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This is a discussion on Personal Legends within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by hal0hal0 I suspect a mid-life crisis is partly just getting bored with clinging to a particular way ...

  1. #261
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by hal0hal0 View Post
    I suspect a mid-life crisis is partly just getting bored with clinging to a particular way of life (i.e., probably everyone gets some sort of mid-life crisis (or crises) at some point)..."What is the most basic article of faith? This is not all that we are." ----Leoben from Battlestar Galactica.
    I was just saying the other day that life in general is starting to feel like a remedial math class for third graders. Probably behind why I've been saying and doing all the things I know I'm not supposed to. I kind of get off on knowing that I might not be able to "come back" from them...like the episode of the Office where Andy takes a crap on David Wallace's car because he knows he'll get fired and will have no choice but to do something else. It's really immature. I should probably just try to live it better.

    Haha, I just watched the Eminem video - "This hall pass gives Eminem and his boyz the right to do whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want. Signed the superintendent of the Universe." XD Eminem cracks me up how he's so zen and seemingly serious but then he'll just like confidently and convincingly flip into some ridiculous character out of nowhere. It's funny that he said he misses having the Backstreet Boys to rip on, lol - like our motivations and behavior as humans is its own little eco-system that gives us something to do collectively too.

    I think remembering that can bring us back to a more childlike place that's actually *less* childish than taking everything so seriously all the time. But then, survival and stuff...we're more attuned to the importance of that as we get older I guess. (Which is what I've been preaching. I'm having a really difficult time getting to the bottom of what I believe in, lol). I remember feeling warm though when I left a job where I was pretty much the resident flake and subtle drama queen, but then getting a forwarded email from a friend where my partner (who would give me a hard time) said that he missed me...coupled with a picture of us at a happy hour with a triceratops photo-shopped over his head (I used to say he resembled one). Sometimes we don't appreciate what someone provides until it's gone.

    Maybe what we preach seems hypocritical at times because it's composed of the lessons we've had to learn. It's not so obvious to us.

    It's good for everyone to have their "things" though. Otherwise life starts to feel like the ending of "Being John Malkovich" where anyone can access his mind, and he literally sees himself in everyone else (the world is full of nothing but John Malkovich doppelgangers). That tends to invite either extreme complacency or competition, I think. (Plus when everyone is allowed to have their thing they tend to balance each other out - people aren't using their "cards" against each other, it's more about playing them at that point. Reminds me of the scene from 30 Rock where Tina Fey pretends to think that she's a hologram of Princess Leia to get out of jury duty, but everyone else is crazy too so it doesn't work, haha):



    I found this the other day - "Batman and Personality Disorders" - about how the comic heroes or villains are archetypes for different classifications in the DSM IV.

    Batman and Personality Disorders | The Critical Thinker(tm)

    Batman and Catwoman are the most interesting to me. It's like they've tried to adopt the anima/animus but have done it in a totally unbalanced way. Batman is categorized as Schizoid and Catwoman as Borderline. Both have difficulty holding stable relationships. They've become the complete opposites of what the stereotypical "masculine" vs. "feminine" is supposed to be (he has a rich fantasy world and a virtuous relationship with the collective while she is more unstable, instinctual and impulsive).

    I went to a therapist a few years ago who recommended that I read "The New Personality Self-Portrait" by John M. Oldham and Lois B. Morris. It ascribes the disorders a personality style. So the sickness is only a neurosis of the type. I like that a lot better than the standard DSM IV. It balances weaknesses with strengths. Borderline is "Mercurial" - people with this type tend to value intensity, romantic attachment, a lack of inhibitions, an open mind, alternate states of consciousness (they can easily distract themselves from reality), and value putting their heart and a lot of energy into everything that they do. At their worst they have an identity disturbance, are prone to rage and become arrogant and stubborn (I actually tested as this personality type so I laughed when I read the Batman thing. I've always liked Tim Burton and Michelle Pfeiffer's portrayal of Selina Kyle turning into Catwoman):





    I love when she comes in (she's rockin' the injury over the left eye too) and says "Honey I'm home...Oh, I forgot, I'm not married" before flipping out, haha. The story of feminine resurrection is always so much darker than that of the male. Both her and Batman have had to face the abyss though - no children or spouse to help them through.

    I wonder if Elizabeth Gilbert was this type too (Eat, Pray, Love). She has a really hard time being alone but turns to having "a relationship with her pizza" lol. Sensory experiences. It's like I've been having a relationship with my imagination, and the world as a whole in that way.





    It's funny that you posted the video of Andy Warhol eating the hamburger, because it made me think of the scene from HIMYM where Marshall is describing the best hamburger in New York. The whole thing is so over the top, like an Herbal Essences commercial, lol. If I do choose to have a relationship with food it's something like that, haha. Maybe I could use more Warholian exercises. That casual focus. Mine is either hyper or nonexistent.

    HIMYM The Best Burger in New York



    Obviously being completely delusional isn't a good thing though (a little bit is probably fine :P), and it's pretty much what I was getting pissed about before in other people. I was watching "Frequency" with Jim Caveziel the other day, and he played his character with so much heart. A blue collar police officer for the homicide division of the NYPD. I've always felt an aversion to people who take everything so seriously (I like to do it in spurts - read a book about how animals are tortured in slaughterhouses, cry, throw it against a wall, patronize people who haven't done the same online, become vegetarian...and then go play the Sims or something), but it's cool when they, like, take their jobs seriously that involve making sure that justice is served for things like murder.

    Still though, what if there really is something to whatever we focus on becoming reality? I think digging into motivation is important there (that is this worth it question, asked personally, free from society's views). Yours and other people's. You read a lot about what personality types mesh or don't mesh - but I think people more get along or don't based on what drives them (you're not going to take the metaphorical stairs if there isn't a destination that you care for or don't enjoy the climb...unless it's by force).



    This is something I'm trying to remember to come back to. I'm so all or nothing with it. I let people get away with the worst crap if I think their heart is in the right place, or I get overly mad if I think it isn't, even if they're being appropriate and mannerly (which *is* often commendable and can show respect and decency...although I still hold that it can show cowardice at times too).

    Anyway, that made me think again of that "everyone has their reasons" bit, and I softened against this paranoia and anger I've felt over the "elite" for years now (like it's a giant army composed of conspiracies, haha). The dude I worked for wasn't a terrible person (God, I've edited that post like 10,000 times), but I think my point was that his types can be really offensive (makes me think of Good Will Hunting - don't be so sure that you're smarter than that janitor...or that as the janitor, you aren't smarter than the professors. Don't be afraid to do things your way and with (authentic) confidence). Of course there's gonna be anger and counter-patronization, but what, am I living by "If you're not with us you're against us?" That's always been a good way to do things right? Lol. So, I'm letting it go.

    Lost played with all of this a lot - what with the "Others" (the plane everyone was on split in half before crashing and there were two camps of survivors, and then islanders as well - but then they started playing with time travel so were the islanders somehow the survivors too? I loved that show, haha - not sure you've seen it so if you have no clue what I'm talking about I apologize, lol). I also loved the relationship between the characters of Locke and Jack.



    It was kind of that blind faith, blind hope thing we were talking about way back. Locke had blind faith in God after he was pushed out of a window and became paralyzed (everything happens for a reason). Very similar to the Catwoman scene, actually, only it was more like she was the opposite and had it up until that point. "I mean it's not like you can just kill me." "Actually, it's a lot like that." After he was murdered on the mainland though he started to find a balance on the island.

    Jack had a hard time believing because he felt responsible for everything (what if everything isn't happening for a reason? What if it is on me to save this life? I liked another theme of the show - "Whatever happened, happened" - which helped characters like Jack from having a pseudo crisis about reality every ten minutes. His hope was always present but never really directed at anything).

    Locke and Kate also had an interesting connection. His line was always "Don't tell me what I can't do!" and that more or less seemed to be her motto too. She was probably the most empathetic and helpful character, but she was also the most rebellious. At one point she defied Locke (who was somehow in charge) and called him a dictator when she was punished for it, and he told her if that were the case he would shoot her. He said there was no point in having rules if everyone just always broke them.

    It made me think of my New Age retreat, and my problem with it. When asked if I believed in a punishing God my answer was no...but I don't believe that means that we can all just do whatever the hell we want with free will either. Cause and effect makes sense. They were constantly trying to improve upon that cause and effect in the show though. (At one point the character of Juliet - a part of the other camp - was about to be executed for shooting someone, but Jack negotiated with them. "We're pretty strict about killing one of our own" - so instead she's just "marked.")

    I do still believe in believing though (lol) - in those best case scenarios. It's the only way you're ever going to trek into the unknown. Otherwise you live by "curiosity killed the cat", you never do anything, and the world is full of crap reporters who focus on sensationalism instead of truth.

    "Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free of it."

    I love this picture of April O'Neil in a padded cell (just found out that Michael Bay is doing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake too (pretty excited about that :P), with Megan Fox as April. I guess they made up, lol):



    I like that she's with Michelangelo too - the party turtle, like just having a good time intuitively and sensing wise is demonized as insanity.

    So with all of the Lady Gaga talk and my continual preoccupation with comparing everything to Harry Potter (btw, did you know that JK Rowling just said that Harry should have ended up with Hermione and she regrets not doing that? o.O) I thought about the Hufflepuff video that came out around the time when anyone who got sorted into it on Pottermore would get pissed off and start a new account to try to get another house, haha (apparently that was the house JK Rowling got though when she took the test).

    Sorted this Way instead of Born this Way, lol.



    I like how the girl winks when she says that she was born to behave. So yea, rules are made to broken, but they're still necessary. Otherwise we totally could devolve into a Bioshock nightmare full of psycho and sociopaths.

    It's interesting what the badger represents though:

    Aggressiveness, Reliance, Self-Expression

    The power of the Badger totem is its aggressiveness
    and the willingness to fight for what it wants.
    This aggression can also be turned
    to healing - for Badger is the keeper
    of Earth's healing herbs.

    Badger people are quick to express their feelings
    without concern for the consequences.
    They are often healers who have the courage to use unconventional methods.
    Badger has the ability to persist to find a cure.

    Badger people are often leaders and bosses,
    the one who will get the job done.

    If you have a Badger as a totem, you will likely be solitary
    but comfortable being alone.
    You are comfortable in your own skin and very self-reliant.

    Badger anger can get your out of apathy,
    but be careful not to cut yourself (or others) to ribbons.
    Badger is a powerful totem when used properly.

    Like Hufflepuff is more the defender of the physical, whereas I saw Ravenclaw as more intuitive (wouldn't it be awesome if JK Rowling came out with a series focusing on these houses instead of Slytherin and Gryffindor?)

    I saw the movie "Epic" yesterday (it was like "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" meets "Avatar" - only everyone flew around on hummingbirds instead of dragons, lol) and I thought that it reconciled what is usually seen as imaginative with what was more realistic pretty well. The main character's dad is obsessed with the fairy realm. He goes into simultaneous realities existing spatially and when he does see the fairies they look like holograms because they're moving so much more quickly than he is (he appears as going in slow motion to them). The fairies joke about how they screw with him before his daughter alerts him to their whereabouts. Then with the proper technology they can all communicate. I thought it was a cool way of looking at some of the weirder crap I posted, haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by hal0hal0 View Post
    I've lost count of how many.
    Nice, lol.

    Universe.jpgIllusion.jpgmotivation.jpgBelieve.jpgApril.jpg
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  2. #262

    Quote Originally Posted by Veggie View Post
    Lost played with all of this a lot - what with the "Others" (the plane everyone was on split in half before crashing and there were two camps of survivors, and then islanders as well - but then they started playing with time travel so were the islanders somehow the survivors too? I loved that show, haha - not sure you've seen it so if you have no clue what I'm talking about I apologize, lol). I also loved the relationship between the characters of Locke and Jack.
    Yeah, I've seen the first couple of seasons. I actually stopped watching that show around the same time I stopped watching networked television, actually. I disliked having to commit to TV schedules and I had a bad habit of flipping through channels mindlessly out of compulsion.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veggie View Post
    I found this the other day - "Batman and Personality Disorders" - about how the comic heroes or villains are archetypes for different classifications in the DSM IV.
    You know, the new DSM V guidelines are out. We learned about them in class today but I fell asleep during most of it. They renamed some shit (i.e., OCD is no longer called OCD), but that's all I remember atm.

    Naranjo actually connects enneagram to DSM categories in Character and Neuroses, but that's yet another area where it's good not to take his writing too literally, because enneagram isn't a "true" neuroses (i.e., similar to how I'm a recluse, but I'm not agoraphobic... I can still talk to people and sorta function even if I'm socially oblivious).

    Quote Originally Posted by Veggie View Post
    So with all of the Lady Gaga talk and my continual preoccupation with comparing everything to Harry Potter (btw, did you know that JK Rowling just said that Harry should have ended up with Hermione and she regrets not doing that? o.O) I thought about the Hufflepuff video that came out around the time when anyone who got sorted into it on Pottermore would get pissed off and start a new account to try to get another house, haha (apparently that was the house JK Rowling got though when she took the test).

    Sorted this Way instead of Born this Way, lol.
    HA. That video is so So 9.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veggie View Post
    It's funny that you posted the video of Andy Warhol eating the hamburger, because it made me think of the scene from HIMYM where Marshall is describing the best hamburger in New York. The whole thing is so over the top, like an Herbal Essences commercial, lol. If I do choose to have a relationship with food it's something like that, haha. Maybe I could use more Warholian exercises. That casual focus. Mine is either hyper or nonexistent.
    Yeah, that sounds Sp-last, to me. I've been thinking about the instinctual variants a lot, which I actually think are more important than enneagram type. I'm definitely Sp-first by a mile. Not simply the physical comforts, but the mental tranquility as well. I dislike when people disrupt my business, get in my way, make me feel like I "should" be doing something, etc.. I can't even tell whether I'm Sp/So or Sp/Sx... because frankly, both Sx and So can get on my nerves when I'm forced to give up my Sp-indulgences. I'm more like SP/SP/SP/SP.

    I've been listening to lots of music lately (mostly hip-hop), and for whatever reason, it's the instinct variants that have stuck out, for me. I find So-dom focused music makes me feel guilty whereas Sx-dom can feel like it's pushing way too hard sometimes or just wear me out (i.e., I wonder if it's an act, but I think there's a bit of projective bias there).

    I relate well to Sp-doms. For instance, I think this one (yet another Eminem... it's the funniest track on MMLP2) illustrates the Sp mindset quite well. It's that "goddammit why are you forcing me out of my own bubble? I just want to take a dump in peace, please. Please let me get situated and mind my own business."



    He's actually pretty reclusive and keeps to himself, so I could see an Sp-dom.

    The funny thing about hip-hop is that a lot of it is Sx 6 and just generally Sx-dom or Sp-dom in general (I'd say Dr. Dre is Sx-6, whereas Snoop Dogg is more Sx-9... I do see LOTs of 3s and 7s in there, too). But especially Sx-6, because there's an overemphasis on cocky braggadocio, the "honeys" shakin' their asses, doin' lines of coke and lots of Hennessy. Either having a good time, or showing off how much of a good time you're having is the stock formula of a lot of rap. Sx-6s tend to be more ostentatious in their displays of "bravery" than 8s (8s, generally, don't really feel the need to show off as much... it's more about control and direct power than mere displays of power).

    Most hip-hop I actually don't care for. I have no idea why Lil Wayne is so popular, for instance, unless I'm just completely missing his brilliance (admittedly, I haven't seen everything by him). I actually like his voice, but his rhyme schemes are lame, awkward and simplistic. More than that, I sense he's generally more interested in sitting on his pile of gold and sipping his cognac than actually braving his inner demons like 2Pac, Immortal Technique or Eminem. I think I've seen one or two songs where he seemed more contemplative, but generally, Lil Wayne seems... complacent; too fixated on the pile of gold and not the sacrifices it took to get there. I dunno. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong work. He reminds me of Flo Rida, too.

    But... Lil Wayne is more Sx/So 3, whereas I'd guess Flo Rida is more Sp/Sx 7. I've seen people complain about Wayne's voice, but I kinda like it, actually. It's more his writing and the seeming complacency attached to it that makes me cringe. 2Pac had a lot of the same subject matter, but there was so often this undercurrent of inner torment... a love-hate with the thug life. Eminem is similarly unafraid to show off how much of a mess he is (although he's way more comical and ridiculous about it).

    Anyways, one interesting rapper is Immortal Technique. I've seen him typed as an So/Sx 6w5, which I could see. Very So-dom, at any rate.



    He's a very intelligent, well-read person... Heavy on historical reference and a deep understanding of the social mechanisms at work. TBH, similar to how Sx-dom can make me uncomfortable when it's shoved in my face, the same holds for So-dom. I really like his music, but his passion is almost too much, for me. Makes me feel guilty. It's very hard for me to keep up with current events and the like. I go through very brief spurts, but I really just want to retreat back to the Sp sanctuary. I actually just *don't* get Sp-lasts, in general.

    My dad is a great example: So/Sx 6w5. He's always lecturing us on health and how to take care of ourselves (I find So-dom 6 in general is very rule and structure focused), but regularly sleeps too late, eats too little, eats too much, etc.. He does eat extremely healthy, but I find it's very puritanical and disciplined. Very all-or-nothing.

    Dub Fx is a more palatable social subtype, for me:


    "worldwide suicide fashion trend"

    I've noticed I generally like artists that free-form mix genres. I like what Lindsey Stirling does.



  3. #263

    For the record... here's a Lil Wayne performance I like. His voice has sort of a mellowed quality, a bit like Snoop Dogg (not a big Dogg fan, either, but I like both their voices for some reason). Good song, too. Em apparently found hip-hop as a way to deal with the bullying.



    I used to play the violin, actually. My rhythm was terrible and I couldn't read notes very well or tell you what notes or keys I was playing in, but I had good intonation. I really disliked our orchestra teacher in high school, however, and I didn't like playing the violin in the first place, so I gave that up. Oddly, after I gave up the violin, I developed a taste for classical music... especially Shostakovich, who I felt was unafraid to try new, interesting (and often comical) ideas.

    I like what she does... it's the whole performance, not just the music... like how she played with her shadow in that other video.

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  4. #264
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by hal0hal0 View Post
    This is amazing. I'm kind of obsessed with it, lol. She's awesome.



    That entire compilation of videos made me want to be a better person again really. Maybe Fe will return with her bags soon, haha.

    I'll throw in some potty now though before that happens, lol.

    Reminders to self:



    Sarah Silverman - "Diva"

    And...

    My street cred is probably somewhere on this level (S. Mouse) -

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  5. #265

    Quote Originally Posted by Veggie View Post
    I'll throw in some potty now though before that happens, lol.
    I was actually about to post this to your wall earlier anyways, so....

    Happy Fuckin Post-Valentine's Day!!!

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  6. #266
    Unknown

    ^Four and a half minutes of that felt like a few too many minutes, hahaha.

    So Fe is back, and she's making her usual demands. "Oh, all of that energy you've been stockpiling so that you can maybe behave like a regular person who can take care of herself? You should feel ashamed of it and give it to the less fortunate immediately." (Actually not sure if this has anything to do with Fe...but something is back that loves to make me feel guilty for having positive feelings).

    I was reading Allie Brosh's book (Hyperbole and a Half) - with comic strips from her blog - at work today, and I'm pretty sure she's a part of our 7,4 club @hal0hal0 . All of her first world problem stories are ridden with those same themes too.

    I've actually finally been feeling more consistent lately. This past month there haven't been any memory lapses, my energy doesn't fluctuate between spacey and a hyper-reactive fight or flight response (it's just been a lot buzzier overall), I wake up feeling like me. This almost always inevitably results in my doing something stupid to stop the momentum though. Imagine Andy a la Toy Story 3 giving away his box of toys. It's like I feel the need to do this to everything that's contributed to building to this place. Like I've reached some "destination" within maturity that demands that I feel the need to join a nunnery, become an anarchist or go on a week long master cleanse and fast.

    The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus - "He took me to the waterfall of happiness! And I was reborn...purified."



    The goal is to then build from there, but it never happens like that. I'm inspired by your sp tendencies and I'm not letting it happen this time, lol. Gotta just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    This picture popped up last night and it made me think of this video that I posted somewhere a while back where a flock of birds look like they're dancing:





    It's a really cool depiction of being connected to but separate from the collective. There's a very harmonious chain reaction to the movement in the video too, like it allows for all of those (above - yellow) character motivations to sort of exist and dance together, rather than feel the need to group everything into, like, "selfish" or "helpful" or something, at war with one another. A reminder that there is a place for creativity in shaping and experiencing reality for us all.

    "Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend" - Albert Camus

    I need to start living by that one.

    birds.jpg
    Last edited by Veggie; 02-17-2014 at 02:40 PM.
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  7. #267

    Probably will be a 2-parter since there are too many videos.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veggie View Post
    Like I've reached some "destination" within maturity that demands that I feel the need to join a nunnery, become an anarchist or go on a week long master cleanse and fast.
    It's like what 2Pac says in "Dear Mama":

    I wish I could take the pain away
    If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day
    Everything will be alright if ya hold on
    It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I actually spent a good portion of my afternoon researching Lil Wayne and watching his videos, because I feel I may have jumped the gun on dismissing his work, but I still get an impression that he shies away from unpleasantness or demons. This is typical Wayne:


    edit: I also think the imagery is pretty chauvinistic... (i.e., cages and "ownership.")

    Yes, who gives a shit so long as "my bitches love me." He's like one of those fighter pilots that puts hash marks of how many kills he's got. Not a fan of Drake, either (I think they run out of ideas sometimes and just start blithering the same trite hook over and over). Wayne can get close to yanking those demons out and spilling them on the page, but too often, he seems more interested in results and the bottom line, not so much the journey. The journey/destination thing has been beat to death, but not without reason.

    Nas talks about this here:




    Wayne leaves me feeling cold, because the meaning and purpose seem an afterthought to the glitz and glam. It's like: "Yeah, I had a hard life... but check out all these bitches on my dick!!!". Even with things like "How to Love," which I actually think is a decent song, there is this overriding sense for me that it's more calculated than passionate. More from the head, not from the gut or heart... even the title itself is phrased mechanically: "Gee, how does one go about this?"



    The addition of HIV... hm, okay, I'll let that slide, but it did make me raise my eyebrow. But the last line where the daughter is like "thanks mom for teaching me how to love"... seems like such a lame and calculated way of putting it.

    It's funny because Obama claims to like Lil Wayne, but I wouldn't trust his tastes for crap because it feels more like a political maneuver than actual taste. I remember seeing him and McCain being interviewed on their tastes in film, and at least McCain talked about the actual movies and gave his personal opinion. Obama is more about status and giving a clean presentation, so his "favorites" were cookie cutter choices like Casablanca and The Godfather—like he just cut-and-pasted from an AFI list (I think his top 5, for the record, are Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, Godfather 1 & 2, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest).

    Meh, why am I even bringing that dude up.

    I guess my main problem with Wayne is I feel he lacks the explosive passion, frustration, doubt, or inner turmoil of other artists. None of his music really makes me drop my jaw. Since I mentioned Nas earlier, may as well:


    There's a lot of nostalgia in this one; that sort of painful romantic that yearns for what once was... has a very speakeasy-era sort of vibe with the night club torch singing and his old-school barkeep garb. (Winehouse... I didn't know she died!!!!)



    My rhymin is a vitamin, Hell without a capsule
    ...
    Inhale deep like the words of my breath
    I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death
    Last edited by hal0hal0; 02-21-2014 at 06:24 PM.
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  8. #268

    Part 2. More on rap, cuz I just can't Stahp.

    50 Cent's not the most articulate person. He can be slow to make his point and his speech is kinda deceptive because he almost sounds like a brainless thug, but I absolutely love what he says at 3:00—there is nothing that can compare to when it's right... And then there's that goofy grin on his face. Not for critics or crowds, but when when the feeling is right for him.


    "You have Vanilla Ice, but he wasn't Eminem." (Kinda funny that the Beastie Boys are kinda forgotten there)

    His writing is not mind-blowingly complex and his voice style is very lackadaisical and slurred, but I feel he draws heavily from experience (after all, this is the dude that got shot 9 times at close range and survived).


    "Every night I talk to God, but he don't say nothin' back..."

    I think I said before that The Eminem Show is my favorite of Em's albums, because it's just all over the place and really shows off his range. There are these really funny tracks where he's Robin to Dre's Batman, saving the day. A lot of musical experimentation and goofing off (I LOVE the skits where his exasperated manager is like *shakes head* "he's at it again."), but then, he'll put down a track that's like: No. No more messing around; this is real talk, here.



    I thought this was funny (since I seem to be talking about Eminem a lot and Lady Gaga was here, too):


    My entry point to rap actually wasn't Eminem... it was Magnetic North:



    Their "Drift Away" is also worth checking out (but I hit the video limit... again). Haven't kept up with their newer work, though.

    I'm fond of lyrics and the flow of words, which I guess is what I like most about rap. It's not what's being said, but the style in which it's said and the overall attitudes that drive the lyrical barrage. I think, for instance, that even though the subject matter of two songs may be the same, it's that reading between the lines that makes the difference between a good song and a great one.

    Alright, that's enough rap for while. Was gonna post some Marilyn Manson, but I thought this was cute:



    Skyrim really does have exceptional music. Sometimes, you can just tell the difference between work that was put out there for profit and work that was a true labor of love/passion. Sometimes, it's in those details... when even those tiny bits of minutiae are treated with care.

    Lindsey is actually Mormon. I think there's always going to be stigmas surrounding all worship (thank you, South Park), so I can understand the need for "I'm a Mormon" ads; they really don't bother me. Once again, it's probably a tiny section of folk ruining things for the majority.

    A good example (hehe, here's my "white man's burden" beef): My father's side of the family is from Burma, a country that even today many have not heard of (it's amusing, for instance, how when the earthquake hit Japan, people rushed to their aid, but Burma got very little press for Cyclone Nargis even though over 100,000 people died in Burma. I can't really blame people, though, since Burma has had a very isolationist mentality that basically rejects foreign aid (until recently, but we'll see how that goes)... it's difficult to help someone that basically flips you the bird.)

    Anyways, Burma is home to one of the longest, if not THE longest civil war in history (Burma and Armed Rebel Groups Seek to End Clashes | TIME.com) and there is so much racial segregation in that country to this day, chief among them being the bullying of the Rohingya Muslims by the "Buddhist" majority. So if people knew more about the atrocities committed by so-called buddhists, would buddhists have nearly as "good" an image as they do with the western world? Isn't that crazy? It's the same thing that happens with the jihadists of Islamic countries... I think the vast majority of worshipers are peaceful, normal, decent people.

    I thought these were funny (The world according to americans):



    Last edited by hal0hal0; 02-21-2014 at 07:12 PM.
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  9. #269
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by hal0hal0 View Post
    Yes, who gives a shit so long as "my bitches love me." He's like one of those fighter pilots that puts hash marks of how many kills he's got. Not a fan of Drake, either (I think they run out of ideas sometimes and just start blithering the same trite hook over and over). Wayne can get close to yanking those demons out and spilling them on the page, but too often, he seems more interested in results and the bottom line, not so much the journey. The journey/destination thing has been beat to death, but not without reason.
    OMG, that video was ridiculous XD It was like a farce of itself. (My "baby" in her cage is on a strict diet of dicks! Awwww, girl. Like...aside from obviously being nowhere near romantic...that's not even sexy, haha. It is very results oriented though, yes. The point is banging, right? Well, we bang! It's like weirdly Dr. Phil-ish despite being written off as gangster. Bang? Check!)

    Anyway, you're right, but maybe he's at a place where he needs a resting point. I think those stops can be necessary, but they become their own living hells after a while too.



    "One day there will be no more pain. Like an opiate wonderland. No worry. It will all just end."

    I think that constantly trying to revise how much suffering is necessary in enduring for growth is important though (not that we always have a choice, but pretending that maybe we do). Also, how much you're willing to inflict in fighting for what you want, etc.

    So, I've been thinking more about what I posted before with JK Rowling and "The Casual Vacancy" - don't live your life authentically because children might die! I realized...ohhhhh, some people making decisions are parents and stuff, huh? That would be a fear that would have to cross their minds. The more visible and controversial you are, the greater the risks. Still though, some parents do everything right, safely, and their children are abducted at the bus stop. This scene from "Rachel Getting Married" with Anne Hathaway breaks my heart.



    She accidently killed her baby brother because she was high on Percocet, and she says "I can't forgive myself...and sometimes I don't want to believe in a God that would forgive me." I feel guilty for things that aren't even my fault, I can't imagine being in that place.

    I thought about this scene from "Clue" afterwards. They ask "who dun it?" and the response, in regards to the murder of Mr. Body, was - "They all did it." We're responsible for our own actions, but we're also impacted by each other's. Anne Hathaway's character, despite feeling guilty, it still out for her own redemption, feelings, life - and that doesn't make her a terrible person! Why else exist? Surely she was the product of some cause and effect too.



    After selling everyone out, Colonel Mustard says - "I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife." That's kind of what it comes down to too isn't it? You can think that you're doing these grand things for the collective, but you could be totally offending and misunderstanding them for all you know. That doesn't mean don't try...but just maybe don't put all of your eggs in that basket. Honor what you trust. So, as you've said several times...just follow your bliss, yea.

    Bella from Twilight gets crapped on a lot by feminists, and I've joined in too, I won't lie. Memes like this one kinda make me laugh:



    Really though, if a dude were to act like that? OMG, he's so deep and emotional! He's so rebellious and misunderstood! The goal is equality, right? So...crapping on that and just advocating the chicks who make sure to take care of their bidness is about the equivalent of cheering on Lil' Wayne.

    Bella didn't jump off a cliff to kill herself, either. She did it to experience thrills. The more I think about her character the more she amuses me in a positive way. "Spawn a vampire-human hybrid for the first time?! Let's see what happens!" Haha. There's something kinda metal about her that actually puts other modern heroines to prudish shame if we're really being honest. In the second book of the series I don't think that she was so much trying to see Edward as she was just trying to remember what it felt like to be around him. I mean, if you were chilling with vampires and then robbed of that and forced to exist with lame asses in Forks...would you not go through some conscious deprivation too? Lol.

    I finished Allie Brosh's book the other day, and her last chapter cracked me up especially. "Identity: Part II."

    "The human brain knows when it isn't ready to discover everything about itself, and there are a few emergency-emergency security measures in place to keep you safe in the event that you decide to go traipsing around in your deep brain-wilderness like a reckless idiot." (My God, has this girl been reading my mind, haha, I feel like I've said similar things.) (Convo between her and her brain security XD - "Hey! What are you doing?" "Playing a game" "What game?" "What's wrong with me? It's like an Easter Egg hunt for things that make me feel weird" (LOLLLL) "Well, you aren't allowed to go in there!")

    "I didn't want the source of my problems to turn out to be - 'You're just sort of naturally shittier than you wanted, and you had to trick yourself so you wouldn't find out and be disappointed...Good job! You found all the shitty parts! You don't have shitty parts anymore!...I do, though. I just know about them now...Shhh, no you don't...But - I do know about them'." Hahaha.

    The movie "Hook" came to mind recently too.







    There's a strong correlation between Peter Pan and Captain Hook in that movie. Usually it's Hook and the Darling's dad...but not in this one. The first video is Hook giving a "To be or not to be" speech (his life is over, there's no adventure anymore). Pan comes back to Neverland right afterwards. I LOVE the second scene where the lost boy is messing with his face until he forces a smile and then says "Oh, there you are Peter!" Kid is the most serious sweetheart ever, lol.

    I like the third video too, where Robin Williams regains his confidence, and starts to create with his imagination again. He gets that back through the antagonists though, by fighting for himself and what he wants. I like how at the end Hook says "Fools! When will you learn that James Hook *is* Neverland?" (or something similar). They were all making their usual mistake of realizing that life is as simple as virtuous, pious mothers! (Blarg!!! The kindest chick in that movie was Tinkerbell too, imo. Totally forgot that Julia Roberts played her. She always has the best characters). I like that the original Peter Pan quote of "To die would be an awfully big adventure" is replaced by "To LIVE."

    So I had some stuff to say about love potions and "reality" in relationships (centered around Bella again, and her plowing straight through the wishing well, all "fuck you everyone, I'm about this for real, no time for thinking!" to meet Edward's "Screw you morality I'm immortal and really bored!")...but it didn't easily fit into what I was talking about. I have to get ready and meet my sister so I will probably post more soon :)



    Opiate.jpgHermione.jpgBella.jpg
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  10. #270
    Unknown

    @hal0hal0 - More weird synchronistic crap has been happening that I figured I'd share :) After that last post, I realized that I hadn't seen the final Twilight movie - so I watched it (I admit I actually liked it, although I didn't really care for the other ones) and spent the next few days obsessed with feminism, my take on it, what you said about Lil' Wayne being more about the bottom line than the journey, and this:

    Quote Originally Posted by hal0hal0 View Post
    I absolutely love what he says at 3:00—there is nothing that can compare to when it's right... And then there's that goofy grin on his face.
    PerC seemed to be eager to help me work through this, lol, because an old thread on feminism popped up (along with a few dating articles from Psychology Today)...and I think my official take is something like:

    Quote Originally Posted by Veggie View Post
    Gender isn't just an artificial social construct though [in regards to that statement]. Much of what is deemed "masculine" or "feminine" is based on concrete differences in males and females such as testosterone vs. estrogen supply and the woman's ability to conceive and carry a pregnancy. So traits such as nurturing become attributed to the feminine as she can feed and protect a fetus - something that a man is unable to directly do.
    ...
    We live in a patriarchal, bottom line society. Should an individual want to identify with what is more stereotypically feminine (empathy, creativity, etc), they aren't even given much of an option. Look at the controversy surrounding issues such as breast feeding in public, maternity leave, and the cutting of funding for the arts in schools. I've read complaints that the DSM V has classified virtually every human emotion as a mental disorder. Why? Because they might disrupt productivity, which is seen as irrational given society's focus. So if rationality = masculinity, and emotionality = femininity, we're working with masculinity > femininity. Should those connotations be in place? No, but they are.

    Look at the (incredibly depressing, "Linked In" advocate's wet dream imho) dating scene. Credit score, social standing and income often take precedence to virtues such as kindness or an open mind in determining a mate's desirability. Stereotypically masculine women are generally revered over straight, effeminate men. Women's rights do nothing to protect the starving artist who can't obtain a loan, or the reputation of the man who's both into chicks and strutting about in lingerie outside the office. In certain professions the latter could even be used as blackmail and threaten his position. If we made the shift to embracing a more all-encompassing view in deeming what is and isn't *moral, appropriate, esteemed, etc. I think we would see much of the issues surrounding women's rights fall in line naturally without the eye rolling and clenching of teeth.

    *At the end of the day, most of us do want to align with these things, and while the individual is free to determine what's what outside of society's institutions, there have to be avenues in place from which to pull and form opinions. The "feminine" is currently underrepresented in our culture.
    One of the girls that I used to work with posted this on FB right afterwards too:

    Recline, don’t ‘Lean In’ (Why I hate Sheryl Sandberg)

    It's basically about how when all of our focus is on generating momentum externally, we can lose ourselves in the process and lack the ability to keep up with the lives that we've created. Empowerment often comes from saying no, and we're overworking ourselves needlessly.

    "Beware the bareness of a busy life" - Socrates

    A thread on networking sprung up too, and threw me back into that place I used to have to go to as a recruiter. As the industry got more competitive, more requirements (certificates, groups, various forms of web presence) came up that only further took away time and energy from genuine connection. It made me kind of sad, because I remembered that initially I actually liked what I did. I posted these...which made me laugh...because after a while it was like life was nothing but a never-ending series of these moments:







    With all of your hip-hop talk I thought about the line by Biggie - "Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart is in it." I don't think that your heart can really be into something if it's just backed by wishful thinking, or the desire to impress or please. There has to be the accompanying passion.

    "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

    I think that's why I realized I liked the image of Bella running through the fountain to get to Edward so much. I compared it to this other movie I saw recently - "When in Rome" - where Kristen Bell's (workaholic) character meets this dude at a wedding, and proceeds to play "He loves me, he loves me not" to an annoying degree throughout the rest of the film. She stole a bunch of coins from a wishing well, and the owners all become obsessed with her. She's not sure if he's under the same spell, or if what they have is authentic or not. His coin is actually a poker chip...which I thought was interesting. Love is always a gamble. At one point one of the characters said (in regards to relationships) - "The passion is in the risk" - which is very true.

    That's a big theme in "Once Upon a Time in Wonderland" too (I like that show a lot better than the original). There's a desire for "proof" of love, for that others are who they say that they are - and you can't ever fully have that. It's so lame, but you really do just have to believe in people and yourself. I'd imagine that Voldemort was obsessed with proof, consumed with distrust. They played with the whole love potion thing there, and it's why his father left his mother. There's something to the spiritual "I Am" though...totally outside of God, religion, etc.



    Anyway, this threw me into a frenzied state of hating everything, lol, because it all really isn't so simple (although I feel like these concepts are finally starting to sink in rather than just be what I spout about or strive for). It seems like at some point "real life" adherents fall into two different camps. I realized how much I've begun to project with this as I become increasingly reclusive. After littering PerC's walls with whininess and confessions of questionable behavior due to feeling polarized in a lot of ways, something weird happened.

    I woke up a few days ago and it was like I realized that I'd been caught up in this tornado, and had landed. Kinda like the scene in the Wizard of Oz where the house drops and all is suddenly calm, and Dorothy is sort of just like "Oh!" Only I haven't walked outside. My energy is more like I've been dejectedly sitting in my room, throwing things at the wall.

    I woke up a couple of days ago (snow day!) and realized that I couldn't find my remote, so I started watching this movie with Jason Statham and Jet Li that was on - "The One" - that began this series of similar movies in theme (Universe, you seriously do weird me out). (Afterwards "Takers" came on, then "Identity Thief" and "The Island" the next morning). The theme in the first one was simple...and pretty standard: Self preservation: Evil; Self sacrifice: Good. The other movies got complicated though :)

    I liked this scene in Identity Thief:



    Jason Bateman's character has a unisex, but more feminine name (Sandy), and he gets his identity stolen by Melissa McCarthy's character. It's funny, because they represented the categories that I realized I've somewhat divided people into (Sociopath - "Real life" is survival; Family Man - "Real Life" is providing for and being there for others). He tells her that society can't function without rules, and her response is "How's that working out for you?" (He's been totally screwed in the business department...isn't that how it goes too? Hold back to offer your hand, but then fall and get trampled). They both kind of meet more of a balance in the end.

    "Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well" - Robert Louise Stevenson

    "The Island" asked some of the harder questions within that:



    A group of clones live removed from society, believing that it's been "contaminated" - and don't know the truth about their purpose (they're insurance policies for the elite - most of whom don't realize that they're fully conscious, and not just organic matter for the purpose of organ harvesting, etc.) Kind of messes with the whole special snowflake, "chosen" theme.

    Scarlet Johansson's character had an interesting moral dilemma - she finds out that her clone is a famous model in a coma, with a child and family. Does she save her or does she save herself? When you think about it though...couldn't we sacrifice ourselves to save someone else at any time? I could go donate a kidney to a stranger right now - would it really be any different if I didn't just because there isn't that connection (that isn't rooted in anything more heartfelt or personal)? The person I did this for could walk outside afterwards and instantly get hit by a car, I could get sick due to complications in surgery...and we'd both be dead then. Although I am a believer in synchronicity - I'm not so much in fate (not that it isn't still happening, I just don't have to believe in it).

    Ewan McGregor's character has an easier time of it because his clone is actively trying to kill him in a face off, lol. "I'm Tom Lincoln!" It's an interesting metaphor too...because it's in those moments that we are faced with ourselves - on another level.

    It's kind of almost more like life is a series of "choose your own adventure" books, and the signs we receive don't have to lead to specific destinations or outcomes...we can learn our own lessons. Or like it's a giant video game with hidden keys to unlock different levels. I do believe that you can kind of get guidance though about which path would be the most beneficial to take if you ask for and look for it. That there are autonomous forces that have our backs as much as possible (otherwise life can become a witch hunt that we all blindly go along with).





    What would I do if I were told that I wasn't a "real" person? That all of my memories were imprints? Would I accept that? No, you fight that. You define yourself and your experiences.

    "The stories we love best do live in us forever" - JK Rowling

    "The most sacred place in the world is your mind. Guard it ferociously" - Rick Beneteau


    I don't think you turn to delusion, but maybe you're constantly open to that you don't have all of the story (and that you always have the ability to tell it in a way specific to you) - that there's always another piece of the puzzle that could drop in and impact the whole...which hasn't been discarded. Even if it's only for the sake of feeling more optimistic and hopeful - those are good things to keep around in the brain space, right?

    I especially like these two quotes:

    "We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night telling itself stories" - Jonathan Gottschall ("The Storytelling Animal - How Stories Make Us Human")


    "I'm not an atheist. I don't think I can call myself a pantheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books of many languages. The child knows that someone must have written those books. It does not know how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see the universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws, but we only dimly understand these laws" - Einstein (from an interview published in 1930).

    So, I've read some stuff lately about life potentially being a simulation, and then someone brought up the awesome theory around these parts that maybe synchronicity is similar to how our computers store cookies for advertisement purposes, etc. How the hell does that work with living, breathing people...and so many of us at that? I don't know, but it's an interesting idea :) (Have I ever somehow shown up in someone's life as a "cookie" under some odd sort of inspiration?...Is this guided by trillions of otherworldly programmers in between water cooler chats? Does that really make my life more impersonal? We're a conglomeration of conscious cells, right?)



    This guy says that if it were ever proven that we were a simulation that he's not sure if he would want to go on, because he wants hope in life and a greater meaning. Why can't that all coincide? Maybe the universe is constantly redefining itself in ways that we can currently understand too - like we're on this interactive journey of discovery and complexity.

    Somewhere a ways back I said that there's a part of me that fears getting "trapped" in one plane of existence. I brought this up at that New Age thing, and the response that I got was - "So you believe in hell?" I realized, ohhh, yup, that would be what that is, huh? Cleared out some of the those cobwebs in the cognitive dissonance department. (It's almost like I've determined that we could very possibly be in hell - but that doesn't have to be a bad thing! Why not just break that barrier and detach from that point of view altogether though?)

    I realized that this isn't an uncommon fear. It's like when Han Solo got stuck in the carbonite (btw, totally random, but in the vein of Sci-Fi love stories - I just found out that there's gonna be a Sci-Fi "Snow White" this summer called "Jupiter Ascending" with Mila Kunis, and Channing Tatem - clad in elf ears. Obviously I'm excited about this), and I think that they're doing this in the Vampire Diaries with immortals getting trapped in tombs.



    Having faith in your own autonomy, that of other's, and perhaps even, again, forces within the Universe is faith though:

    "Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be...a prudent insurance policy" ~ Elizabeth Gilbert


    I love the picture below - "Christmas lights under the snow or hell having a party?" It made me laugh. Who knows what lies beneath the surface of things. The other pic is a cool representation of both the destination and the journey too.





    So, going back to Twilight, I remember it getting crap for having Bella go on her first hunt clad in a blue cocktail dress, lol...but I liked it. It was like a fusion of self-control and instinct, culture and the wild, order and chaos. A balance of the feminine/masculine aspects. She was more in tune with both herself and her surroundings after the change too.

    "That which you mistake for madness is but an overacuteness of the senses" - Edgar Allan Poe

    It was like she opted to stayed in Wonderland/Oz/Neverland. It's really just sort of heightened consciousness, openness to possibility and keeping your energy up.

    ...Kind of randomly - I found this article on Portlandia, and it was funny, because it includes the feminist bookstore clip I posted somewhere recently (feminism at it's worst).

    ‚€˜Portlandia‚€™ Duo Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein Discuss the Secrets to the Cult Show‚€™s Success - The Daily Beast

    They're both (Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein) so positive in a way that isn't annoying, haha. It seems inspired and genuine. I've considered going out that way, they make Portland sound pretty appealing...although I have no clue how it would happen. Putting out the vibes though. Life is seeming less terrifying and lame again, lol.

    Job.jpgHan Solo.jpgHell.jpgCouches.jpg
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