[INFJ] The Silly Yearnings of a Silly INFJ

The Silly Yearnings of a Silly INFJ

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This is a discussion on The Silly Yearnings of a Silly INFJ within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul. Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant ...

  1. #1

    The Silly Yearnings of a Silly INFJ

    I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

    Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...

    What I saw of the world... was superficial. Superficial people obsessed with material things, make-up, and designer clothes. I found out pretty quickly that the world doesn't really want me to be myself, didn't really care about my passions or convictions. So I built a wall around my soul... my passions... my beliefs... my conflicts. On the outside... I just made friends... and went to school.

    I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.

    And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

    Does anyone relate?
    spook, BlissfulDreams, Nitou and 13 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Btmangan View Post
    I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

    Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...

    What I saw of the world... was superficial. Superficial people obsessed with material things, make-up, and designer clothes. I found out pretty quickly that the world doesn't really want me to be myself, didn't really care about my passions or convictions. So I built a wall around my soul... my passions... my beliefs... my conflicts. On the outside... I just made friends... and went to school.

    I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.

    And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

    Does anyone relate?

    I felt like this post could've been written by me, but yes.... I relate to this... There was one point where I wanted to show that story, MY story, a snapshot of who I am - my convictions, my passions, ME, to someone that really got me.. I tried once... he was another INFJ and yeah... it was the only time I felt someone really GOT who I was all about. Unfortunately, i realized that he was only interested in that 300 pages of me that i had already wrote, but not the 3,000 pages i was looking to fill in... not sure if that makes sense. anyway we were young.

    But yeah, these days... I feel that i have a wall around my soul because "the world doesn't really want me to be myself." I've learned how to act the part the world wants me, too. and sometimes i feel that i am merely existing to experience things, but my life feels UNlived sometimes.

    I'm.... feeling a bit melancholic right now.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors


    At times I become sad because going through life I get this sense that I can understand other people better than they can understand me, or at least spend a lot of time trying to understand them but see much less reciprocal effort.

    However I have also met some other intuition dominant types in my life and it does seem like they come the closest to understanding what is going on inside my head. So have hope - one day you will meet someone who will just click with you with both their heart and mind. It is just that N-dominants are so rare that I really haven't gotten to know another one on a deep meaningful level until I was 19-20. Before that I felt utterly misunderstood and puzzled with people around me. I have now also mostly made peace with the fact that me spending time trying to understand where other people are coming from is a result of a particular wiring of my mind and it is unrealistic of me to expect others to extensively engage in same type of thinking.
    Btmangan, Unicorntopia, The Vizier and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I built a wall around a place where even I won't go.

    Vel, when you say N-dominant does that mean just Ni or does it include Ne?

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors


    Quote Originally Posted by Nitou View Post
    Vel, when you say N-dominant does that mean just Ni or does it include Ne?
    Ne as well as it is same function just turned in different orientation.

    However I suspect that there is a contributing factor coming from other functions here. ENTPs are TiFe users just like INFJs and I find that I have more understanding and less miscommunication between myself and people who use same judging functions as I do. We just tend to agree on same things, may be to different extents though. I'd even extend it further to say that we tend to react to same types of humor even. In this sense I usually feel more of complementarity with other FeTi intuitives - INTPs, ENFJs, ENTPs, and other INFJs. INTJs may share our Ni, but they are use TeFi in making judgements. I frankly find Te to not be very exciting unlike Ti (xNFPs though seem to not be able to get enough of it) and Fi in tertiary or inferior position can be repulsive to me. Hence with INTJs I typically feel like 50/50 when it comes to understanding. I can 'get' half of them and the other half remains foreign to me, plus an occasional cold breeze coming from tertiary Fi that makes the hairs in the back of my neck raise up a little.
    Nitou, Btmangan, Goodewitch and 2 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Btmangan View Post
    Does anyone relate?
    yeah but I don't really need the world to do anything in my favour, I'm doing well enough on my own
    Goodewitch thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers

    About what I said above, "I built a wall around a place where even I won't go." I get the impression that the INFJ has a fuzzy outer layer above an exoskeleton above ??. Btmangan you describe a little of the layer below. I've put my "self" outside of that wall for my own preservation. To go down there is destabilizing, and living above it I am more superficial but more stable. I feel that INFJ inhabits the territory where I fear to go. Just wondering, do you feel homesick for some lost and unknown place?

    I don't feel the need for someone to fully understand me. I have difficulty even forming coherent thoughts on some things, let alone expressing them. Nevertheless, I feel the isolation too. To kind of repeat what Vel said, I compare it to a psychic vibration: if you meet someone whose psyche hums at the same frequency as yours, or a melodic frequency, then you can bond deeply with them. But it is unusual to meet someone like that. I have friends with whom I cannot feel a deep bond even though I wish I could.
    Unicorntopia and balderdash thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Btmangan View Post
    I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

    Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...
    Yes, I can most definitly relate to this. I still yearn to find someone who can look into my soul. I no longer hide behind a lonely sad mask full of hope.

    Quote Originally Posted by Btmangan View Post
    I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.
    Exactly as I was and still am. I write. It amazes me what one learns through writing. I do not let people read my journals, but I do let them read my poetry...I write me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Btmangan View Post
    And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

    Does anyone relate?
    The snapshot was written at a different time. When you wrote that snapshot, you were learning about who you are. One is ever evolving. The only reason that I can see why one could feel that they have failed in showing a past snapshot is: Now one is stronger for having written those many pages. One has changed for the better through their writing. One is basically the same person but has grown. This stronger person is the one that should be shown to another.

    I am forever evolving. Sometimes I take two steps forward and sometimes two steps back. Sounds like a dance doesn't it!

    Yes, I strongly relate! Oh yeah, I want a man that will look into my soul! LOL But I don't rightly know if someone really can.
    The Vizier and balderdash thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by curious0610 View Post
    Unfortunately, i realized that he was only interested in that 300 pages of me that i had already wrote, but not the 3,000 pages i was looking to fill in... not sure if that makes sense. anyway we were young.
    Makes perfect sense to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by curious0610 View Post
    But yeah, these days... I feel that i have a wall around my soul because "the world doesn't really want me to be myself." I've learned how to act the part the world wants me, too. and sometimes i feel that i am merely existing to experience things, but my life feels UNlived sometimes.

    I'm.... feeling a bit melancholic right now.
    I know these feelings all too well, sadly to say. Now days, I tend to buck the social expectations...wait! Did I always do that to some extent? Yeppers! Yet, truly I am still a nice person. I just speak my mind. Many layers I am, as all people are. Which is actually a good thing indeed! But none the less, the feeling is always there in the back of my mind.
    The Vizier and balderdash thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Unknown Personality


    I've never been good at having friends. As a child I used to sit on my own drawing most of the time.

    I long to have someone I can share my interests with and who will feel as enthusiastic about them as I do. My mum says that sometimes they feel that I try to force my ideas and interests on them. And I suppose I do. I don't have anyone to share my interests with so I try to get my family to think the way I do. I don’t know why I bother because they just get fed up of hearing me talk about the same thing over and over. And then I get upset when I realise that they would rather I shut up.

    People can be very fickle. I’ve had many fickle friends. I long to find someone who will stick with me through the good and the bad. My family do this but sometimes I feel restricted at home, that even there I can’t fully be myself.

    The annoying thing is that my family often tell me that they don't really know what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling because I don't talk to them. My brother (he's and INTP) says that I have no opinions of my own. They said that sometimes they think I expect them to be mind readers. To some extent I agree with them, but it’s not exactly that I expect them to be mind readers. I expect them to know me well enough when something is wrong. Or that when they ask me "are you all right?" they need to actually sound like they really want me to answer truthfully and not just say "yes" or "I'm fine". I’m the sort of person that needs ‘probing’. I think Extroverts are good at this…my family are all introverts.

    When they say that I don’t talk to them I do talk to them. It’s just they don’t listen. My mum will start getting distracted by something else in the room so I can see she isn’t listening and my brother just criticises every opinion that I have so I think why bother sharing anything at all?

    Sorry for the long post...I just had to get that out of my system!
    Unicorntopia and balderdash thanked this post.


     
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