[INFP] Fellow INFPS, how do I get out of this dreaded TE grip? - Page 3

Fellow INFPS, how do I get out of this dreaded TE grip?

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This is a discussion on Fellow INFPS, how do I get out of this dreaded TE grip? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by RubberNipples Hi, fellow INFPers. I've been miserable lately, and I've found that it may be correlated to ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by RubberNipples View Post
    Hi, fellow INFPers.

    I've been miserable lately, and I've found that it may be correlated to this dreaded preference I have towards TE, ahead of my other Functions.

    FI-NE-SI-TE

    If we were to relate this to a metaphor of some sort, I'd like to say this grip was brought on by a chain-reaction of sorts: I've had a very stressful year, studying my masters and keeping up with deadlines. I nearly failed this year, due to a very abusive relationship taking hold of a lot of aspects of my life, in the month I had left I had to organize my time to the point of it nearly driving me mad. Breaking up with this individual, and his constant stalking also didn't help. To play catch up, I'd be sitting for up to 12 hours a day drawing, for the entire month, no joke... it made me incredibly miserable. I think personally, this resulted in my using TE a lot more. Now that it's the break, this preferential behavior has stuck around and I still feel extremely miserable.

    I've been reading up on the subject online, and found that:
    "Being Responsible, pious, and or/organized (TE) will bring me wholeness." For the INFP stuck in this grip, and that fits me to a T.

    What I'd like to ask is, how do I snap out of it? How do I utilize the proper use of FI-NE? I read that doing art, or something creative is ideal, but whenever I do art, I always feel TE creeping in. Judging it, and criticizing it unrealistically. Thinking to myself "This piece of art has no logical application to the real world, you idiot. People will see what an idiot you are. What of piece of crap this is, it isn't even symmetrical." I think that utilizing TE, by arranging and micromanaging my life will bring happiness to myself, and I have this desire to do tasks but I procrastinate to avoid the feeling of self-criticism. This sadly leads to even more criticism of myself, for having procrastinated in the first place. Hahaha, I know... that's the dumbest logic out there.

    I feel lately, I am also very judgmental and critical of others whom don't fit up to my standards of structure. This... it just isn't me. It honestly isn't, and I don't like it. I just can't seem to snap myself out of it. After being through that difficult time, I don't feel like I'm the same person I was. I feel a lot of cynicism, and I feel jaded towards the world. I had these ideals of romance, and I day-dreamed a lot about it... how great it would be. Then I had a real experience. Now I think that all of that the anticipation I built up for myself, that entire time, was a whole ton of bullshit (probably TE talking again).
    Change your focus of it. Change the conversation.


    Here are some other ways TE manifests itself, in a horrible way when it comes to myself:

    > Crippling perfectionism. Any creative endeavor done, has to have some kind of logical application to the real world, I.E: Fantastical dreamscapes, or anything I would think of/imagine would be shot down immediately. My inner-monologue would say: "That's fucking stupid. No wonder no one likes you. You're fucking crazy."
    Focus instead on lining out clear goals with results that are measurable related to your creative stuff. Track your progress and only criticize your ability to get it done. Focus on making a painting, not on how the painting turns out, ect.
    >I've lost a lot of compassion, and open-mindedness towards the world and people. I have a negative view on the world, and the people in it. I have isolated myself in the past few months, being afraid of engaging with people in fear of being criticized. I feel very numb towards socialization, seeing it as a task to get over and done with as quick as possible. (I'm closing myself off to new experiences, which feeds NE)
    Make set goals to socialize with people. Today I will talk with 3 people. Today I will hold a 5 minute conversation with someone close to me who I haven't talked to in a while. Shit like that. Focus on getting it done, not on the results at first.
    >I have been heavily critical of others I've engaged with, and how they don't fall-in-line with my own ideals.
    People will always let you down. You will let others down. It happens. Accept this fact, and then focus on ways to turn your flaws into strengths and commit to bettering yourself that you don't have time to focus on the flaws of others.
    >I may be critically heavy on others, but that doesn't hold a candle to how critical I am to myself. Whenever something happens, I direct sharp insults to myself telling me how worthless and how much of a piece of shit I am for procrastinating. Even after all of my achievements, and achieving the highest grade possible... I still feel it isn't enough, and it didn't make me happy.
    Stop talking shit to yourself. Talk yourself up, but set realistic achievable goals with results you can measure over time.
    >I can't see the possibility anything, no matter how hard I try. I know this is the antithesis of a healthy NE. Whenever I do snap into that natural state of day-dreaming, I feel the need to punish myself because of how "Dopey" it is.
    Use daydreaming to your advantage. Use it for visualizations for what you want to achieve, and the steps you need to do to achieve said thing.
    >I am also very sensitive to situations, often reading into them too much. Such as social situations, I end up beating myself up again, and expecting better from myself.
    Find out what you're doing wrong or what's giving you anxiety over it, find solutions to it, then work on making daily progress to fix it every day until you no longer have that problem. Or change your mindset. Make a list of all your insecurities and shit you tell yourself that's negative, and think or do the opposite every time it happens.

    If anyone is going through something similar/ has gone through something similar and has any advice. I would be extremely grateful. It would be nice to know I'm not alone, and it certainly would be nice to figure out some way out of this fresh hell I've creative for myself... so that I may appreciate myself for the "Crazy shit" I do.

    TDLTR: I'm stuck in a dreaded TE grip, what activities should I engage in to utilize proper use of my FI-NE?
    Harness your Te to achieve your goals, not to block you or hold you back by criticizing yourself and stressing yourself out unnecessarily.
    The Eye and RubberNipples thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by The Eye View Post
    Well, it's your high expectations talking here. You put a lot of pressure on your drawings / sketches . I, for instance, being a musician, have ZERO expectations out of my drawings.... that means I could draw just for fun, just to enjoy the creative process..... and maybe that's the right mindset we should try to achieve..... of course habits are hard to leave..
    Hey, that's a good point... It reminds me of something similar that I read quite a bit ago. An artist said, treat your art like the process of brushing your teeth. When you're brushing you're teeth, you don't judge yourself on how you're doing it. You just do it. Hmmmm...

  3. #23

    Hey @Blue Christmas

    Thanks for posting on my thread.

    Just to clarify, by change my conversation- Do you mean those internal thoughts inside of me?

    Focus instead on lining out clear goals with results that are measurable related to your creative stuff. Track your progress and only criticize your ability to get it done. Focus on making a painting, not on how the painting turns out, ect.


    Ahhh, this. I used to do a lot of this. It actually worked in a very productive manner for me. Thanks for reminding me of that method again!

    Make set goals to socialize with people. Today I will talk with 3 people. Today I will hold a 5 minute conversation with someone close to me who I haven't talked to in a while. Shit like that. Focus on getting it done, not on the results at first.


    God, I can't... I can't do this. Errr, not yet. I don't uhhh, know how to talk to people. I'm going to have to come back on this one. I'm a very awkward creature, with a foot in my mouth. Yeah, that's probably that judgmental side of me talking again.

    Stop talking shit to yourself. Talk yourself up, but set realistic achievable goals with results you can measure over time.


    A poster on here, suggested Self-compassion to me earlier. I've been reading up on that and that has worked tremendously for me. Instead of punishing myself internally for what I do, I give myself compassion just like you would a little child (or a younger version of yourself). Inner-encouragement is bliss too.



    Harness your Te to achieve your goals, not to block you or hold you back by criticizing yourself and stressing yourself out unnecessarily.


    Dude, thank-you. Grabbing TE by the horns and harnessing it sounds like an excellent plan.
    Stable Genius and lilysocks thanked this post.

  4. #24

    Quote Originally Posted by RubberNipples View Post
    Hey, @lilysocks thanks for posting on my thread! :D
    i love the word 'dross' :P :P :P

    idk if you ever looked up any of those classic 'abusive behaviour' lists, but they're pretty awesome for setting a different context on the whole thing. and seeing them explicitly itemized also helps you to know what you're trying to troubleshoot or resolve in your own mind.

    i also think that just maybe . . . when you get something like that starting up in your head, think of it as a chunk of the old story surfacing and being available now for you to process it differently. compared with just trying to smush it back down without going back and giving yourself a second chance to speak up for yourself. so maybe saying 'just tell the voice to shut up' wasn't the greatest idea. second-greatest, perhaps . better one is something like 'okay, so that's the story he would have told, but what do i think about it?'

    for what it's worth, i remember too when i realised how many feelings of 'guilt' or 'shame' are actually dread in disguise. fear doesn't have any moral loading on it, in itself. it's just basic intelligent awareness of something bad on the way. says nothing about whether or not the bad thing is fair, or real, or valid. i found that was really useful when i was able to start saying 'i'm scared of the consequences of this, but is the consequence a) real? b) fair? c) really that awful even if it takes place?' instead of jumping straight into a dose of i-suck as a kind of shorthand for 'i'm so used to being punished, i just expect it automatically now'.

    te itself isn't necessarily judgey or mean, btw. i know that begs the question of whether you're comfortable using it anyway since i gather it isn't your primary mode. but it is one of mine, so i'm pretty at ease with it and i do think this statement is true. i hope things settle down for you, and i have a pretty good feeling they will. even when it doesn't feel like you're getting anywhere sometimes . . . you are.

  5. #25

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Christmas View Post


    Focus instead on lining out clear goals with results that are measurable related to your creative stuff. Track your progress and only criticize your ability to get it done. Focus on making a painting, not on how the painting turns out, ect.

    This is a great suggestion. Setting up limitations could help as well (For instance : "I'm gonna finish this in 3 hours, no matter how it turns out" )
    Stable Genius thanked this post.

  6. #26

    Quote Originally Posted by RubberNipples View Post
    Hey @Blue Christmas

    Thanks for posting on my thread.

    Just to clarify, by change my conversation- Do you mean those internal thoughts inside of me?

    Focus instead on lining out clear goals with results that are measurable related to your creative stuff. Track your progress and only criticize your ability to get it done. Focus on making a painting, not on how the painting turns out, ect.


    Ahhh, this. I used to do a lot of this. It actually worked in a very productive manner for me. Thanks for reminding me of that method again!

    Make set goals to socialize with people. Today I will talk with 3 people. Today I will hold a 5 minute conversation with someone close to me who I haven't talked to in a while. Shit like that. Focus on getting it done, not on the results at first.


    God, I can't... I can't do this. Errr, not yet. I don't uhhh, know how to talk to people. I'm going to have to come back on this one. I'm a very awkward creature, with a foot in my mouth. Yeah, that's probably that judgmental side of me talking again.

    Stop talking shit to yourself. Talk yourself up, but set realistic achievable goals with results you can measure over time.


    A poster on here, suggested Self-compassion to me earlier. I've been reading up on that and that has worked tremendously for me. Instead of punishing myself internally for what I do, I give myself compassion just like you would a little child (or a younger version of yourself). Inner-encouragement is bliss too.



    Harness your Te to achieve your goals, not to block you or hold you back by criticizing yourself and stressing yourself out unnecessarily.


    Dude, thank-you. Grabbing TE by the horns and harnessing it sounds like an excellent plan.
    Yeah, change how you talk to yourself and change the focus to something that will deliver you the most results.
    The Eye thanked this post.

  7. #27

    For me it's using Te to solve Fi objectives. You use Fi and Ne to explore options related to lifestyle, personal values, and establishing value in The How of your projects. Then you have to make it happen. You need Te to plan things out and to make it fun you have to create lists of what quality work and standards are. Because you are making these lists yourself, your motivation will increase. Then check your work to your checklist (Si) for accuracy and use the feedback to improve your Te plans for future projects. We need to have checklists or else it's a "just do it" attitude with the shadowy Se. Some of that is good when your checklist is good enough and your standards and plans are good enough. You need to just start, but having plans and checklists and treating them like a game can make them fun.

    You also have to remind yourself of your Fi goals and what you are trying to achieve so go back to your brainstorming during the project to see if the project is still following your values. Then get back to completing your plans.

    Good luck! A masters is hard to get through, even without toxic relationships.
    infpboy and The Eye thanked this post.

  8. #28

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Christmas View Post
    Yeah, change how you talk to yourself and change the focus to something that will deliver you the most results.
    lol this sounds so advanced to me , probably because my self-talk is like a foggy cloud of feelings
    Stable Genius thanked this post.

  9. #29

    In my creative endeavours the reason I overthink is to avoid mockery and sometimes to try have it as 'acceptable' to do so? So I fear comments of "If somebody sees this and says, What the heck is this?! You really call this a piece of work, it's terrible?". Also to avoid embarrassing myself. Any suggestions for this part? Mainly I'm afraid of being made a mockery of if I openly express too much of some things.

    I've been brought up by somebody who legit still follows some old feudal values left behind. And they aren't exactly friendly to high self-image. Something I really can't tolerate from people for any situation is deliberate disrespect or insulting, and it enrages me if or when it happens.

    Yeah overthinking is a pain, especially if you want more hyper stuff and don't want to go into the 'boring, present' for some reason.
    Last edited by Peace Advocate; 12-18-2017 at 07:34 AM.


     
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