I'm a female ISFJ having trouble understanding a male INFJ I work with and I need help!
For the first 15 months we knew each other, we were just buddies: he always spent a lot of time in my office, but I didn't think anything of it as I figured he just wanted somebody to talk to, and we get on great: he's a really, really nice guy and not at all like anybody else I've ever met.
However, since November, things have changed. He suddenly started asking me really searching personal questions (like, 'do you ever think you could be in love with two people at the same time?' and 'what kind of guy are you into?,') and other stuff to get to know me better. He also started talking about way more personal stuff himself. I am the only person in the office he has done this with: nobody else even knows his personal phone number or when his birthday is or has a clue about his private life.
My official line at work is that I'm married with two kids, but my marriage has actually been over since 2014 and I just don't talk about it because of the unusual and totally private decision I made to continue living under the same roof as my ex because it's what's best for the kids and because we still get along well enough for it to be possible (and of course because I'm an ISFJ and we struggle to end relationships even when we know we need to).
Things are very clear with my ex and he actually had another relationship with somebody else in 2017. I haven't been with anybody else since we separated. But since the INFJ at work seemed to be coming on to me and also seemed to have intuited that something was up with my marriage (he also asked me 'do you ever feel like your husband is not Mr Right after all?') I ended up telling him the truth so he would know I'm available (provoking a weird reaction because first he said he was sad and hurt for me and then he said he didn't actually want to know...)
Anyway, since that point, he has been spending more and more of his time in my office and doing things I can only interpret as showing interest in me (like saying I would be 'even cuter' if I curled my hair or noticing my perfume or what I'm wearing or listening to me so well he's even hearing the things I'm not saying because he's figured out several things about my life without me telling him). Yet he doesn't seem to want to move things into second gear. I don't get it. Why is he flirting with me if he's NOT interested? I understand INFJs seek perfection so is he stuck on the fact I'm still married to my ex even if it's over? And if so, why bother flirting with me in the first place?
I don't get this. Help?!!!!