[INFJ] Help meeeee; I joined an infj fb page and it was one of my worst ideas ever - Page 9

Help meeeee; I joined an infj fb page and it was one of my worst ideas ever

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This is a discussion on Help meeeee; I joined an infj fb page and it was one of my worst ideas ever within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I'd say it can go either way between INFJ/INFP for you. I think your need for validation has a bit ...

  1. #81
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I'd say it can go either way between INFJ/INFP for you. I think your need for validation has a bit more to do with your enneagram 4 than MBTI though it's a bit tricky to tell MBTI because both types can be enneagram 4 fairly often. Whether INFJ or INFP, I think you have stronger Fi than the average INFJ though maybe you also have stronger Fe than most INFPs, which leads to quite the conundrum. I agree that after the first time I took the test, it was easy to catch onto patterns in what the questions were asking for, so I felt like any subsequent tests were biased almost by what I wanted to see myself as at the time. I have even manipulated the test once to intentionally try to score as a type I know that I am not just to see if I could (and I succeeded). I think the functional stack is a rough ranking of cognitive functions that actually varies more individually, too. Like, who's to say that an INFJ can't also have strong Ne and Fi? In the case of my INFJ friends, her Se seems like her weakest function rather than fourth place on her stack as MBTI would dictate because she has terrible spatial awareness. My worst function is probably Si because my terrible memory for details hence why history was always my most difficult subject in school, yet my INFJ friend actually enjoyed history partially because she likely has at least comparitively stronger Si than me.

    The other confounding factor is that MBTI type is just a starting type for personal growth. As you develop, you tend to become more rounded and develop some of your weaker functions. Of my lower functions, my tertiary Ti has probably improved the most over time to the point that tests sometimes place me as INTJ simply because I value objectivity and logic. I might be a little odd though because I am good with science/math, which they tend to attribute to INTJs stereotypically while many INFJ descriptions recommend INFJs become writers/counselors for the most part. The point is that people are complex and type descriptions are often limiting if you marry yourself to them. Those are my thoughts. Take from it what you will. :-)
    The Glitter Lord thanked this post.

  2. #82
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I'd also take your age into account to because I clung to my INFJ identity pretty hard when I initially found out because it seemed like something finally made sense in my journey to self-discovery. I was 17 at the time. Being a teenager is hard and so many of probably every type are looking for a sense of identity/validation.

  3. #83

    Let this be the last reply

    I'll be retiring my account now. But I always feel a need to explain myself and I don't want to leave without an explanation (and yes I do realize how silly/self important it must sound with the vastness of the PerCaf community)*so one of the admins opened the thread so I can post this. Then they'll close it once more.

    When I took my first personality test four years ago, I was finally at peace. It seemed all the things that perplexed me were all explained. For the past year, I thought myself introspective because of how comfortable and fluent I was in discussing my psychology especially compared to my peers.

    Now that I think about it, I've always had an unstable identity and had to take on new identities (altering my style or accent) or compare myself to others or cling to labels to try to stabilize it. It was only after taking the MBTI test that I was actually able to study and improve myself by noticing my habits (ie. irritability at changes in plan, tendency to be intense and drain quickly, changing my accent/tone depending on who I"m with, love for symbol and meaning) and forming an idea of who I was. Also, it gave me security because now I knew my mother was wrong; I was not a freak. There were others like me.*

    Still, my identity was unstable enough that I clung to the INFJ label in a paranoid, obsessive fashion and used it to define me, feeling that if I somehow found out I was not an INFJ, I wouldn't be me anymore. I'd have nothing left. I started retaking tests months after the first time and tried to get the answer i wanted but due to my lack of understanding of the functions and nervousness, didn't and got infp instead. I took them again later and got enfj, infj, and infp. I joined an infj fb page this year and that's when my paranoia intensified.*

    I still believe I'm an INFJ despite what many have said. They say children tend to lead with their dominant function and move onto their others as they grow older. In this case, I was definitely a (very emotionally volatile but often passive) Ni child. I was very observant, always asked 'why' and was not at all empathetic until I got much older. I had poor social skills and I spent my preschool recesses doing puzzles and sitting about observing others. *

    The INFP's I know have a gentle flexibility and humbleness that me and my INFJ friend don't have. The INFJ profile is the only one that really makes me go 'Yass that's me' and I attribute my tendency to display seemingly high levels of Fi to my isolation by my mother as a child. Spending your summers mostly sitting in your room alone with no one to talk to is bound to make you become more focused on your own feelings and life.*

    Also, it seems that (along with being a type 4w3) I'm very complicated and have capacity for a lot. No wonder why I fell for a man with bpd. I saw my complicated nature reflected in him. My scores for introverted and extroverted scores never varied that much with the exception of Ti being twice that of Te. I was never one of those people who got a 5% on se and a 95% on si. My scores are always all high (30+) and somewhat close to each other give or take 20. Perhaps my mind/ behavior will become more one sided as I grow older (I'm only 17) but I think right now, trying to find solid evidence for which type I am will be futile and lead to greater frenzy.*

    I have a tendency to obsess over problems til they can be solved and have been hysterical lately to the point where it'd haunt me every time I showed any symptom of being internally focused [fi] (thinking about my own problems instead of being social) or made any obscure connections [ne] (thinking one thing looked like an animal for instance) and I'd neglect my responsibilities and health.*

    For that reason I'll be taking a 20 year break or so from MBTI. I might still tell people my type to help them get to know me but no more investigations.*

    No more turning to strangers so they make miracles and give me something I must give myself. No more waiting for them to validate me or invalidate me so that I may debate them.*

    No more worrying over something that currently can't really be proven at the moment.

    But before I go, I'd like to thank anyone who went out of their way to give me any of their time. I might not have agreed with you but I know you put effort into doing what you can and that it wasn't super easy as I'm not a particularly simple person to deal with.*

    If anyone has a bizarre impulse to contact me of some sort, my kik username is friedchickenwing1

    So thank you.
    Y'all are great.*
    I hope your lives are wonderful and that you pet many cats and discover lots of things that you love.*
    Farewell and Merry Christmas/ Have a nice day!
    Shea, wums and Shodan thanked this post.

  4. #84

    Quote Originally Posted by The Glitter Lord View Post
    Quick question: Do you care a lot about being understood?

    So I'm new here. Heck, this sounds petty. I'm not sure this post will even be seen and I certainly hope joining this page will not be as bad of an idea as joining that group. I guess I need someone to rant to, someone who can conversate eye to eye with me without trying to put themselves above me. I joined the fb page a month ago, looking for a community of people I could relate to. It was fun at times and there were a lot of cool relatable people and interesting threads. But then, it started (as someone else said) feeling more like reality than an escape from it. There were so many people just going out of their way to knock each other down (misgendering/invalidating their type b/c they didn't like something they said/ attacking/ and insulting people's appearances because they took part in a selfie trend, being deliberately vicious and hostile to each other, asserting that most of the people were fake infj's and that they were one of the few 'real' ones).

    But what's really been bothering me is this: the first time I took a personality test, I got infj and it was the most spot on thing ever. I was 14 then (almost 18 now, ignore the age on my profile) and wasn't very introspective back then, couldn't fit into most places, and didn't really have a strong sense of identity. Getting my result gave me an identity (kinda like how insecure teens define themselves as a jock, a member of their family, a member of their ethnic group etc) and a way to know I was not alone and helped me learn a LOT about myself. After that, I've gotten infp, enfj, and esfj. I've now stopped trusting personality tests because I believe their questions are worded vaguely and they are incapable of taking context into account and merely overgeneralize. I often score as having high fi because I'm very unconventional but then, as someone who has failed to fit in, struggled to please everyone before I realized how many people took advantage of that and didn't deserve it, grew up on stories of eccentric protagonists, and observed the often tragic effects of conformity and not challenging the norm (bullying, prejudice, dictatorships), why wouldn't I be? I'd argue a large part of my unconventionality comes FROM my desire to preserve external harmony and not due to indifference to it. And perhaps someone with strong fi got a higher fe score because they said they respected societal norms but it's merely because their parents taught them it's important to always say please and thank you and not swear or else they're a bad person or whatever.

    I believe that P. tests are a good starting point for exploration but the only way to actually confirm what you are is by doing research yourself and after taking the test once, your result won't be accurate due to preestablished bias from previous results.

    But anyways, I got infp more than twice and that scared me. I felt misunderstood by the test but also scared for the blanket of comfort I had clung to for so long so I consulted the fb group. There was this one lady who was saying like 'lol if you care so much about being an infj you're definitely an infp because authenticity and fi'. And she also insisted that my desire to be understood was un-infj because infj's don't need to be understood, they just want to be accepted (well who doesn't tbh? And additionally, can you really accept/ connect with somebody without understanding them at all? Also, I'm sure if you went up to a young jock/ black person and said "You're not a real jock. You're not really black", they'd be hurt too! Doesn't mean a thing about fi). From reading other threads, I found out she seemed to think that herself being an infj meant she was right most of the time and that most of the people on the page weren't real infj's (Except for her of course). Luckily, some people came up to defend me from her self-based overgeneralizations and "well intentioned" lol's on this topic that so clearly meant so much to me.

    I'm of the firm belief nobody knows you better than yourself. Ni's a definite for me and I really don't think I'm Fi dom at all now that I've done more research about it. I rant like a megaphone, as a child couldn't say no to anybody, I am constantly feeling that everyone around me is extremely inconsiderate by comparison (not saying they are), I watch closely to find out what people's needs might be, I love to help, I'm a decisive organizing freak, I change my voice dramatically depending on who I'm with (although social anxiety sometimes affects this), when I hurt somebody whether or not I'm a bad person is the least of my concerns, and I am freakishly expressive when I'm not lethargic, often waving my arms about wildly.
    However, I can't help but wonder-

    just what if?????(????)

    what if the blanket of comfort I've clung to was but an allusion? What if I only thought I was on a path to myself only to be told I'm going the wrong direction and the right direction is somewhere I don't want to go (infp's can be lovely but I truly can't identify with them. My infj friend however, is like my twin)?

    And then I (am a really obsessive, melancholy, bitter person) go ballistic in my head throughout the day and I feel so much intense, murderous anger towards these people in this group who are so eager to invalidate and so self assured in their perceptions of internet strangers as well as those who just go there to inflict hurt.

    I don't even know what I want. Someone to consult on my obsessive bitter nature and my terror perhaps? Or just someone to listen so that I may feel some relief or clarity?
    I can relate to this a LOT! When I took socionics test I scored INFp but when I take the mayers briggs I ALLSO score INFP. I am much like you but erm, I'm not exacly known to be a natural organizing freak to put it that way, very much a persiever here.
    Go figure! *scratches head* Hang out here instead. Those people seems to have issues them selfes. It sounds like a cold, dark place! But...you are welcome here! What ever the tests claim you are

  5. #85

    Quote Originally Posted by Electra2 View Post
    Go figure! *scratches head* Hang out here instead. Those people seems to have issues them selfes. It sounds like a cold, dark place! But...you are welcome here! What ever the tests claim you are
    Nah. I shan't be staying here any longer. I'm waiting for my account to be retired so that I don't have to think about this anymore but thank you for your warm welcome.
    Electra thanked this post.

  6. #86

    Quote Originally Posted by The Glitter Lord View Post
    Nah. I shan't be staying here any longer. I'm waiting for my account to be retired so that I don't have to think about this anymore but thank you for your warm welcome.
    What ever you decide to do I*wish you the best of luck and please don't have time to remember those horrible things at the infj place because it just ruins you inside. Please never settle in the cold but hurry to find a warm nurturing place where ever it is. <3

  7. #87

    Quote Originally Posted by The Glitter Lord View Post
    Nah. I shan't be staying here any longer. I'm waiting for my account to be retired so that I don't have to think about this anymore but thank you for your warm welcome.
    What ever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck and please don't have time to remember those horrible things at the infj (?) place to much because it just ruins you inside. Maybe they were mostly people in need of feeling Special (read: extra good) and infj are considered both Special and unike so I guess it is a place where such people would run to to feel extra good about them self (in a narcissistic way) without caring about the reality. I kind of feel sorry for them in a way, having so little warmth in their hearts and that. Please never settle in the cold but hurry to find a warm nurturing place where ever it is. <3
    Last edited by Electra; 12-25-2016 at 07:20 PM.


     
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