happens is that we listen patiently and offer comfort and never tend to get the same back, which builds resentment! Then when we finally meet someone who listens to us, we probably pour all of that built up need onto them (you guys especially, I'd think). I can imagine it's overwhelming, although I promise you that the INFPs in your life (assuming they are not unhealthy) are extremely grateful to you for listening to them and supporting them like that. We so often feel that we never get in return what we give when it comes to listening, being patient, and offering comfort.

    Oddly enough, with my INFJ friends, I feel the same, though! I always listen and ask them questions, and while they do often listen to me, it's hard to get them to ask questions and often they revert back to themselves. I always feel like a huge bore and never heard. :( Not true of the INFJ guy I was mentioning in the initial post, though. He's a very good listener, just doesn't open up as much when asked questions about himself.

    I can see why the idealism could be off-putting, too. That's something I'm not sure how we can work on, as it's an innate part of our characters. I do try to stay realistic while incorporating all the beauty and joys of idealism...but I'm positive I can slip into either side more drastically depending on the situation.

    And yes, there are absolutely things INFJs do that annoy the be-jezus out of me, but no need to hash it out here, hahaha! If anyone ever makes a thread, I'll go for it. But I think being able to understand to some degree and feel endearment over those annoyances is a good thing!

    Thanks so much for the helpful reply!
    lavendersnow thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Oh fuck! Very fucking good advice. I really dislike the emotional game some INFPs play to make you feel like shit by attacking your sense of morality (the game they play only works on Fi users lol) like you are to blame so they can feel they were right to get rid of the regret that torturing themselves. Because they use Ne and Te that is powered by Fi and Si, they can bring your past "sins" (every "sins" of yours in detail) and fuck you over from every corner and try to make you feel like shit with the information storm they shit like they are right. You try to figure out what the fuck is wrong in their head and try to understand the situation, then, they obviously lie to get rid of you but they think they were not obvious LOL. I'll tell you what the fuck is wrong in some INFPs head; sometimes they imagine things and they fight with your imagination in their head and they blame you for something you will never do. WTF, man.

    Another problem is; some INFPs really don't know what they really want and quickly change their choices just because they feel like it at the moment like why they chose it in the first place and somehow they think you are agreeing to what they were thinking (somehow they talk with your imagination in their head and they conclude you are agree but you have no idea about this imaginary conversation, you are lucky if they didn't fight with your imagination because you are the one who really have to deal with this imaginary BS) therefore they are indecisive. Again; WTF, man.
    I really don't know what to say except that you clearly have a special brand of hatred for INFPs, sir. And that you clearly think you know every single one of them innately - which is odd, because if you did, surely you wouldn't have had such problems with them in the first place?

    I hoped to hear about how INFPs actions makes you feel (although I guess, reading between the lines, I got that too), not a grand assumption about what you think they are doing. I don't think this is the place for a character assassination of INFPs as a whole. If you need to rant, please do it elsewhere. It's not what I'm looking for here.


     
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