Entp love triangle Istp and Infj

Entp love triangle Istp and Infj

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This is a discussion on Entp love triangle Istp and Infj within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; So I'm an Entp female. I've been married with an Istp for 4 years. We've fought most of them. I ...

  1. #1

    Entp love triangle Istp and Infj

    So I'm an Entp female. I've been married with an Istp for 4 years. We've fought most of them.

    I learned about the MBTI, half way through my marriage.

    Two years into my marriage, I met an infj( instant attraction, before I had tested him, or even understood MBTI in depth) I've been pretty much in love with the infj since the day I met him.

    The thing is, I wonder if he loves me. He makes me feel at peace.

    I don't know what specific questions to ask, I guess if anyone here has questions for me to explain further, I will.

    But I need to know if he loves me to make a major decision in my life. I'm not a cheater, so I'd never leave my husband in a disrespectful way. I don't 'want' to love the infj I just do. Incredibly. He's in my dreams. I can't escape my love for him.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    More importantly.

    There's nothing wrong with leaving your husband if it just isnt working out and you've done the best you can, but you shouldn't ever leave your husband for another person.

    If you leave him, make sure you're okay being alone. Meaning, make sure if it doesn't work out with the INFJ you won't look back thinking you made a mistake for divorcing.

    You leaving him shouldn't be about if the INFJ likes you or not--it should be about if you are ready to leave or not.

  3. #3

    Thank you, that definitely makes sense and I 100% agree. I'm in a state where I'm dependent on my husband. What complicates it more, is that I do love him. Just not inlove. Although it's because my Istp won't let it get to that level. He is off and on, and really I don't think he loves the real me.

    I know that if I ever do take the leap to leave my husband, even if the infj does love me, I would not jump into another relationship right away.

    I just want to know if this infj does love me so I can take it from there in my mind. It's the ambiguity of not knowing that is affecting my emotional stability. I'm not sure if that makes sense.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    :/

    You're basing whether or not you should stay in your marriage on whether he loves you back? I feel that's completely unfair to your partner. If he doesn't love you back, will you pretend the issues don't exist? Will you stay in the marriage until you meet someone else who's better? He deserves honesty whether the guy loves you back or not.

    My two cents: I think you should be basing your divorce on your current partner and situation. How important is your husband to you, how much do you want to save the relationship and do you still love him? If the relationship is still important to you, I would consider marriage counselling if you haven't already and completely disregard your feelings for the INFJ. Marriage is work and try to revive what made you fall in love with him in the first place. If not, you have some very serious thinking to do, and I would still recommend counselling. Discussion with your partner and telling him the truth (if you're certain of your feelings) is crucial. There's a lot at stake so seriously consider your feelings and contemplate the scenarios that could result. You can't help how you feel, but can you can help how you choose to respond to this situation.
    Good luck
    Windblownhair and Grac3 thanked this post.

  5. #5

    That makes sense. Like I implied in my second response, my question isn't really about divorce. But more so how I can go about dealing with this inexplicable love.

    I'm curious if it's reciprocal more for psychological understanding, self awareness, and/or if I'm letting my loyalty get in the way of a soulmate type love.

    Counseling is a great option that I should pursue regardless.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by IntrigueNt View Post
    That makes sense. Like I implied in my second response, my question isn't really about divorce. But more so how I can go about dealing with this inexplicable love.

    I'm curious if it's reciprocal more for psychological understanding, self awareness, and/or if I'm letting my loyalty get in the way of a soulmate type love.

    Counseling is a great option that I should pursue regardless.
    I would argue even if you're not considering divorce, then NOT finding out if he loves you back would be even more beneficial in dealing with any potential feelings. Cutting off ties would also help.

    By asking yourself if you're letting loyalty get in the way of a soulmate type love, you're already entertaining thoughts of another man. And by pursuing him to find out if he loves you like you love him, would be taking it a step further than just thoughts- there would be no way to innocently ask him that.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by IntrigueNt View Post
    I'm letting my loyalty get in the way of a soulmate type love.
    When I read this sentence I heard a slithering noise in my left ear and then an image of a hissing snake popped into my head.
    Last edited by Haba Aba Daba Aba; 03-03-2016 at 12:10 PM.
    Windblownhair thanked this post.

  8. #8
  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by IntrigueNt View Post
    So I'm an Entp female. I've been married with an Istp for 4 years. We've fought most of them.

    I learned about the MBTI, half way through my marriage.

    Two years into my marriage, I met an infj( instant attraction, before I had tested him, or even understood MBTI in depth) I've been pretty much in love with the infj since the day I met him.

    The thing is, I wonder if he loves me. He makes me feel at peace.

    I don't know what specific questions to ask, I guess if anyone here has questions for me to explain further, I will.

    But I need to know if he loves me to make a major decision in my life. I'm not a cheater, so I'd never leave my husband in a disrespectful way. I don't 'want' to love the infj I just do. Incredibly. He's in my dreams. I can't escape my love for him.
    Let go. I made this mistake too many times. I met someone I would have died for and stuck around with my wife and it degenerated and I became miserable for years until we divorced anyway. You'll get over it. Do what feels right to you, and not out of some sort of societal notion of loyalty or "what you should do." It might be a hard conversation to hear or have, but if you waffle around you'll only have done nothing but wait and nothing will have changed.

    Honestly it's the worst part of me that I have a hard time dealing with. I can be an incredibly devoted partner... but I stick around when it's not good for me. I admire my ESTP friend who basically summed it up like "Is it good more than 50% of the time? If so stick around, otherwise get out."


     

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