First of all, I apologize if my writing is difficult to read; I am so shaken and upset right now.
I currently attend a public high school with 2500 students. Every day, I go home and collapse or cry. I hate how thousands of unique individuals are being fitted into a "one size fits all" package to be shipped out into the "real world." I don't have real friends. That sounds cliché, however I do have a group of 10 classmates who have been in the same "highly gifted" program with me since elementary school. We used to be good friends back when we were younger and school felt like a safe place. Now, it is so blatantly obvious to me that they don't give a damn about me, and I am not fooled when they suddenly appreciate my help when they need something, but I still want to help them. I feel empty and overwhelmed.
Today my ESTJ mom asked me something about whether people are nice to me at school, and I just started to break down. She kept urging me to tell her what's wrong, so I told her that no one genuinely cares about me and I feel hopeless. For what seemed like the millionth time, she told me that I am just too sensitive and have to stop expecting people and myself to be perfect. Then, she said that "It's not a crime to only care about yourself. That is the world we live in today." Don't get me wrong; I love my mom more than anyone on earth, and I know she cares deeply for me, too. It is a struggle to communicate with her, and I always adjust my words so I don't say something that sounds disconcerting to her. I know I am excessively sensitive, but I always embraced that because that makes me who I am. I also know that the world she grew up in was black-and-white and tough, so that is why she doesn't understand why I am so discouraged. From a superficial glance, I'm in the top 1% and am "well-liked by everybody." The reason why I'm upset is that she makes me feel like I'm insane, like everyone else is normal for looking out for themselves, and I'm the crazy one.
One more thing I have to rant about- when all my classmates talk about joining clubs they don't care about because "it looks good on the college application and colleges want to see community service." Every time I hear them say that, I just want to punch a wall.
Does anyone relate or have anything to add from their high school days?