[INFP] Do you ever feel like you can't relate to anyone, even other INFPs? - Page 5

Do you ever feel like you can't relate to anyone, even other INFPs?

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This is a discussion on Do you ever feel like you can't relate to anyone, even other INFPs? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I try to understand others completely. Especially those who feel isolated and disconnected from others. People are fascinating and beautiful ...

  1. #41
    INFP - The Idealists

    I try to understand others completely. Especially those who feel isolated and disconnected from others. People are fascinating and beautiful and wonderful. If I can understand them, maybe it is possible for me to be understood too.
    I do not want anyone to feel as alone as I feel.

  2. #42
    INFP - The Idealists

    I've been through the exact same feelings... and still go through them from time to time. I often feel guilty because I have these moments where I feel like even my closest friends aren't fully on the same page as me and it gets me down.

    I have difficulty relating to anyone who doesn't introspect. People whom I can't have long, private conversations with, discussing our perspectives and thoughts; I can never get close to them, I feel. I need to have at least one solid, meaningful conversation to feel like we're connecting. I also need flexibility in people. If they have very dogmatic, judgemental views then we're always gonna have trouble getting along. I'm also put off when I find others aren't as invested in friendship as I am. As a result I tend to come off as quite distant myself, both through fearing that no one else will ever have the same desire for friendship I do, and through believing that I have to "tone down" myself in relation to friendships, thus deliberately not calling or hanging out with people when I want to because they may see me as "clingy" otherwise. Ironically I've been told that makes me seem aloof.

    As for other INFPs, I find that the one's who aren't at least a bit angsty or a bit emo in some way, I can't really relate to them. To me the Fi is a naturally turbulent, over-thinking, over-feeling, somewhat neurotic maelstrom, and when you throw in an abstract, multi-perspective Ne Auxiliary function, it just heightens that "agonise over every little thing/thought/idea/perspective" side of things. I'm not saying this makes an unhealthy INFP, or that I only relate to said unhealthy INFPs. But if an INFP doesn't get this variant of the INFP persona, if they don't know what it's like or do it at least some of the time, I'll find them pretty unrelatable. Kind of the inversion of what @Sily said. Ironically I think Sily and I are more or less the same age - I guess for some of us are perennial "angsty teens", even when we've grown up. (I actually kinda figured that was common for many INFPs).

    For a long time I had trouble relating because I couldn't relate to myself. I didn't really know myself and everything I did felt like a fake persona. I'd try to behave as was expected of me by others, as I needed to to defend myself, then later as how I wanted to be perceived. None of them were ever really true, it was kinda an existential issue for me that I didn't really resolve till I was well out of my teens. I wanted to know who I was, but was also afraid of self-expression because I thought I'd be seen as just another kid trying to be "individual", and/or mocked because I was an unpopular freak who couldn't be cool if he tried (and any sense of self-expression would be seen as an attempt to be cool.) So I crafted this uber-defensive but inherently repressive identity of Apathist/Counter-counter Culturalist: a teenager who rejected everything other teens did, including the teens who were "rebelling".

    As far as I was concerned, I was just myself. But "myself" was utterly undefined and undeveloped because I had hidden behind this counter-counter culture shield for so long. Eventually I realised that I wasn't being myself at all because I was repressing any part of me that might make me vulnerable (like the desire to wear certain clothes, to listen to certain music, to wear my hair a certain way, etc.) It was a long, hard process getting over my insecurities and just letting myself find myself, but now I'm almost inseparable from my identity. Which is an odd thing to say.

    I still reflect on myself and my drives, though. I still try to figure things out, wonder who I am and where I'm going. But letting yourself express yourself and find yourself is definitely better than sitting in limbo feeling like a none-entity. I still wonder about friends and relationship, though. It's hard to really feel a string connection with another, especially when you're done with university and out in the working world. So little time and the freedoms of college-life and the limitless future ahead of you are now shrinking. Like I said, I sometimes feel guilty when I realise there's some "different page" stuff with a close friend and feel like we're not as close friends as I believed. Maybe it's an unrealistic desire on my part. Maybe it's just that no one can connect with another person in every single area and you just have to remember that diversity is good, and that the connections you do have are special. Or maybe some of us are just always gonna be a man apart...
    Last edited by Moss Icon; 05-10-2013 at 11:03 PM.

  3. #43

    I think I am INFP but I have INTP tendencies, being 'logical' 'rational' particularly at work when I am taking a natural leadership role, pushing myself to be scheduled, but still very person-centered and need meaningful work for this role to come out.

  4. #44
  5. #45

    Several times in my life I've felt that I can relate to someone... only to realize that that person doesn't feel the same and was just being nice or mirroring my statements/behavior... So maybe I'll never be able to relate to anyone, ever. Losing hope of it happening in this life.

  6. #46

    Yes. For me, I get bored with people easily. If someone isnt extremely weird or interesting I can't keep focus on them. Its hard for me to find a deep connection with people. I like being alone but sometimes I get lonely. To the internet!
    Adonnus thanked this post.

  7. #47

    Yes, a lot of the time.

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