So, school is starting soon (Tomorrow actually, depending on how the hurricane goes. They still haven't canceled, I doubt they will.) But, anyway. I am absolutley dreading it. I can't help but feel its a smack in the face. I feel better when I'm talking to a friend, I feel much less vulnurable. I feel incredibly insecure, because nearly everyone at my school is snobby and rich, and attractive. I am none of those things, I don't consider myself attractive. I feel as if I'm alwasy being looked at and judged. I dislike too many people at my school.
I have never told anyone that, especially my closest friends. I feel like I'm complaining about nothing, which is why I hate venting.
Anyway, when I'm at school, it feels as if my whole life revolves around it. The walls feel constricting. I feel so free once I'm outside. I often forget I have a home. I forget that I have somewhere to return to. I sure hope all of this makes sense. I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I am dreading waking up in the morning every. single. day. And doing the exact same thing. It's exhausting, it makes me feel so lonely. As soon as I get home I'm alone until my dad comes home from work, which is about 3 hours later. It's even more lonely because it's just my dad and I. I don't get to see my sister everyday anymore..
I try to distract myself by reading and watching tv, drawing, writing, etc. Literally anything.
Does anyone have any suggestions or tips? I have been downloading and searching for happy music that I can listen to as soon as I get a chance. I am extremely sensitive to music, if it even sounds remotley sad it, it will put me in this depressed-like trance. I try to listen to nothing but happy music.
Any suggestions are welcome, I am up for anything. Sorry for the long paragraph, and thank you in advance to anyone who takes time to read it and respond.
I promise I'm not always like this, I never even like talking about my problems because I feel self-centered. I just feel like a mess.