Sorry guys and gals, I just felt I had to put this up somewhere to stop the pain.
I feel sick.
Not like I'm ill. Just sick to my stomach.
I'd love to claim I'm lonely, but I'm not, I'm surrounded by people that understand me.
I'm irritable, quick tempered and frustrated all the time, there's a voice in my head that tells me I'm pathetic.
I can't help but agree.
I am pathetic.
Look at me, I'm crying even as I type this.
I'm sick of all this emotion inside of me, it's tearing me apart again.
I want to delete all I've written here but I have to post this, show people my open wounds so I can't hide away and let them fester until I snap again.
I'm an emotional wreck.
I need to be there for people all the time, I can't let them down, but my fractured mind is too slow to do anything, I'm barely passing my college course because I hate it so much, I can't even gauge my friends anymore, I make incorrect assumptions and it comes back and bites me on the ass.
I see all the happy faces and I can see them die, it makes my heart leap and break at the same time, less of a drain on the planet and nature, but their families are devastated.
I can't make decisions anymore, like putting a copper rod between two magnets and wanting it to stick to one. It makes me angry, and I snap at people, which makes them fear me or hate me, I'm filled with regrets and self hatred.
Contemplating suicide isn't a nice idea.
But then, what is a good idea?
To live on, depressed, as nobody wants to touch my weeping, pus filled, maggot ridden heart?
I just want it all to end, one way or the other...