This is a discussion on Ask an INFJ relationship question thread! within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Ray1500 I'm curious, what do INFJs think of INFPs? The only INFJ friend I had was quite ...
I'm a J, my partner is very P and I often get irritated with him being scatter-brained, messy and postponing things into infinity, but when I talk to him about it I treat him as a human being.
It depends so much of the person. Fi can make a person stronger than Fe, internally, but Ni+J can make one "stronger" than P, in a way, and there are so many other possibilities besides these. Generally, I appreciate the INFPs I know. They might not be overly confident, but they have a strong core inside.
We (especially the enneagram 4) are tough enough to handle ENTJs even, perhaps the only type to. It just is a matter of how much willpower and care we are willing to put, we often don't wish to because a constant battle to -handle someone- is just not something we wish. Things should come naturally, people should not be earned with a fight but meet with freewill. That is also why it is no surprise that you see this face when an INFP takes the risk of cutting one off their lives and not until. We are really selective on what to spend this rush of intensity. To an observer this might seem avoidance or perhaps weakness. Or alternatively you can strike a chord and see.
I understand what's been said, by you and others who replied to my original post but nonetheless , question was asked and i answered it and people should respect that as well.
Personally, i couldn't be with INFPs romantically because of what i said.
Thing is, INFPs want to take care of you etc. I don't want to be taken care of. It is too much.
I actually communicated that to the INFP was dating at one stage. Don't get me wrong, i appreciate the thought etc.
Another potential issue is that INFPs well, at least one i was dating / friends with , doesn't not always speaks their minds. It can create a lot of issues down the track if people are not talking about things. I get where it is coming from, you don't like conflict etc. but still ...
Last edited by _Observer_; 08-21-2015 at 08:13 PM.
However the sentence you used is far from what you have addressed and tough might not be the word you are looking for. I would say - not thick skinned enough to handle INFJs- heheh
Wrong choice of language indeed. You correction is what i had in mind when i posted original post :)
I cannot possibly type the guy, but he seems to have dismissive-avoidant attachment style and is emotionally unavailable.
Here is an interesting little chapter from a web-page about emotionally unavailable men (written by one of those):
"the fact that we are emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean that we’re no longer desirous of a woman’s attention and affection. It also doesn’t mean we’ve lost the ability to perceive attractiveness and beauty and it most definitely doesn’t mean we’re no longer interested in sex. We will want all of those things, and we’re still going to work toward getting all of those things. Understanding this is essential to understanding the emotionally unavailable man.
At the heart of this miscommunication of sorts is the fact that women view emotional unavailability as a sickness, a disease whose cure is undoubtedly – Her.
Further, despite our strict adherence to logic and reason, and despite our perceived dominion over our feelings, the how and why of when we snap out of our emotional unavailability is often completely out of our control. It just happens. And when it does happen, we very rarely end up spending our lives with the woman who loved us throughout our stretch of unavailability. Nope, much to the collective chagrin of women who consistently love unavailable men, we snap out of it and run straight to a new chick. You want to know why don’t you? It’s because men use a formula to assign value to the women in their lives and a large part of that formula is derived from how much we believe that woman values herself. If you’ve been giving us all of you while requiring nothing more than our bare minimum then that negatively affects how much we believe you value yourself and we know in our heart we can never be with you.
We need to be challenged, we need to know that you’ll accept nothing less than everything. We need to believe that twenty, thirty, forty years from now we’ll still be compelled to be the best man we can possibly be by the simple act of you allowing us to continue to be in your presence."
@Ray1500 I think it could possibly be an Fi vs. Fe clash. I never really understood Fe until my now ex INFJ of over 3 years had reacted intensively in anger towards my behavior. Naturally he was always a very polite and accommodating person that cares about how people around him feel, even to strangers. On the other hand, my Fi especially combined with my Te, make me appear very reserved or stoic to others. I really don't care about how people feel around me unless they are important to me, so I don't play the game as well as others but my intentions are not bad, to me I'm just being direct about how I feel which is usually just content and wanting to be left alone in my own little world. There are only a very few people in my life that I will always fight for and remain loyal to because I feel like I shouldn't waste any emotions on people that don't matter. I know INFP's Fi are not at all like an INTJ's Fi, you guys are gentle, kind, and considerate of how other people feel (unless someone hurts you).
INFJs want harmony and they want to help people around them. They are attentive and caring to the point that they burn themselves out to make others feel happy. When they feel unappreciated or if you're acting insensitive towards them, then it will affect them deeply. I'm not very in touch with people's emotions or expressions, so I always thought that my INFJ was fine all along. They have the same outward appearance as INTJ and they tend to bottle things up inside and just explode with emotions out of no where. I think it could be because my INFJ is a guy and he feels that he can't express how he feels or he'll look weak, when in reality I was ignorant to the fact that he may be a highly sensitive person on top of going through one of the worst times of his life.
I should have learned to be more considerate and empathetic earlier on our relationship. I believe I've been making tremendous efforts the last few months, but he's just not in a good place in his life right now and he refuses to see any positivity in his life. I've always been patient with him and my love for him was always altrustic, loyal, and meaningful. He needs space right now, so even though I know in my heart that he's not seeing things clearly and he's just overwhelmed with negativity and emotions, I just need to let him be.
Sorry for the rambling, INFP are way better in reading and dealing with emotions than INTJ, so my problems may not be the same problems as yours, but I definitely think Fi vs. Fe can clash. I would say try not to take your feelings so personal or offended if your internal values are dismissed. Be more open minded and considerate around an INFJ and know that their value differ from yours. Communicate to them by being kind and acknowledge what they do for you. Do not be negative, they can be oversensitive towards their environment without you even knowing it.
Last edited by Honestly Lying; 08-29-2015 at 10:41 AM.