A non-clingy INFP?

**dulcinea** · 09-26-2017 11:35 AM

Type 5? Yeah that's about right. 5's tend to be a bit more detached than other ennis.

**neutralchaotic** · 09-26-2017 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by Tridentus

She KNOWS!!!

Honestly, it's a good thing. INFPs are safe with us usually, and I feel warm and cuddled around INFPs also, which is why I bother to initate so often with them in the first place (do you think we just do that for anyone? there's a reason our more superficial friends are extroverts, because it's easier. we put our effort into the introverts we connect with).

I have seen this in action, she has a very extroverted friend (off the charts outgoing, really puts herself out there), but when I see them together it's more of them going out and partying together. When with me, the ENFP tells me about what she's going through, we have many bonding moments over the troubles we face, and we connect deeper just sitting around in conversation.

**neutralchaotic** · 09-26-2017 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by dulcinea

Type 5? Yeah that's about right. 5's tend to be a bit more detached than other ennis.

Why is that? I don't know much about enneagram types admittedly, just a vague idea of what it even means to be a 5.

As of late I have been struggling with feeling detached, which is funny that you bring it up. I'm drawing back from a lot of things so I can re-focus on myself, which is leading to my friends "missing" me and general calls to "bring me back out". But I don't want to go back...which is the conflict.

**tryingtodobetter** · 09-26-2017 11:46 AM

@neutralchaotic I am similar. I don't really care to hangout with people I don't care to form a bond with. The more you hangout with people the more familiarity and quiet frankly i like being an enigma. The relationships that I have cultivated understand that I need my alone time and that I go ghost. When I have a person of interest or someone I am continuously in contact with it feels unauthentic because im ok with being by myself. I don't like to have people over frequently and Ill be damned if my spot ever becomes the "hangout" spot. Its always been this way even in my youth. Slumber parties with two people was enough for me. The thought of people is always better than the reality.

**dulcinea** · 09-26-2017 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by neutralchaotic

Why is that? I don't know much about enneagram types admittedly, just a vague idea of what it even means to be a 5.

As of late I have been struggling with feeling detached, which is funny that you bring it up. I'm drawing back from a lot of things so I can re-focus on myself, which is leading to my friends "missing" me and general calls to "bring me back out". But I don't want to go back...which is the conflict.

5's are prone more to intellectualisation; fearing a lack of sufficient knowledge of a situation, and seeking knowledge and understanding. It's a type that's known as intensely cerebral, but being cerebral and prone to intellectualisation, can lead to personal detachment, at times.

**OrangeAppled** · 09-26-2017 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by twirlingresa

I recently started to try to keep in contact with those I love. But, I do agree, I don't need people all of the time to function. It's good to know that you have stable enough friends who are similar to you. You can go for weeks and months without talking to them and still pick it up from where you left off. I used to be stressed out when the other person contacted me all of the time. Mostly because I am not a person to talk about what I ate for lunch for the 56th time. This was a huge factor in breakups and end of past friendships. I was too private and 'secretive.'

Yep.

Im getting better at reaching out more often because I realized it’s not good for me emotionally to be so isolated. I might be clingy in the sense that I could be happy just hanging out with the same few people I like and not being eager to make new friends. I prefer intimacy and the security of knowing you have that connection no matter if weeks or months go by. But I know now that more regular, steady contact is healthy for me even if I don’t feel a conscious need for it very often.

It’s hard to not feel drained by interaction when it’s mostly small talk, especially discussing people. I don’t need deep conversation all the time but I just don’t care about daily happenings. So many interactions are draining and not stimulating to me that I associate interaction with something emotionally unpleasant, and so I fall into a habit of avoiding it. Some people don’t drain me much and I can handle extended interaction with them better.

**neutralchaotic** · 09-26-2017 11:50 AM

@dulcinea - Thank you! That actually does to apply to my life as of late...brings a lot of clarity too.

**neutralchaotic** · 09-26-2017 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by tryingtodobetter

@neutralchaotic I am similar. The thought of people is always better than the reality.

Right on the money. In a perfect world my only interactions are fruitful and stimulating for both parties. More times than not, we never reach past the surface stuff, so I push off those interactions until I have enough energy to not be drained to 0 once within them.

**Tridentus** · 09-26-2017 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by neutralchaotic

I have seen this in action, she has a very extroverted friend (off the charts outgoing, really puts herself out there), but when I see them together it's more of them going out and partying together. When with me, the ENFP tells me about what she's going through, we have many bonding moments over the troubles we face, and we connect deeper just sitting around in conversation.

I 99% guarantee your ENFP values you far more..

I always find it disheartening when introverts talking about our type, because they talk about how we behave all extroverted and therefore we're never going to have the time for an introverted personality- NO YOU FOOLSS!! I've been on this forum 8+ years, trust me, it's not just me, as a type in general we PREFER introverts when chosing our closest. It's just that, we need some variety, and an extrovert-extrovert interaction is just always going to be louder and more obvious than an extrovert-introvert interaction.. Does that mean the E-E is better? FUCK NO, it just creates more noise so it's more noticeable- we don't judge interactions by how loud and open they are, we judge by how deep, intuitive, and connective they are.

That thing that introverts do where they think because ENFPs are loud with other extroverts that they must be all about the outgoing clique- we fucking hate that. Trust me, 95% of us, go ahead and ask- we HATE that perception from introverts.

**tryingtodobetter** · 09-26-2017 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by neutralchaotic

Right on the money. In a perfect world my only interactions are fruitful and stimulating for both parties. More times than not, we never reach past the surface stuff, so I push off those interactions until I have enough energy to not be drained to 0 once within them.

I agree. Most of the time with superficial interactions I only have one intent which is to stay on the surface and make jokes to distract from my seriousness.