I have been together with a wonderful INTP for almost 8 years. But a few months ago, le wild crush of all crushes (INFJ) appeared.
We started out online, being playbuddies. We evolved quickly into friends, by connecting unearthly well. When I wasn't online/was at work or visited my relatives etc, I missed him so bad. His warmth, presence. His awesome dadjokes, his everything. I didn't know what the word "soulmate" means before I met him. We say the same things at the same time, we think the same things. We are in sync. We sense each others' happiness, and encourage and puke rainbows at each other during our happymoments.
It's also intimidating cause we sense each others' emotions too well. When I'm down, he is down, and vice versa. It can sometimes form into a loop of accusations, while all we need is time out from each other. But we hate to leave problems unsolved for the sake of peace, and then we clash and mend things immediately.
We are in love with each other, and we both know our feelings towards each other. Please don't kill me, I am well aware that I'm cheating my boyfriend emotionally. Anyways.
My INTP had somehow tamed me, without me realizing it. I locked my emotions inside (so i wouldn't clash with his rational Ti). I think I tried to use my not-too-strong Te, and i was so judgemental towards other people, their actions. I was cynical, and I couldn't make friends, or keep them. This all went on until I met the INFJ. I'm emotional again, and I'm not afraid of showing them. We are both HSP too. He cracked my shell, and understands me like nobody else does. He feels the same - as if he finally had found someone who understands him for who he is, and loves him no matter what.
Don't get me wrong - I love my INTP to the moon and back, but we just don't connect. Our interests are different. He likes going outdoors, and I rarely do it. I need a reason/goal to go out. I can't just walk in the bog. And he can't stand the idea of going to metal concerts with me, and it's all normal.
The things that connect us in some way are home, our pets and our mutual games we play/movies we watch. Ok, travelling also, but we don't do it often, since it's expensive. Plus we aren't on nomad mode.
He is not into humanitarian subjects, while I'm dying to talk about people and psychology, music, artsy things. But what draws me to him is his calmness and having his shit together, no matter what. He can be a rock when I get emotional. He doesn't offer emotional support, sadly, but he can rationalize my irrational thoughts, and within a few minutes I see that it's not that big of a deal, or it's out of my reach etc. Sometimes, though, I wish he didn't offer rational solutions to my irrational thoughts. I just need to vent and 100 hugs and kisses and words like: "It's gonna be alright" which I don't get from him.
We also had some problems with the INTP, but I confronted him a few months ago, and he has been trying really hard to fix these. We have bought like 4-5 concert tickets for summer, we have gone out to play boardgames, we have been to movies, theatre. We do things. He has finally started showing affection after almost 8 years of being together (random kisses, hugs, "iloveyous" (HE HAD NEVER SAID IT FIRST BEFORE!)).
I see his efforts, and it hurts me so bad that we actually could make it work. But the question is - will my infpish neediness of emotional support, compliments etc be satisfied with him in the long run? Am I still with him because I'm in my comfort zone, and possessive of him? What if I chose to stay and fix things, and find myself in the same sad situation after 2 years, while maybe being married to him, and having kids with him?
At first I was fixating on the first couple of beautiful years with him, but now I'm Ne'ing possibly beautiful future with him. I'm also Ne'ing possible (even more beautiful and understanding) future with INFJ. The time has come so far that I need to make a decision, for all of us, to move on with our lives, and I can't seem to let either of them go. How do you handle such dilemmas? How does it look to an outsider? I can't seem to ask myself the right questions to make the leap...