He'll get drunk and start an argument over nothing, usually about how he thinks i don't like him. He wont listen to reason and will either shout or sulk. I'll argue back and tell him that he'll never hear from me again. A few days later I'm brokenhearted with grief and I ring him. He won't pick up or return my calls until I've left several tearful voicemails and begging emails. These are about how "we" need to move forward, how "we" need to change. This happens about twice a month. When he relents I don't mention it again because it can often escalate into an even worse row where he won't speak for two weeks with daily begging or 5-6 weeks with less intense begging.
He's my oldest and favourite friend. When he's not in my life I do literally feel as though I'm missing a limb. We can just talk to each other about anything, we talk and talk about any bull and get lost in conversation for hours and hours until the sun comes up and then some.
He gets very jealous and spiteful when I talk about my few other friends, especially male ones. I think I'm his only serious friend.
This has been going on for years now and having tried everything, I think my only option is to leave because I can't cope with the swings anymore. I'm at a stage where I just need to feel secure and be reassured in everything. I feel torn up and exhausted in a general sense.
How would you stop yourself from wanting to try again with this person? Or how do you at least make the suffering less intense?