This is a discussion on Should we be friends? (mid 30s, Married INFJ/f, Single INTJ/m) within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Sour Roses That's all I remember of the song too Can't lie, if I was a mouse/rat ...
I know women who have healthy equal friendships with men - some women with some men - it wouldn't be possible for everyone. It has never been possible for me.
Okay, so I'm married, I am pretty good friends with a male INTJ and I have other very close male friends.
Here are some pointers if you go through with it:
1. The INTJ I know is often careful to keep a certain level of distance. He likes to discuss theories and creative projects with me, but often refers to me as his brother's friend or other types of distancing language. I would suggest accepting this and not trying to push much further as long as you get the Ni connection you're looking for it can be nice.
2. Obviously being super open with your husband helps
3. I'm asexual so I don't totally know how to get around the 'attraction' aspect of things but I find not worrying about it makes everything better. The more you worry about it the more it feels like 'something' is going on and if you don't even assume that 'something' could be going on it tends to not in my experience.
4. Be really vigilant about not getting possessive over the INTJs relationship with other girls. That's a huge potential pitfall, if you don't WANT him to get a girlfriend or you feel threatened by it in any way that's a HUGE red flag and you should immediately rethink your motives and take a step back. INTJs aren't super open with their relationships or feelings so this probably won't help, but with my male ENTP friend it really helps that he talks to me about his dating life like I'm any friend so it feels natural that we're friends and no one is secretly holding out for anything else. If he hid it from me it would feel more like he's trying not to close doors or something.
I hope these make sense
Introverts want meaningful friendships where both parties feel comfortable with who they are that they can have deep conversations, behave naturally and heart to heart every now and then. When they get it they be like "Is this guy in love with me?"
No way! Friends in a group is fine. Casual friends. But keep your distance. Watch the YouTube videos “guys and girls can’t be friends “.
If you are asking the question then my guess is you know the answer is no but you want to be convinced otherwise.
I just read your first post. Just be casual friends with him in class. Keep a distance. Mention your husband in conversation. If you think an INTJ likes you, then they do. They are very selective too. Observing you from a distance could help Gary to see what he would like in a future potential life partner. But I’m assuming you don’t want to ruin your marriage. So be safe.
Your an INFJ... if you feel the inclination to ask a question such as this, you're probably right that it's not legit "friendship" vibes coming from him. I think you just need to give more credence to your gut instinct m'dear.
On a side note I'm pretty new around here... what is all this sx dom sp stuffages going on around here... I'm baffled