[INFJ] How do I ask out my INFJ friend?

How do I ask out my INFJ friend?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Results 1 to 8 of 8
Thank Tree9Thanks
  • 5 Post By odinthor
  • 3 Post By Lucan1010
  • 1 Post By Stopping By Woods

This is a discussion on How do I ask out my INFJ friend? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ...

  1. #1
    ISTJ

    How do I ask out my INFJ friend?

    was thinking about asking my infj friend if she wanted to be more than friends but Iím not sure how to go about it.

    A little background.

    We both go to the same college and have known each other for around half a year. Weíve become very good friends in that time and talk pretty much every day for extended periods until we both say good night and sleep. There have been many signs that are positive, but Iím slightly apprehensive since infjs tend to be friendly with everyone, but I think I may be treated slightly better.

    Ok, my plan was to tell her after hanging out at some point. Iíd wait until towards the end to leave and give her space if needed. I want to try and build up to that by weaving in a more serious tone but Iím not sure if I can manage that. I wanted to say something like:

    Hey Iím really glad weíve become friends and clicked so well bc I didnít think Iíd meet anyone as cool as you here. I really value your friendship and I donít want anything to change but I wanted to tell you that I like you as more than a friend. You donít have to say anything and Iíll leave now to give you some space but I didnít want to leave over summer without telling you how I feel.

    My problem is I want to ask her how she feels, but I think that may put her on the spot and I donít want to do that. She has been known to panic in the face of social confrontation and makes a panic noise. I'm not sure if doing it like this, no matter how subtle will make her extremely uncomfortable. What I want to know, is this a good way to go about it? Also, how will I know if she does like me back? From my research, Iíve found that even if they did like me, they may not immediately tell me.



  2. #2

    Don't ask, because then she'll feel as if her answer is a permanent commitment, and that tends to make us put off answering, or run away (if not both).

    Just let it slowly build momentum without formalizing things:

    Week 1:

    "Hey, let's go grab a snack!"

    Week 2:

    "I was just going to try out that new place around the corner, Bonehead Burgers. Wanna join me and check it out?"

    Week 3:

    "Hey, there's the County Fair week after next. My uncle's a judge in the yodeling competition--like to go see it?"

    Week 4:

    Movie and quick dinner out.

    Week 5:

    Dinner in and chill.

    Week 6:

    And so on.

    You'll find out how she feels by observing her reaction each time to what you propose.

    If you're like me, in due course the moment will come when you just can't do anything further without making your Declaration of Love. Do what you have to do. If she gets flustered and doesn't really answer or respond, don't be downcast, don't give up the ship. A week or two or three of her getting used to the idea without pressure can yield an unexpected positive result [quoth the voice of Experience]. Remember the words without pressure​.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
    ISTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by odinthor View Post
    Don't ask, because then she'll feel as if her answer is a permanent commitment, and that tends to make us put off answering, or run away (if not both).

    Just let it slowly build momentum without formalizing things:

    Week 1:

    "Hey, let's go grab a snack!"

    Week 2:

    "I was just going to try out that new place around the corner, Bonehead Burgers. Wanna join me and check it out?"

    Week 3:

    "Hey, there's the County Fair week after next. My uncle's a judge in the yodeling competition--like to go see it?"

    Week 4:

    Movie and quick dinner out.

    Week 5:

    Dinner in and chill.

    Week 6:

    And so on.

    You'll find out how she feels by observing her reaction each time to what you propose.

    If you're like me, in due course the moment will come when you just can't do anything further without making your Declaration of Love. Do what you have to do. If she gets flustered and doesn't really answer or respond, don't be downcast, don't give up the ship. A week or two or three of her getting used to the idea without pressure can yield an unexpected positive result [quoth the voice of Experience]. Remember the words without pressure​.

    Good luck!
    We've hung out a few times and she's never said no. It's been more of indoorsy type things like watching tv. She kind of likes staying at home inside far more than going out so Idk if this is her idea of hanging out. She insists on hugging me before and after and we're always planning more stuff to do.
    Do you think perhaps I have enough momentum going to actually ask now?

  4. #4

    It sounds like you two know each other well enough, so just ask her something along the lines of "Hey, want to go [insert date activity you both enjoy]?" Just make it clear it's a date, since you guys already hang out a lot; we can be a little oblivious sometimes if you don't make it clear.

    So yes, I'd say you have enough "momentum" to ask her out. It's always possible she won't be interested but she probably won't be weirded out. I'd say there's a good chance she's interested though.
    Kelly Kapowski, Quangos and bpbm thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by odinthor View Post
    "Hey, there's the County Fair week after next. My uncle's a judge in the yodeling competition--like to go see it?"
    *Written down in notebook, and saved for future use*
    odinthor thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Quangos View Post
    was thinking about asking my infj friend if she wanted to be more than friends but I’m not sure how to go about it.

    A little background.

    We both go to the same college and have known each other for around half a year. We’ve become very good friends in that time and talk pretty much every day for extended periods until we both say good night and sleep. There have been many signs that are positive, but I’m slightly apprehensive since infjs tend to be friendly with everyone, but I think I may be treated slightly better.

    Ok, my plan was to tell her after hanging out at some point. I’d wait until towards the end to leave and give her space if needed. I want to try and build up to that by weaving in a more serious tone but I’m not sure if I can manage that. I wanted to say something like:

    Hey I’m really glad we’ve become friends and clicked so well bc I didn’t think I’d meet anyone as cool as you here. I really value your friendship and I don’t want anything to change but I wanted to tell you that I like you as more than a friend. You don’t have to say anything and I’ll leave now to give you some space but I didn’t want to leave over summer without telling you how I feel.

    My problem is I want to ask her how she feels, but I think that may put her on the spot and I don’t want to do that. She has been known to panic in the face of social confrontation and makes a panic noise. I'm not sure if doing it like this, no matter how subtle will make her extremely uncomfortable. What I want to know, is this a good way to go about it? Also, how will I know if she does like me back? From my research, I’ve found that even if they did like me, they may not immediately tell me.
    i think you'd be overtalking. just tell her how much you appreciate her and see how she responds. if she responds well you could ask her somehow like maybe send a cute "be mine" teddy bear gif or something. idk. something sweet and romantic that will tell her how you feel about her. don't know if that would feel natural for you, but it'd an easy way to do it.

  7. #7

    Have you tried weaving in more uh, romantic type content into your convos? Maybe a compliment here or there? E.g. say you read this story about online dating then twist the convo to talk about your own dating lives.

    Back when I was still hitting on my bf, I told him "You better start dating before you become too perfect!" Hehe. 8)
    (It was a friendly compliment, but could be more if you both let it become more.)

  8. #8
    INFJ

    As an INFJ who's asked out an INFJ: be direct because (personally) commitment is a big deal to us. This is especially true if you're asking her to be your girlfriend. Although some INFJs (at least, the one in my case) was also unsure of the whole dating thing because she saw it as a commitment. So...just ask her on a date, and please use the word "date", so it's understood what she's getting herself into. Good luck.


Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] How do I ask my ENFP friend for a break?
    By Dedbyte in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 03-28-2018, 09:47 PM
  2. [INTJ] Would You Find It Harder To Ask Out A Friend Than A Stranger?
    By WintersFlame in forum INTJ Forum - The Scientists
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 02-22-2018, 11:06 PM
  3. [INFJ] If you could only ask one question what would you ask someone to find out if they wer
    By HHUUUUURU in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 06-26-2014, 04:29 AM
  4. [ENFP] Do you ask questions just to ask questions?
    By Tmonkey in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 05-07-2010, 06:26 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:02 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0