[INFJ] That Desire To Help Others Is Dying. What Do I Do?

That Desire To Help Others Is Dying. What Do I Do?

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This is a discussion on That Desire To Help Others Is Dying. What Do I Do? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ...

  1. #1
    Unknown Personality

    That Desire To Help Others Is Dying. What Do I Do?

    If you ever saw the movie "Amélie", you will see that Amélie has this very deep desire to help everyone around her, even if they were just complete strangers to her. Growing up, I had this same deep need to help people, to save the world if you would, just like a superhero would. I love to play therapist for people when I was younger, almost pushing them to come forth their problems so that I can help them solve them, and I was always the one to be there for my friends when they needed it. They said I give them great advice, and it feels good to know that I can do that for them.

    I even remember, when I was just in elementary school, that they gave us this assignment for all of us to go to this kindergarten class and become their teacher's "helpers" for that day, to help the students and what not. I was assigned to this little girl who had trouble reading. I sat there with her, very close to me, and I gently showed her how to pronounce each letter until she had them right, and I praised her every time she did a good job on reading her material. After that day, my teacher pulled me aside and told me that I had to be the most patient human being she has ever come to know.

    Of course, my own life has it's struggles. I had loved and lost people, and not even in that romantic sense, but in a platonic sense too. Now for some reason, this is making me not want to help people when I used to be passionate about it. The passion I had to become a helper is just a smudge left and it's quickly dissolving. I don't know what to do, but any insight would be great for me, because I want to go back to being that girl who wanted to save the world. Thank you for taking the time to read this.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Well, sometimes we need to take a break and help ourselves. Take time out to get to know yourself again. Once you start feeling a little more fullfilled then most likely you will regain the desire to reach out to others. As an INFJ, we tend to pull into ourselves every so often - like a reset button. Just give yourself time and don't put so much pressure on yourself to be that person you were. Life is a cycle, what comes around once will likely come around again...and as with most things, a person is much better at something when they are 100% driven and interested in doing it.

  3. #3
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by ForsakenMe View Post
    If you ever saw the movie "Amélie", you will see that Amélie has this very deep desire to help everyone around her, even if they were just complete strangers to her. Growing up, I had this same deep need to help people, to save the world if you would, just like a superhero would. I love to play therapist for people when I was younger, almost pushing them to come forth their problems so that I can help them solve them, and I was always the one to be there for my friends when they needed it. They said I give them great advice, and it feels good to know that I can do that for them.

    I even remember, when I was just in elementary school, that they gave us this assignment for all of us to go to this kindergarten class and become their teacher's "helpers" for that day, to help the students and what not. I was assigned to this little girl who had trouble reading. I sat there with her, very close to me, and I gently showed her how to pronounce each letter until she had them right, and I praised her every time she did a good job on reading her material. After that day, my teacher pulled me aside and told me that I had to be the most patient human being she has ever come to know.

    Of course, my own life has it's struggles. I had loved and lost people, and not even in that romantic sense, but in a platonic sense too. Now for some reason, this is making me not want to help people when I used to be passionate about it. The passion I had to become a helper is just a smudge left and it's quickly dissolving. I don't know what to do, but any insight would be great for me, because I want to go back to being that girl who wanted to save the world. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
    I think you've already helped yourself with your last line "I want to go back to being that girl who wanted to save the world" :) Still having that goal and that desire means that that part of you is still alive and kicking, though subdued by recent life events at the moment. I would worry more if you just didn't want to do it anymore.

    Believe me, my life has been pretty pathetic (as you probably already know) - but to avoid repetition I'll just answer what I used to do when I would feel the same. I've gone through extended periods of bitterness, relationship avoidance (3-4 years at a time) which I would use see as a healing period (i'm a firm believer in the time heals all theory). But all the while, I kept myself closely attached to the one or two people who mattered the most and kept my feelings of empathy and compassion alive for them. Even now when i've lost everyone IRL, I've kept those 2-4 people close (my mom, a couple of far away friends).

    Eventually, your desire to do good will return. This world really needs all the wonderful, compassionate people it can get, especially right now. Perhaps you may feel like at the moment that you can't 'change the world' but for now, you can latch on to doing smaller acts of kindness to people closer to you and with age you'll be able to do more and more :) I once posted about my teenage dream of changing the corporate world from the inside out ... well, it's taken me 16 whole years of holding on to that objective, but i'm finally in a position where I believe that I'm making a difference - at least on a smaller scale than the globe, but at least in my area of expertise it just may. So yes, despite all the troubles and the setbacks - it can be done.
    Azullade, ellio, Mei and 7 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Jawz View Post
    Eventually, your desire to do good will return. This world really needs all the wonderful, compassionate people it can get, especially right now. Perhaps you may feel like at the moment that you can't 'change the world' but for now, you can latch on to doing smaller acts of kindness to people closer to you and with age you'll be able to do more and more :) I once posted about my teenage dream of changing the corporate world from the inside out ... well, it's taken me 16 whole years of holding on to that objective, but i'm finally in a position where I believe that I'm making a difference - at least on a smaller scale than the globe, but at least in my area of expertise it just may. So yes, despite all the troubles and the setbacks - it can be done.
    This is awesome advice Mr. Jawz. To the OP, I just want to add that serving others is actually the PATH to feeling better about yourself and your situation, so even though you may not currently have desire to do it, it's important to discipline yourself to do it anyway. It will "snowball" on you. So, yeah, it's ok to step back and recharge, for however long that might take, but eventually you will have to just do it and trust that the rewards will come.
    Vivid Melody, Jawz, unico and 4 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Unknown

    I agree with what everyone else has said -- maybe you need a break, but after awhile trying to get back into helping others might lead you to liking it and wanting to continue it. See what makes you happy and chase after that and when you're ready maybe you'll be ready to spread good fortune to others again.
    Verlavender, napoleon227, DreamingSoul and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    Unknown Personality

    Ah, so my batteries just needs to be recharged a little bit before I save the world again? :) That's fine. I'll just take a break then and help myself a little before doing that for other people.

    Thanks guys, once again you all proved to me that you're too amazing for words. :D

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    i wouldn't say its so much as just recharging your batteries that just seems to be more of a general response after reading ur post.
    I used be just like you described always trying to help being praised for the good things that i did always being told im soo nice and just a really awesome guy, friend etc.. just like you i went through a lot, and after all of it the urge or well the gift i had to be able to help anyone around me for better or worse was almost like just leaving me. this is where i can see ppl come to tell you just relax for a bit and when you feel better get up and do it again. well i don't think its that easy, when were younger we didnt have the weight of the world on our shoulders, we'd see the troubles, pain , and sadness of others and shared our own happiness with them and in a sense placed a part of ourselves in them. it wasn't something hard to do back then, Now seeing the immense pressure we all share in our lives and having the options to shape our paths in this world. We mess up make the wrong choices some times Fall and in my life Fall hard.. well to not make this so long to read. I believe to save that gift we share to call on it again and place ourselves out there in harms way for others we seek to help. We first need to break down the barriers we've placed to keep us from being hurt break down the walls in our minds from that place we go to hide wen it all turns into hell to the fear of loving because (what if).grasp on to ur soul and tell urself that you will love, that you will spread ur love even if you might end up being hurt. Forgive urself of the impurity's u might see in within that will make u unfit to be the person you want to be. seek enlightenment from within and flourish. Me personally I'm not done reshaping my self to help others like i used to but when i do i will share my own experience and insights with everyone around me :)
    Btw I'm sorry for the horrible grammar i was kinda in a rush hope you can understand what i wrote if not well send me a message and we can go further into this together.
    Mei and ForsakenMe thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    i Do however have a poem i Wrote that you might gain something from.

    To spread your wings and fly means to let go of all behind ... To see the truth behind the lies one must truly
    ask what we feel inside. To escape the binds which holds our minds , we must grasp at our souls and not wonder why..
    to then believe the happiness in our minds is to accept the fact that our hearts can lie and to seek it all...
    We must First Dare to Fall.
    ForsakenMe thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by ForsakenMe View Post
    If you ever saw the movie "Amélie", you will see that Amélie has this very deep desire to help everyone around her, even if they were just complete strangers to her. Growing up, I had this same deep need to help people, to save the world if you would, just like a superhero would. I love to play therapist for people when I was younger, almost pushing them to come forth their problems so that I can help them solve them, and I was always the one to be there for my friends when they needed it. They said I give them great advice, and it feels good to know that I can do that for them.

    I even remember, when I was just in elementary school, that they gave us this assignment for all of us to go to this kindergarten class and become their teacher's "helpers" for that day, to help the students and what not. I was assigned to this little girl who had trouble reading. I sat there with her, very close to me, and I gently showed her how to pronounce each letter until she had them right, and I praised her every time she did a good job on reading her material. After that day, my teacher pulled me aside and told me that I had to be the most patient human being she has ever come to know.

    Of course, my own life has it's struggles. I had loved and lost people, and not even in that romantic sense, but in a platonic sense too. Now for some reason, this is making me not want to help people when I used to be passionate about it. The passion I had to become a helper is just a smudge left and it's quickly dissolving. I don't know what to do, but any insight would be great for me, because I want to go back to being that girl who wanted to save the world. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
    Helping children is the best. :)
    ForsakenMe thanked this post.


     

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