[INFJ] Let down by ESTJ mother

Let down by ESTJ mother

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This is a discussion on Let down by ESTJ mother within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Let down by ESTJ mother

    First of all, I apologize if my writing is difficult to read; I am so shaken and upset right now.

    I currently attend a public high school with 2500 students. Every day, I go home and collapse or cry. I hate how thousands of unique individuals are being fitted into a "one size fits all" package to be shipped out into the "real world." I don't have real friends. That sounds cliché, however I do have a group of 10 classmates who have been in the same "highly gifted" program with me since elementary school. We used to be good friends back when we were younger and school felt like a safe place. Now, it is so blatantly obvious to me that they don't give a damn about me, and I am not fooled when they suddenly appreciate my help when they need something, but I still want to help them. I feel empty and overwhelmed.

    Today my ESTJ mom asked me something about whether people are nice to me at school, and I just started to break down. She kept urging me to tell her what's wrong, so I told her that no one genuinely cares about me and I feel hopeless. For what seemed like the millionth time, she told me that I am just too sensitive and have to stop expecting people and myself to be perfect. Then, she said that "It's not a crime to only care about yourself. That is the world we live in today." Don't get me wrong; I love my mom more than anyone on earth, and I know she cares deeply for me, too. It is a struggle to communicate with her, and I always adjust my words so I don't say something that sounds disconcerting to her. I know I am excessively sensitive, but I always embraced that because that makes me who I am. I also know that the world she grew up in was black-and-white and tough, so that is why she doesn't understand why I am so discouraged. From a superficial glance, I'm in the top 1% and am "well-liked by everybody." The reason why I'm upset is that she makes me feel like I'm insane, like everyone else is normal for looking out for themselves, and I'm the crazy one.

    One more thing I have to rant about- when all my classmates talk about joining clubs they don't care about because "it looks good on the college application and colleges want to see community service." Every time I hear them say that, I just want to punch a wall.

    Does anyone relate or have anything to add from their high school days?



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors


    Quote Originally Posted by carbonvisions View Post
    One more thing I have to rant about- when all my classmates talk about joining clubs they don't care about because "it looks good on the college application and colleges want to see community service." Every time I hear them say that, I just want to punch a wall.
    This is why I did community service. I wish someone had told me that 95% of colleges out there just care whether you pay them or not, and don't look at community service.

    It's really a cultural thing propagated by high school teachers.

    ----------------------------------------

    As for the rest of your post. I guess I don't see the point in crying about it. Granted, I have a thing against crying.

    Many people do only really care about their little bubble, and I'm just as guilty. It doesn't make it right, but it's not something to get discouraged over either.

    You have the ability to care about what you want to care about, so you don't have to be like everyone else, and this makes you unique. But you can't really expect everyone else to be the same as you. It would be nice, but the world doesn't work that way.

  3. #3
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by carbonvisions View Post
    First of all, I apologize if my writing is difficult to read; I am so shaken and upset right now.

    I currently attend a public high school with 2500 students. Every day, I go home and collapse or cry. I hate how thousands of unique individuals are being fitted into a "one size fits all" package to be shipped out into the "real world." I don't have real friends. That sounds cliché, however I do have a group of 10 classmates who have been in the same "highly gifted" program with me since elementary school. We used to be good friends back when we were younger and school felt like a safe place. Now, it is so blatantly obvious to me that they don't give a damn about me, and I am not fooled when they suddenly appreciate my help when they need something, but I still want to help them. I feel empty and overwhelmed.

    Today my ESTJ mom asked me something about whether people are nice to me at school, and I just started to break down. She kept urging me to tell her what's wrong, so I told her that no one genuinely cares about me and I feel hopeless. For what seemed like the millionth time, she told me that I am just too sensitive and have to stop expecting people and myself to be perfect. Then, she said that "It's not a crime to only care about yourself. That is the world we live in today." Don't get me wrong; I love my mom more than anyone on earth, and I know she cares deeply for me, too. It is a struggle to communicate with her, and I always adjust my words so I don't say something that sounds disconcerting to her. I know I am excessively sensitive, but I always embraced that because that makes me who I am. I also know that the world she grew up in was black-and-white and tough, so that is why she doesn't understand why I am so discouraged. From a superficial glance, I'm in the top 1% and am "well-liked by everybody." The reason why I'm upset is that she makes me feel like I'm insane, like everyone else is normal for looking out for themselves, and I'm the crazy one.

    One more thing I have to rant about- when all my classmates talk about joining clubs they don't care about because "it looks good on the college application and colleges want to see community service." Every time I hear them say that, I just want to punch a wall.

    Does anyone relate or have anything to add from their high school days?
    Many people struggle with high school. You're not the first, nor will you be the last.

    If you care too much about what other people are doing, it will drive you insane. Not that you should only care about yourself, but to a certain extent paying more attention to your own concerns is the road to sanity. This includes, ironically, if you truly wish to do things for selfless reasons. If you want to do community service out of selfless reasons, then go ahead and do it. If others do it for their own reasons, well it's their reasons not yours. Go ahead and help those in need, and don't worry about why others are doing the same. The fact remains you're doing something for a noble reason.

    I know high school kids can be annoying, but forgive them. They are after all high school kids. I guarantee once they leave high school they'll become different people if you ever meet them again. Some people take a longer time to mature than others. Also be forgiving to your mother, she's trying to help you as best she can with the wisdom at her disposal. I know it might not seem helpful advice, and perhaps it isn't. Yet it's better than if she didn't care right?

    Having said that, it's not a crime to be sensitive by nature.
    carbonvisions and sunflowersoul thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Thank you. Just a few hours later, I'm laughing while rereading what I wrote. I was so silly and worrying too much! It was difficult living in that moment, but the lessons learned afterward are priceless. I talked with my mom, and she told me this: "From the time you were little, I knew you were an old soul and always so cautious and sensitive. Those kids are all still growing up, so please forgive them if they do something to you out of foolishness. Everyone matures differently. Don't let it bother you, especially when it doesn't bother them!"

    She is right in every sense, and quite honestly I just needed a "wake-up call" haha
    Thanks again.


 

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