[INFP] Do you ever feel like you can't relate to anyone, even other INFPs?

Do you ever feel like you can't relate to anyone, even other INFPs?

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This is a discussion on Do you ever feel like you can't relate to anyone, even other INFPs? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I just can't seem to "click" with anyone I meet. When I talk to my friends it doesn't seem sincere, ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Do you ever feel like you can't relate to anyone, even other INFPs?

    I just can't seem to "click" with anyone I meet. When I talk to my friends it doesn't seem sincere, and I feel like a phony, like the real me isn't talking to my friends, just some random personality I made up. It's like I have this chest of masks inside of my mind, and for each different person I talk too I put on a different one. I think I've forgotten who the real me is I guess. Have any of you had this problem before? this song is helping me feel better. (warning: Black Metal ahead)
    RedForest, daywithoutrain, refugee and 7 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    Definitely had this issue(s). Everyone has their own solution to not being able to relate to people.

    What helped me was to really enjoy being alone. That involved being okay with not having a romantic relationship or any friends. Can do completely fine on my own if I was. I don't have any expectations from the few friends I do have and enjoy instead what they offer. With a relationship though that's something else on a higher level but I think I've made my point.

    It's fine if you're on your own as long as you can be happy with yourself.

  3. #3

    Yup. Trust me you're not alone. I just focus on my breathing, and try to be honest and accepting of myself about my thoughts/fears/feelings and authentic with whoever I'm around. Being real is scary though, and you have to love yourself.

    I love this video, it talks about the importance of being vulnerable, and how shame can prevent us from creating meaningful connections. You probably use those masks as a way to prevent yourself from being vulnerable, because you're ashamed of parts of yourself and/or you're afraid that other people wouldn't/couldn't accept you the way you are.



    *virtual hug*
    daywithoutrain, refugee, IcarusDreams and 3 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I could try that, but I'd have to be completely cut off from anything social, even this forum, cause when I talk to people in real life and even online, I get this weird sense of rejection if the chat doesn't go how I thought.
    RedForest, bradleysabre22 and sisnerozt thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ethereal View Post
    I could try that, but I'd have to be completely cut off from anything social, even this forum, cause when I talk to people in real life and even online, I get this weird sense of rejection if the chat doesn't go how I thought.
    This honestly sounds more like a self-esteem issue rather than not just getting along with people. How much can you say that you like yourself? If you've lost sight of yourself then of course this would be a problem.
    Ista, Ista, Ista and 12 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ethereal View Post
    I just can't seem to "click" with anyone I meet. When I talk to my friends it doesn't seem sincere, and I feel like a phony, like the real me isn't talking to my friends, just some random personality I made up. It's like I have this chest of masks inside of my mind, and for each different person I talk too I put on a different one. I think I've forgotten who the real me is I guess. Have any of you had this problem before? this song is helping me feel better. (warning: Black Metal ahead)
    That's exactly how I feel. I feel like I've been living a lie the whole of my life because nobody seems to accept the real me. I need to act in order to achive anything I want to, and it's deeply depressing. There are times I don't know who I am, too - it's depressing because it almost feels like something has died inside.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by kyliecarefree View Post
    Yup. Trust me you're not alone. I just focus on my breathing, and try to be honest and accepting of myself about my thoughts/fears/feelings and authentic with whoever I'm around. Being real is scary though, and you have to love yourself.

    I love this video, it talks about the importance of being vulnerable, and how shame can prevent us from creating meaningful connections. You probably use those masks as a way to prevent yourself from being vulnerable, because you're ashamed of parts of yourself and/or you're afraid that other people wouldn't/couldn't accept you the way you are.



    *virtual hug*
    This was awesome; thank you so much for posting it. her message resonated with me so well and even made me tear up a bit (a rarity).
    IcarusDreams and kyliecarefree thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ENTP

    I feel like I can't relate to anyone either, and yes, that includes INFPs. Even on here, I feel misunderstood or rejected half the time. I'm just not good at expressing myself, I guess.

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Only when I'm very very stressed out and feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and therefore communicating wrong. When I'm in a good place, I feel harmony with others...
    Ethereal thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ethereal View Post
    I could try that, but I'd have to be completely cut off from anything social, even this forum, cause when I talk to people in real life and even online, I get this weird sense of rejection if the chat doesn't go how I thought.
    I understand- it's in your mind, though, and it's not real. We are not rejecting you, and if we did because we thought differently, we would be wrong, no matter how "right" we think we are in rejecting your views. And it's ok to be "disliked", especially if it's not your fault, and you are just being honest with yourself and who you are. The important thing is not "how the chat goes", but that you were true to yourself, while respecting their right to be true to themselves as well-if somebody gets offended because you were being honest, even though you were nice and respectful in expressing your views, how could you blame yourself?

    I understand these feelings, as it's something many of us have dealt with before. I do think that you do not need to cut ties with people as a defense mechanism. Fleeing from war won't make the battle go away. Develop a sense of unshakable identity (not talking about "INFP identity" but self-identity), and be happy about it. There's nothing to fear by being yourself, and if people judge you harshly because of this, understand that it's ok, and you won't die due to it. A simple fact of life is that no matter how we try, there's somebody out there who won't like us just for being ourselves. They'll miss out on getting to really know you better, but it's their choice, and you gotta accept it. It doesn't mean that you must be flawed, and that's why they don't like you, but that they simply don't relate to you. That's ok. Let them be free to not relate. If we would pretend to please everybody out there, and try to change/accomodate who we are to every standard out there, how could we live as ourselves? Once I understood it's ok to be disliked for being myself, and that there's nothing wrong with that, my life became much easier and happier-I found peace with myself, and in consequence, with every other human being, ironically enough.

    Addendum: It is also ironic that feeling less and less restricted to be yourself will make many people appreciate the fact that you are an individual, and not a clone-there are many out there would who rather get to know the real you, rather than any people-pleasing image you may come up with. AND being ourselves must not mean that we must be disagreeable-perhaps that's what you fear, but in reality, it may be far from the truth. Feel free to live (and share things) happily as yourself!
    Danaan, Ethereal and StellarTwirl thanked this post.


     
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