I've talked about my life on here quite a few times so to repeat would make me a broken record. And a common INFJ's lifes would be massively different from each other
This is a discussion on Life of a common INFJ within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I've talked about my life on here quite a few times so to repeat would make me a broken record. ...
I've talked about my life on here quite a few times so to repeat would make me a broken record. And a common INFJ's lifes would be massively different from each other
I was also the youngest child born, one sister and one brother. My mother is emotionally abusive, a narcissist, and addicted to pills. I've always been the "scapegoat" of the family while my sister was the "golden child." I was continually told starting at a young age and throughout my childhood that my birth was a mistake and I shouldn't exist. I never received anything from my mother, whether it was birthday gifts or just a simple "I love you." Never lived up to her unachievable standards, and continually questioned how someone could become so corrupted. With all of this though, I still strangely feel a sense of contentment with myself, and all that has transpired throughout my life. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by music as a child with the help of my grandfather, who was a musician and composer. After my grandfather passed, I was given all of his musical equipment at the age of 8 which doesn't really seem like much to a toddler, but to me, it made up for all of the love I was never given. We've always been financially unstable so couldn't afford lessons, so I thought I would take the initiative to teach myself. I met my first, and still only real friend when we were in 1st grade. We were the only two kids in class who sat in the grass by ourselves and listened to our CD Walkmans at recess...so it was inevitable that we would soon become good friends. As the years passed we would go to each other's houses and bond through our love of music. Discussing, exchanging, listening to, and playing all kinds of music together gave me an imperforate solace to my mind and spirit. (Still does!) I have just recently taught myself how to write and read music notation, and hope to follow in my grandfather's footsteps of becoming a musician. I hope with my music, I can give back to the world, by comforting those feeling sorrow, as I once did as a child. It still and always will hurt knowing that I won't ever be able to have a mother who loves me. She has contributed to molding me into the INFJ that I am today, which I am ever-so gracious for, and has permanently become the symbol of what I will NEVER become.
Last edited by Philosapollo; 04-07-2011 at 05:54 AM.
hmm ... interesting .. a few things are in common so far:
1. Romantic relationships based on being the caregiver / protector
2. Love for music / art / literature
3. 1-2 major friends at a time ...
4. Some major or minor tragedy in life .. but the ability and strength to carry on - latching on to some particular goal / object / person.
Gr8 thread ... perhaps more so for the newbies .. but really thanks a lot for this thread. Makes me wish I had an INFJ friend through my life - (for me my mom doesn't count, because she is a very protective, but passive INFJ - who protected me, but never really fought hard enough for me)
I figure if Im going to share my story I might as well do it right, and thanks to all for sharing yours.
I too was born the youngest child, My father was in the air force so my family moved around a lot, we lived in England, Germany and Belgium for awhile. I was very INFJ at an early age, I never had many friends due to all the moving so I would make up stories and act them out in the forests and in the old abandoned homes around the countryside. I spent most of my childhood alone, my brother was there but he was into sports and hanging with the local kids playing soccer so I found my own way amongst the trees and the hills living out my daydreams.
My parents divorced when I was like 5, I was deep in my own world then and never really acknowledged it when it happened. I stayed with my father and older brother overseas and my mother moved back to Texas. I was about 6-7 when my brother began acting out, becoming a serious problem child. due to some of his outlandish actions while attending school on base forced the military to discharge my father, ending his 15 year career as an emergency medic. it was a very heavy blow to him...
My father, basically fed up with my brother, sent us to live with my mother (who got married) in San Antonio, and he moved away and out of touch, I didn't have much contact with him for almost 10 years. My brother never gave up that macho, gangster act eventually joining a gang in Texas and causing all kinds of havoc for my mother and I. I was very quiet during that period watching my mother struggle and deal with my brothers actions, its only later on in my life did I really start to hear and understand the true extent of my brothers actions. My brother and I never really had much of a relationship, I never asked anything of him and he never asked anything of me, and we both don't really talk to this day. His actions caused me to adopt my first family persona to hide anything about myself that would hurt my mother, I just couldn't live with myself if I ever broke my mothers heart like my brother already did.
Music...Music was the defining force for me into middle and high school. Metal..techno..it became my world, my secret world that I truly embraced and felt apart of. I formed tons of bands with friends...secretly went to raves, clubs all around Texas in a search to find myself. My grades were good until high school, I almost didn't pass my junior year because there is a rule against missing more then 40 days of class but they let me off. It wasn't that I was a bad student it was just that I didn't care about school, I was interested in music and would skip class to hang with my girlfriend (we would skip class together), older metal head/punk friends and set up rehearsals and play local shows. I only had one serious relationship in high school, It lasted 3 years and was the closest I had been to true love. My ambition in the end didn't match hers.. she knew perfectly what she wanted to do, college, pharmacist..and I was clueless, pathless and really stupid I didn't go with her...I don't know what my life could have been with her but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about.
I was a "group drifter" during high school, I had many groups of friends, one group was my "lifelong friends" the most open I was with just about anyone ever. Another group was a metal head / punk group (most of them were in their 20s and were way older then me but I was so good at acting more mature they always thought I was like 21 but I was only 16) completely separate from the other. A third group (that would eventually merge with my close friends group) was into clubbing and raves and were what I would dub, "modern day hippies". I had persona's I would adopt for each, I would hang out with one group for like a month and then I would hang out with another for a few months, balancing each equally and separately so that they would never really know anything about the other. If anyone in those groups ever noticed what I was doing, they never openly stated so. There was about 60 people across all those groups total, and many of them never met the others and only about 3 really deep down knew me...
Drugs...big pivotal issue that changed everything. Ive never done drugs...ever, I don't believe in them never have..never will. I could barely handle my emotions and thoughts back then sober, let alone if drugs got involved I would have lost my sanity. drugs would eventually be the downfall of everyone of those groups. The hippie group / close friends group got dissolved when the drugs opened a deep chasm that separated the druggies from the sober, with each group cutting off all ties with the other it got pretty violent towards the end. The metal group guys all became hateful of each other due to drugs and discord and would all go off in their own directions. It was like watching a ship sink slowly over time and being powerless to stop it, being the INFJ I tried to help where I could and comfort those that needed it but it was all pretty futile.
Wednesday, 5th of June 2004 I remember it like it was yesterday, was the critical day when we all finally realized it was all over, the final nail in the coffin for my last group of original friends. That night while coming back from a club we got jumped by a group of gang members with crowbars and they put my friend Ish in the hospital and almost had his ear taken off by one of them. In the fight many of my closest friends ditched me, two of my girl friends and Ish bleeding on the ground to fend for ourselves. In a group of friends who we thought would be there for each other until the end it was a huge blow that really destroyed the last remnants of trust and we all had for each other.
After that night I went solo, left it all behind to clean up my act and graduate my senior year with straight As. I joined the military and signed up for 4 years as a 19K M1A1 Battle Tank Operator. did my Basic Training, and eventually was placed with 3/3 I troop 3rd Armored Cavalry in Colorado. Deployed to Iraq in 06' for about 14 months which was easily one of the longest and hardest things I ever had to go through, 1 year there felt like 5 back in the states. Our unit by the end got hit pretty hard, in my company alone I lost 6 good friends to car bombs LT Smith, SPC Pope, SSG Freeman, SFC Phelps, PFC Reyes, and SPC Kubasak. PFC Tucker, lost both of his arms due to a car bomb. When we returned home we were all pretty melancholic and I was ready to get out, I finished my time and left the military. I found steady jobs throughout over the years and I decided to return to Austin to be closer to my family, and that is where I am today.
My brother didn't cool down until he was almost 30 and deep in debt with 3 children that hes paying child support for. My relationship with my father (recently learned he is an ISTJ) is slowly getting better by the year, we talk often and go into deep discussions about life and the universe catching up on time lost. Found out not too long ago that one of my step brothers came out of the closet and said he was gay. His father and my mother being religious didn't take it well so soon I plan to reach out to him and let him know he has support. Also recently I got interested in learning more about myself and meeting people that are of similar demeanor to better understand INFJs everywhere.
In conclusion I look at my life as a story of warning, If you take anything from my story let it be that drugs are very serious and can lead to untold destruction in your life. Drug use claimed two of my closest friends, one overdosed and the other was killed in a head on collision while under the influence. Don't underestimate the power of drugs they can start off slow but they escalate quickly and turn deadly.
Also...even if you don't believe in war and in the military please don't cut the soldiers short, there are many great people out there who are willing to sacrifice their lives to protect everything we take for granted here in the states. Soldiers don't care about politics, they don't care if your black, latino, gay, straight, whatever they will fight for you and this country no matter the cost so please don't forget that.
And lastly from one INFJ to another..learn to live with yourself...seriously, learn to understand who you are and don't be afraid to be yourself...life is too short to dwell in negativity and fear, learn to embrace that side of you and learn to control it before it controls you. ....learn to accept yourself for who you are the earlier you learn to love yourself the better off you will be.
Last edited by Somberlain; 04-07-2011 at 07:28 AM.
Was born in the Philippines, lived there up til the age of 13. Had a very tough life, raised by a single parent, never met my biological father,always moved from one relative's house to another, moved to 5 different schools, had an abusive childhood perpetrated by certain relatives and this was physical, sexual, emotional abuse, neglect by mother due to focussing on work and me left in the care of relatives. Had a very good education though, quiet as a kid but very studious and bookish. Always dreamt of helping ppl in some way or become a writer. Created my fantasy world to escape the harsh realties of life or to survive. The psychologist diagnosed this as disscociative disorder, but i was also taught that this was SURVIVAL. Loved singing, reading poetry. Would stop on the streets to give my pocket money and packed lunch to beggars and street kids. Had lots of friends in elementary school, always had at least two to three close friends.
Moved to Australia at the age of 13 with mum, my stepdad and half brother. Mum married a nice family friend who i consider my real dad and my hero. He treats me like his own daughter, would not tolerate me if im acting defeated, and always encourage me to be better, confident, have life skills, taught me about the consequences of my actions rather than call me stupid or scream at me like mum does. I had counselling from15 to 20 years old re: diagnosed post traumatic stress disorder and depression. Got the help that i needed. Refused to take medication, my heath proffessionals were supportive of this and saw that i did not need it.
My first relationship lasted 3months, was very abusive relationship. Rebelled against my parents in my teen years cos i wasnt allowed to have a bf until i turned 18. Had not so serious relationships after that. My first serious relationship lasted a year and a half, broke up mutually, ddnt work out. In a loving respectful relationship for two years now.
All throughout my teenage years, it was focussing on getting myself emotionally better and reconciling my past. I know i wanted a good life for myself. My mum and stepdad were very supportive of this although they didnt always understand me but they were good parents. I had good grades in highschool, i had a good group of girls that were my friends and a very loud entertaining gay friend. I was called a nerd, too quiet, too shy, excelled academically and played flute in the school band and wrote for the school paper. Loved music, graphic design, social studies and volunteeres to be a buddy to international students.
Came out of my shell in uni, made lots of friends from all cultures and different bgs, went clubbing and pubbing a lot, had two close friends i hung out with. Also made friends outside of uni, worked part time as a cashier on weekends and sometimes after uni. Was very busy, also joined the uni gym and did salsa. Had falling out with friends from highschool but still keep in touch with some today. Worked with ppl with disabilites and homeless youth while at uni as part of the course.
Graduated at the age of 22 with a double degree in social work and social planning. Have been working as a social worker for 3 years. I'm 25 now. Not taking anything for granted and hope that i can make a difference in ppl's lives and continue to grow proffessionally as well as personally and continue to build a better life for myself.
good thread shaddie. And i like hearing from other ppl's experiences, i dont know if there is one common INFJ. I mean just hearing ppl's stories, there seems to be varied experiences. and life has thrown different problems, situations, and also people infjs come in contact with. One thing that seems to stand out for me though is that INFJs create a fantasy world for themselves to escape or what ive learned is survival against problems. For me, this is not a problem used as a temporary coping mechanism, it only becomes a problem when fantasy takes over ur life and when infjs dnt face up to solve their problems.
There's also that shared desire for protecting or helping the less fortunate or people in need common among infjs
Different circumstances also bring different results and this is not just for infjs.
I'm the eldest son of two sensors, my mom is ISFJ and my dad most likely is ESFJ. I grew up living with my parents and grandparents in the same house and none of them were NFs so empathy was not exactly overflowing in my household.
I think I had my first "girlfriend" in grade two. I was about eight. We used to hang out in the school yard together. I remember one time she got a thorn stuck in her leg from the bushes near the fence and I gently pulled it out for her and wiped off the blood with my fingers. She used to threaten other kids who bugged her that her "boyfriend" would beat them up if they didn't leave her alone. That was a nice compliment, but I never fought anybody in school (let alone beat them up, lol!). One day the teacher caught me doodling in my notebook in class so she walked over to my desk to see what I was doing and then read what I wrote it to the entire class: "I love Tiffany". I was so embarrassed! It was like I really wanted to let the entire world know how I feel (Fe coming out) but then hide from it at the same time so they wouldn't all laugh at me.
Reminds me of my story about my english teacher. At the age of 15, (grade 9), I fell in love a much older (but very cute) english teacher ... and secretly to this day, I still am (shhhhh). I used to find little excuses to stick around her .. help her out with her stuff, take part in little class activities just so I could stay close to her. And man, did she help me discover myself. She inspired me. She changed me as a person. I would probably be nothing if she had not spent that year counselling me. In fact, she even arranged class activities with a goal to help me (or so I believe) - she did little personality tests to help me discover myself. She was by far the most wonderful person I have ever known in my entire life ... now I don't know where she is .. last I checked online, she was listed as a teacher in some remote school all the way somewhere in South America ... don't think I'll ever be seeing her again (but I still have my fingers crossed).
Creating a fantasy world to escape from problems is one of the themes of the song "Eva" by Nightwish. I can't post a link to the video since this is only my second post. The song is beautiful and sad and just wanted to share it to all of you.
I appreciate hearing about your stories, INFJ's. I don't think I'm an INFJ but more like an INFP.
I didn't create a real fantasy world until i was 13 ^^