[INFJ] INFJs & Betrayal: How do we come out whole on the other side?

INFJs & Betrayal: How do we come out whole on the other side?

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This is a discussion on INFJs & Betrayal: How do we come out whole on the other side? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; How do we survive the betrayal and come out as we were or at least no worse off? I am ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    INFJs & Betrayal: How do we come out whole on the other side?

    How do we survive the betrayal and come out as we were or at least no worse off?
    I am trying to process a very close friend betraying my trust. I am at a point where I can see it going both ways. I love my friend dearly and I miss what we had. I don't have a lot of friends I can be completely open with to start with.
    My ENFJ friend since childhood is the sword to my shield.
    My ESFJ friend is the day to my night.
    My ENTP sig. other is the mind to my heart.
    And the ENFP (friend in question) is the opposite of my soul.
    I want to open back up and lower my walls.
    My soul is aching knowing what I had may never be the same.
    I have been burned so many times in the past.
    My hubs says if I don't open up I will never know that happiness again.
    I just know that if I were betrayed again I would be broken forever.
    I believe I have forgiven her. I just haven't forgotten. I know she wants to go back to the way we were. I feel that if we were to begin again, it would be a new beginning.

    Gah normally I would cut the betrayal out of my life. So much easier. How do we come out of the storm if we decide to stick it out? Does it ever work out in the positive light? Or are we just doomed once we have felt the blade of betrayal?
    rambleonrose and Vivid Melody thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    [QUOTE=owlyinfj;7916434]How do we survive the betrayal and come out as we were or at least no worse off?
    I am trying to process a very close friend betraying my trust. I am at a point where I can see it going both ways. I love my friend dearly and I miss what we had. I don't have a lot of friends I can be completely open with to start with.
    My ENFJ friend since childhood is the sword to my shield.
    My ESFJ friend is the day to my night.
    My ENTP sig. other is the mind to my heart.
    And the ENFP (friend in question) is the opposite of my soul.
    I want to open back up and lower my walls.
    My soul is aching knowing what I had may never be the same.
    I have been burned so many times in the past.
    My hubs says if I don't open up I will never know that happiness again.
    I just know that if I were betrayed again I would be broken forever.
    I believe I have forgiven her. I just haven't forgotten. I know she wants to go back to the way we were. I feel that if we were to begin again, it would be a new beginning.

    Gah normally I would cut the betrayal out of my life. So much easier. How do we come out of the storm if we decide to stick it out? Does it ever work out in the positive light? Or are we just doomed once we have felt the blade of betrayal?[/QUOTE]

    1. Take time to answer the question on whether you feel it is worth the effort on your part, keeping in mind that you can't predict what will happen in the future (as much as we all sometimes feel we can xD). Was the betrayal an unforgivable act in your own personal values? If the answer is yes, then cut them out and move on. If the answer is no, try to get an understanding on how much effort your friend is willing to put into your relationship.

    Things change, if stagnant it will deteriorate. We come out of the storm with a better understanding of ourselves and experience for the future, if lucky a stronger friendship then before.

    2. It is all your perspective. Cutting a poisonous or unhealthy person out from your life is hard to deal with but it is a positive action. Realize that you can't change or make someone something they are not no matter how much good you see in them, you can only control your own reactions.

    3. People are people. They fuck up, do shitty things, and aren't aware of their actions negatively affecting others or maybe don't care. If your friend can not see why their action has strained your relationship they will probably repeat their behavior. Talk openly and evaluate what you each need from each other to move forward and what you expect. Compromise may have to be taken, it's your decision whether you feel what they can offer is up to your standards.

    I've torn my insides out over and over trying to change peoples actions and open their eyes to how they affect others and me. I've cut some people out and I've accepted others are who they are and those friendships have bloomed into something nice.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality


    I believe I have forgiven her. I just haven't forgotten. I know she wants to go back to the way we were. I feel that if we were to begin again, it would be a new beginning.
    If she truly wants that, she will fix what she has broken.

    If not, time to move on.
    Once a betrayer, always a betrayer ...
    owlyinfj thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Clamp down on the shit we need and can't do without, dispose of everything that is extra. Withdraw into yourself, focus on you and then fuck everything unnecessary that was not apart of the betrayal. Move on.
    owlyinfj thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors


    I've had my share of traumatic experiences, and I don't think we ever come out whole. But why is that so bad, and who is to say that we are ever whole in the first place?

    You have to decide if the relationship and bond you formed in the past is worth fighting for. We all make mistakes, so I usually look into the circumstances or motives of the other person. If it is clear that the other person had no regard for me as a human being, then I may not be so quick to forgive and accept. They may convince me to give them another chance, but they have to show me that they are sorry and are willing to learn from the incident.
    owlyinfj thanked this post.


     

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