INFP The best way to lose friends of the opposite sex......

INFP The best way to lose friends of the opposite sex......

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This is a discussion on INFP The best way to lose friends of the opposite sex...... within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; is to get into a messy relationship with them........ I've always wonder why I don't have any close male friends, ...

  1. #1

    INFP The best way to lose friends of the opposite sex......

    is to get into a messy relationship with them........

    I've always wonder why I don't have any close male friends, though recently I've found out the answer.
    It's because they always end up falling for me....

    I am not bragging plus I DO NOT look pretty at all and NEVER flirt... but whenever I become close friends with guys (all I wanted was friendship in the first place..), they always end up asking me out... This bothers me a lot as I can never see them more than friends, and since I am sooo bad at rejecting people (either suddenly disappear or say hurtful things coz they just won't leave me alone....) they would end up hating me or in most cases not close friends anymore...........

    I guess this is something to do with infps prefering to form strong bonds with people and so others just misunderstood me.........All of my female friends have close guy friends, and I behave the same way as those girls, BUT without the flirtings..........
    So all of the guy friends I have are either rejects, or the ones I keep such a distance which we can barely called friends....

    Has anyone else got this kind of experience?? Any advices???????
    thehigher, manar, shygirl and 8 others thanked this post.

  2. #2
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I understand what you're saying. The same exact thing happens to me. (I'm actually E/INFP, right smack dab in the middle.)

    I like to be friends with men. They're much more interesting and often intelligent, than women can be. ("Do you want to go get your nails done?" will never come from a man, unless he's gay, of course.)

    I don't flirt either... at least I don't think I'm flirting. I never know, because I like to encourage people and be kind to them. Rarely, I do flirt because I like the man.... and then of course, nothing happens.

    I don't know why this seems to be, but however it works out, the men I just want to be friends with want to be more, and the men I like just want to be friends.

    I haven't yet found out why.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Sorry, all the capital I's look so annoying.

  4. #4

    cbelle, the 'I's are ok. :') (I notice it when I do it too!) Please don't worry.

    I have to disagree with your comment about women generally being less intelligent. Women are practically raised not to trust other women and to devalue each other as flighty. I have been fortunate to have very deep friendships with women and I like to promote that.

    But about losing male friends: Yes, very often, they wish to progress to something more, and this can complicate things. Being married, I have had to end contact many times. The thing is, I adore my male friends. It hurts that we can't adore eachother and not be sexually involved, as far as they see it.
    susurration and Blackbird thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality

    I really like hanging out with guys. I would have more guy friends if I didn't have troubles in this area too. If the guy hasn't known me for long, he may think the way I act is a form of coming onto him. I tend to think platonic love is possible and desiable, but not every person does, and I know I need to be more strict with my boundaries. I want deep relationships with people... but I do understand how my actions may be interpreted.

    I tend to be affectionate and touchy feely and I know it's my fault for apparantly leading friends on, but I'm like that with most people I'm friends with. My girl friends and I are always touching and holding hands blah blah. Even with the ones who are gay. I definately hold back big time, when I know the guy friend has a girlfriend.

    I guess making off hand comments about how you look at all relationships helps. And also easing into the relationship. I know I sometimes come off too strongly.

    At the same time, when I like someone a lot, it's hard to distinguish whether I am actually initiating something. I send mixed signals a lot.
    Last edited by susurration; 01-01-2010 at 02:51 PM.
    Blackbird, Memphisto and saynomore thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    I personally have trouble being friends with women without them thinking that I want something else. It's like they are searching for a sign that I will suddenly ask them out or want to advance... and it's awkward. Cause then I start realizing they are doing this and THEN they think I actually am.

    I realize women are approached by inauthentic men all the time. But it doesn't make it easier to get past the awkwardness.
    Chilln, saynomore and retypepassword thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    I don't know why but I have a lot of girl and guy friends, but no close friends that are girls. I also have problems getting close to women without wanting something more or coming across like I want something more. There are definitely more guys that I'm close to than girls. I think it has something to do with me being reserved and somewhat shy.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
    is to get into a messy relationship with them........

    I've always wonder why I don't have any close male friends, though recently I've found out the answer.
    It's because they always end up falling for me.... INFPs have that quality. Thats why if I'm not posting on the ENFP forums I'm here, snooping around this forum.

    It's the only other one worth visiting. It's filled with wonderful, INFPs waiting to share their souls with those they care about. Waiting to create a strong bond that will last a lifetime...So HOT just take me now INFPs!!!!
    PeacePassion, neptunesky, murderegina and 2 others thanked this post.

  9. #9

    OK. I'm in a situation now, a pefect example of what we're talking about here... I think my friend is lonely and maybe that's why he's crossing a line, but playfullness that involves too much touch is completely innapropriate. I know I won't be talking to him alone again.

    And now I have to say, I do have a couple male friends I can hug for a minute or two and take a deep breath and it feels great. We have phenomonal chemistry and I love to hug them. But it's mutual and it should be my choice who I'm affectionate with.
    Last edited by Lilsnowy; 01-02-2010 at 10:29 AM. Reason: I had to take out details because a family member is interested in getting on percafe; I needed privacy
    Myshe thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Lilsnowy View Post
    I won't be talking to him alone again.
    And for people like that, that is the only thing you can do when they refuse to honor your personal boundaries - you have to put up walls. My take on that kind of behavior is that because we often times don't want to hurt feelings, others (pushy ones...) decide to take that to mean we really do want them. Why on earth would I want someone that violates my boundaries and doesn't listen to my requests??? And like that would get better with time??? Sigh...that kind of behavior makes me mad, sorry you had to deal with that.
    EvilByte thanked this post.

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