i'm just going to dive in and dive out because i don't think an intj is a very good person for advising infps on how to get away from te. but i wanted to say, op: a lot of what you described sounds like the aftermath of healthy person still recovering from an abusive relationship. so i had some general points that were about that rather than being about mbti functions in any way.
- it's difficult to let go of the hypervigilance and the strategizing that abusers force you into using while you're under their power, just to survive.
- abuse often causes you to stockpile emotions, because you're not free to feel or express them - or process them, or act on them - while you're still in. so after you do get away there's a lot of stockpiled stuff that falls out of that closet onto your head.
- at the same time it causes you to repress them, and your ability to feel and process takes a while to come back. like sitting on a limb that goes numb.
- when i first heard the idea of having to grieve over a relationship i couldn't wait to get out of, i thought the speaker was nuts. but it's still true, because what i got (and eventually left) was NOT what i thought i was going to get when i got into it.
- same person told me i needed to forgive myself, and i thought she was even nuts-er, for that. but she was right. somewhere underneath all the logic i was angry with myself for getting myself into it. really, i was just angry. it shouldn't have happened.
- abusive people plant tapes in your head, especially if they like the emotional path. you're stupid, you're worthless, that's useless, you can't yada blah blah. those reflexes take time to go away too, because one of the things you do to survive is start anticipating them so you won't have to hear them from the bad guy. instead of beating yourself up for being te on yourself, you could try recognizing that critical voice as not even yours. and then remind it that it's not the boss of you anymore and tell it to shut up.
also \o/ \o/ you for getting away \o/ \o/. i love it when that happens and the good guys win out.