I am hoping that some fellow INFJ's can give me some insight on something that is just weighing on my mind lately.
I am pretty much in a long-distance relationship (not too far - 2.5 hours) with an ISFP. I can start by saying that I love this person more than I have ever loved anyone. We have been through a lot together. We have always seemed to talk over any issues we have calmly and move on. But, as of late I have found myself feeling so very attached to him, that it hurts.
I would imagine that he and I have perhaps both made mistakes over the duration of our relationship. On the big things, the truly important things... we seem to agree on pretty much everything. We have a lot of the same values and that's important to both of us.
I should also say that he isn't very experienced in the dating field. Before me, he hadn't actually had a girlfriend since high school (almost 4 years ago).. and he is almost 4 years younger than me.
He is the most sincere, genuine, and kind hearted person I know. And I feel I won't meet anyone who wouldn't pale in comparison.
It's summer. I've just started a new job that's kind of demanding. I've had to take a business trip, a family vacation, and I'm also in the process of moving into my own apartment. He is doing his summer internship that also consists of a 1 hour to and from drive, as well as having to go back home to spend some time with his family. We still keep in almost constant communication, however, although we aren't able to see each other. I do expect that will change once the business of both of our lives dies down within the next week or two.
I constantly find myself trying to push him completely out of my life.
I hate this. I don't know why I do it.
I tried to do it at first, when I felt myself being too attached to him and felt like it would just end it heartache.
I did it again... when he had admitted to me that when we first began our friendship, that he was hesitant to meet me because of my weight. (I'm not a cow - but he's apparently only ever been involved with super, super skinny girls...?) This issue has disolved, obviously.
And I'm doing it again.. because he started carpooling with a girl at work who also lives close. It's not so much the carpooling.. but the fact that they had apparently decided to on Friday, or some point over the weekend, and he did not tell me until today. I knew he was acting weird and I just had this terrible feeling in my gut like something was wrong. I asked him... he had an opportunity to tell me then. But he didn't. So he brings it up to me in a text message.. "Found someone interning at X who is also living at X this summer too... We are gonna carpool some this summer to save on gas."
The way he said it was as if he had just discovered it today. But he rode to work with her this morning. I feel betrayed that he didn't tell me. Also, he didn't tell me it was a female until I asked. He had no intentions on it, I feel.
Then, I check facebook and I see that she has tagged him in a photo while they were out and about after work...?
He swears it's no big deal and that he has no interest in her.
I am just heartbroken. I really feel we have a deep and personal connection, and I'm scared to lose that. We have/had plans of moving in together after this year of his college. I had planned to transfer with my company to wherever he was going (they have jobs pretty much everywhere), providing there is an opening. We had talked about this.. seriously. I took it seriously. I am now stuck to wonder if he did too.
He is so calm.. collected, and he really isn't afraid to show when he's hurting. He's saying that tonight I "stabbed his heart repeatidly"... I didn't mean to, if I did .. :(
It hurts me so much to think that he truly feels this way. I want to make it right, but I feel he isn't taking my feelings seriously.
Is it wrong of me to be so upset over this? Am I expecting too much?