I have a morally loose pet cat that has probably slept with the whole neighborhood's alleycats. We think she's pregnant and we do not know who the father is--thus, we will have to resort to dying a red letter "A" on the fur on her chest for "Awesome" and sending her kittens to boarding school to spare them the shame. I'm having a bake sale this weekend to raise some money.
I also give terrible relationship advice.
...and although I don't murder for money, I would do it for lasagna. <Slips everyone a business card>