[INFJ] Do other INFJs have a major issue with being used and f**cked over?

Do other INFJs have a major issue with being used and f**cked over?

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This is a discussion on Do other INFJs have a major issue with being used and f**cked over? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hi INFJs, In my life I have constantly been the one to defend and care for my friends, always helping ...

  1. #1

    Do other INFJs have a major issue with being used and f**cked over?

    Hi INFJs,

    In my life I have constantly been the one to defend and care for my friends, always helping them whenever, and anyone in general. At the same time though, I have been used and taken advantage of. This is an example, when I have been hurt very badly by someone and have confided in a close friend about it, the close friend then goes and becomes friends with them or doesn't show loyalty etc. This sounds so childish but this really pisses me off.

    When you show your care for someone and they throw it in your face? It's one of the things that really annoys me. I do not hesitate for a second to protect and stand up for my loved ones, but they shake in their boots when they're in a position to do it for me.

    I don't know how to lower my expectations but ugh.
    Chiiyuu, snowbell, AriesLilith and 7 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I've never had any significant troubles with being knifed in the back, but then I'm incredibly slow to hand out trust. I have no expectations other than that most people are unreliable and will let me down, so I typically never confide in or ask anyone for help. It's the ones that go out of their way to help and prove themselves consistently trustworthy that I eventually become emotionally invested in an open up to.

    I have had acquaintances who'd hang around for X years, and then they'd steal something of mine (of relatively little value) and vanish, never to be heard from again... but then I never really valued their friendship very much, or even considered them an actual friend to begin with. They were just people I tolerated having around because it made passing the time slightly less boring. I mean these people had drug addict parents and they'd stayed at my place 2-3 nights most weeks for 2-4 years. Still, it doesn't really bother me at all. They'd talk negatively about other people quite often though, so obviously I'm not going to tell them anything important or secret. XD

    I think I'd jizz my pants if someone were to stand up for me just once, lmfao!

  3. #3

    Lol nobody likes this shit, you don't have to be an INFJ
    snowbell, Gifford Maxim, SoulSpark and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher View Post
    I don't know how to lower my expectations but ugh.

    Doesn't often happen to INTJs. We have awareness of possibilities, but not expectations. We try to foresee and avoid situations where harm could come from betrayal.
    I suppose you are a lot more trusting of your fellow humans.
    Gifford Maxim thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ


    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher View Post
    Hi INFJs,

    In my life I have constantly been the one to defend and care for my friends, always helping them whenever, and anyone in general. At the same time though, I have been used and taken advantage of. This is an example, when I have been hurt very badly by someone and have confided in a close friend about it, the close friend then goes and becomes friends with them or doesn't show loyalty etc. This sounds so childish but this really pisses me off.

    When you show your care for someone and they throw it in your face? It's one of the things that really annoys me. I do not hesitate for a second to protect and stand up for my loved ones, but they shake in their boots when they're in a position to do it for me.

    I don't know how to lower my expectations but ugh.

    This sounds more like an enneagram 9 thing than an INFJ thing. I think you might have a 9 somewhere in your tri type.

    As an INFP enneagram 9, I can relate a lot to this. People often use me, whenever they have some problems in their life they would come look for me and then use my listening ear for hours. And then when I need to talk about my own problems, they poof and disappeared into thin air.
    Copper North thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    This was like ages ago but when I was in highschool my friend that I knew like 10 years became such backstabber. Since then I dont really trust people at first glance. I was like 14 then. That would be reason why I bond with people really long time. There is not a lot of people who care.
    SoulSpark thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Schizoid View Post
    This sounds more like an enneagram 9 thing than an INFJ thing. I think you might have a 9 somewhere in your tri type.

    As an INFP enneagram 9, I can relate a lot to this. People often use me, whenever they have some problems in their life they would come look for me and then use my listening ear for hours. And then when I need to talk about my own problems, they poof and disappeared into thin air.
    There is 9w1 somewhere in my tritype, can't remember where though.
    Schizoid thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I don't really trust people at all except for my two best friends who have been around for 10+ years, sticking with me through the worst.

    Besides that all I do with anyone else is just spew a whole bunch of information. That and, even though it's frustrating, I've accepted that people only want me around when they need something from me rather than because they want to be around me. Usually leads me to care too much just to end up stabbed in the back (and I'm surprised I still have room back there for knives).

    Being a ghost helps though, nobody knows who you are so they leave you alone.
    Copper North thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    The better you get at observing the critical thinking skills and problem solving skills of people you are letting into your life, the less this will happen directly to you. We're in a consumer society. People are applying their approach at the mall to human relationships. They enter your world, get what they want and leave. It appears some people behave like a consumer in every realm of their life.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I don't think anyone is okay with being used in that way.

    That said, I bet INFJs have it worst.
    Groovy thanked this post.


     
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