[INFP] Fellow INFPS, how do I get out of this dreaded TE grip?

Fellow INFPS, how do I get out of this dreaded TE grip?

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This is a discussion on Fellow INFPS, how do I get out of this dreaded TE grip? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hi, fellow INFPers. I've been miserable lately, and I've found that it may be correlated to this dreaded preference I ...

  1. #1

    Fellow INFPS, how do I get out of this dreaded TE grip?

    Hi, fellow INFPers.

    I've been miserable lately, and I've found that it may be correlated to this dreaded preference I have towards TE, ahead of my other Functions.

    FI-NE-SI-TE

    If we were to relate this to a metaphor of some sort, I'd like to say this grip was brought on by a chain-reaction of sorts: I've had a very stressful year, studying my masters and keeping up with deadlines. I nearly failed this year, due to a very abusive relationship taking hold of a lot of aspects of my life, in the month I had left I had to organize my time to the point of it nearly driving me mad. Breaking up with this individual, and his constant stalking also didn't help. To play catch up, I'd be sitting for up to 12 hours a day drawing, for the entire month, no joke... it made me incredibly miserable. I think personally, this resulted in my using TE a lot more. Now that it's the break, this preferential behavior has stuck around and I still feel extremely miserable.

    I've been reading up on the subject online, and found that:
    "Being Responsible, pious, and or/organized (TE) will bring me wholeness." For the INFP stuck in this grip, and that fits me to a T.

    What I'd like to ask is, how do I snap out of it? How do I utilize the proper use of FI-NE? I read that doing art, or something creative is ideal, but whenever I do art, I always feel TE creeping in. Judging it, and criticizing it unrealistically. Thinking to myself "This piece of art has no logical application to the real world, you idiot. People will see what an idiot you are. What of piece of crap this is, it isn't even symmetrical." I think that utilizing TE, by arranging and micromanaging my life will bring happiness to myself, and I have this desire to do tasks but I procrastinate to avoid the feeling of self-criticism. This sadly leads to even more criticism of myself, for having procrastinated in the first place. Hahaha, I know... that's the dumbest logic out there.

    I feel lately, I am also very judgmental and critical of others whom don't fit up to my standards of structure. This... it just isn't me. It honestly isn't, and I don't like it. I just can't seem to snap myself out of it. After being through that difficult time, I don't feel like I'm the same person I was. I feel a lot of cynicism, and I feel jaded towards the world. I had these ideals of romance, and I day-dreamed a lot about it... how great it would be. Then I had a real experience. Now I think that all of that the anticipation I built up for myself, that entire time, was a whole ton of bullshit (probably TE talking again).

    Here are some other ways TE manifests itself, in a horrible way when it comes to myself:

    > Crippling perfectionism. Any creative endeavor done, has to have some kind of logical application to the real world, I.E: Fantastical dreamscapes, or anything I would think of/imagine would be shot down immediately. My inner-monologue would say: "That's fucking stupid. No wonder no one likes you. You're fucking crazy."

    >I've lost a lot of compassion, and open-mindedness towards the world and people. I have a negative view on the world, and the people in it. I have isolated myself in the past few months, being afraid of engaging with people in fear of being criticized. I feel very numb towards socialization, seeing it as a task to get over and done with as quick as possible. (I'm closing myself off to new experiences, which feeds NE)

    >I have been heavily critical of others I've engaged with, and how they don't fall-in-line with my own ideals.

    >I may be critically heavy on others, but that doesn't hold a candle to how critical I am to myself. Whenever something happens, I direct sharp insults to myself telling me how worthless and how much of a piece of shit I am for procrastinating. Even after all of my achievements, and achieving the highest grade possible... I still feel it isn't enough, and it didn't make me happy.

    >I can't see the possibility anything, no matter how hard I try. I know this is the antithesis of a healthy NE. Whenever I do snap into that natural state of day-dreaming, I feel the need to punish myself because of how "Dopey" it is.

    >I am also very sensitive to situations, often reading into them too much. Such as social situations, I end up beating myself up again, and expecting better from myself.

    If anyone is going through something similar/ has gone through something similar and has any advice. I would be extremely grateful. It would be nice to know I'm not alone, and it certainly would be nice to figure out some way out of this fresh hell I've creative for myself... so that I may appreciate myself for the "Crazy shit" I do.

    TDLTR: I'm stuck in a dreaded TE grip, what activities should I engage in to utilize proper use of my FI-NE?



  2. #2

    Mm, I used to spend a long time in Te grips and put myself in stressful mode because I disliked the idealistic side of my natural self (Fi-Ne) However, it is never fun. You get too rigid and closed-minded. In order to get out of the grip, I tend to spend a lot of time in activities that engages my emotions and imagination.

    -writing
    -drawing
    -walking alone/spending time alone: you are able to think while looking around the surroundings
    -watching movies
    -reading books
    -talking to people with similar interest

    I guess these are very hobby related. I don't think it can be helped as Te grip tends to come out when you are tired/under stress. It is important to get a lot of rest and engage yourself in activities you actually enjoy to get your energy and inspired self back. If you have the energy, it would mean you will have your easy-going/compassionate self back. Balance yourself out.

    EDIT:

    @RubberNipples

    I suppose this is what happens if I only read the TLDR, but I read the entire post after I wrote what I wrote. And the state of the Te isn't just there temporarily. I personally believe if this is the case, finding a way to develop the Te helps as well. I only say this because that was the method I used. I couldn't let go of my Te, because my realistic side could not handle it. As you have said, Te does have its useful side, and knowing how to use that appropriately makes your life a lot more effective. Practicing with self-evaluation and honest self-evaluation helps, I think.

    With that said, in regards to snapping out of Te, no matter how difficult it can be when you are in the grip, try to focus on the positive. Even if it takes a couple of good friends who are fluent in lip-service, try to keep hearing the good stuff and try to feed your ego to a certain degree--enough for you to feel mentally stable. Act big, make your gestures big. Force yourself to imagine, and no matter how much your Te yells, "That's stupid," try to stay that way. I had depression and anxiety for a very long time, and I knew a huge breakthrough occurred when I had my imagination back. I was pretending to be childish and happy, and I was spilling out a scenario to others. And all of a sudden, a vivid picture was drawn inside my head.

    Enjoy the moment. Try not focus on others--ignore their negative cues. Even if they say something negative, it's most likely they will forget about what they said. People don't care as much as they pretend. They just say and do stuff to get attention. Don't focus on others. Focus on what you like and what you desire. Don't focus on their negative side either. If they are that bad, they shouldn't even matter to you. Why talk about the negative if there are positive attributes we can talk about in another?

    Focus on your happiness, even if it requires childlike imagination. Know what you feel good doing.

    And as I mentioned in several of my other posts already, process your feelings. Write them out, talk them out. I've found the general trend of INFPs is that we sulk alone, thinking "I'm so alone in this world!" But you aren't. You've got people here, and people in your real life who genuinely cares for your well-being. Although everyone has different way of executing that, they care and they want to know.

    Be happy.
    Last edited by sippingcappucino; 12-10-2017 at 06:28 AM.

  3. #3

    More from that book, RubberNipples~

    Your higher functions are still in the grip. Total exhaustion. Trying to engage them now only defaults to inferior Te. This is where escaping your Te feels so difficult. You're going to have to tackle it straight on since that's all you have to work with right now.

    Work backwards from the bottom of the pit, I know it’s dark right now. T__T

    Healthy Extroverted Thinking
    • Re-frame weaknesses as opportunities for improvement.
    • Set concrete creative goals that you work toward steadily/deliberately, especially on your really off days.
    • Openly boost yourself up via any method available.
    • Schedule a short amount of time to reflect and self-care to destress.
    • Break down long-term goals into short term objectives. Tiny goals, even by the hour/minute.
    • Check in on your goals and adjust them if you need to.

    Healthy Introverted Sensing
    • Deliberate care of your health: balanced nutrition and exercise.
    • Maintain a routine and maximize productivity. Don't forget scheduled time to reflect/self-care.
    • Keep track on your goals and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
    • Note down your habits/routines/goal-setting strategies that work best. So you know to keep using them later on.
    • Deliberately engage in those emotionally enjoyable activities. You said you liked coloring right? Keep it up, don't wait to feel motivated.

    Healthy Extroverted Intuition
    • Check out different ways to develop personal/professionally outside in your environment.
    • Reframe your struggles as challenges and trust yourself to rise up to them.
    • Try out new things, keep an open mind about them.
    • Check out future possibilities for yourself with no filters on what could be.
    • Be silly and random. Have fun doing it.
    • Focus on the bigger picture to put your daily struggles into perspective.

    Re-Engaging Introverted Feeling
    • Welcome creativity and self-expression into your life with the confidence you've built from nurturing your lower functions.
    • Experience the full weight of your emotions, good or bad. Let it happen.
    • Trust your ability to claw your way back out of the pit. If you're at this point, you've already done it. Let that serve as your confidence for a future shadow grip experience.
    • Learn the navigate your middle ground emotions between total joy/emptiness.
    • Reach back out to those you lashed out against while in Te grip. Repair those relationships.
    • Open up about your experience, accept the emotional support. PerC too!
    • Stop beating yourself up over your flaws. Use your flaws to structure a framework for self-improvement.
    • Reconnect with your values and ideals again. Utilize your Te to take action and work toward your vision of your better, more authentic 'you.'


    Te isn’t well developed so this process is going to feel rather unnatural. I hate to say “trust the process” but I’m not sure of a better wording.
    The Eye and RubberNipples thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Hi @sippingcappucino

    Thanks for taking the time to write, your advice really means a lot. It's honestly comforting to know I'm not alone. Hahaha admittedly, I fall into that trap of thinking I am all alone, and no one understands me at all (It's very irrational to think this way, but geez does it happen). Coming onto these Forums, it honestly helps in encouraging that step towards a more holistic approach.

    I often find myself disliking my FI-NE natural self too, thinking it's too idealistic airy and dreamy... feeling that it's "Stupid". TE can be addictive, in my opinion because it's like an unnatural state, it can be excited and exhilarating but damn hell is it draining to use. Admittedly, I feel high and mighty and all responsible-like when I'm using TE hahahaha... It's like the metaphorical act of flying too close to the sun, eventually you come crashing down.


    I don't think it can be helped as Te grip tends to come out when you are tired/under stress. It is important to get a lot of rest and engage yourself in activities you actually enjoy to get your energy and inspired self back. If you have the energy, it would mean you will have your easy-going/compassionate self back. Balance yourself out.



    I agree completely, I've been very stressed and tired... especially after this hard year. It has been nothing but work, with little to no creative freedom. So, I suppose it's like using TE as an emergency last-resort It came at a cost hahaha!

    Focus on your happiness, even if it requires childlike imagination. Know what you feel good doing.

    And as I mentioned in several of my other posts already, process your feelings. Write them out, talk them out. I've found the general trend of INFPs is that we sulk alone, thinking "I'm so alone in this world!" But you aren't. You've got people here, and people in your real life who genuinely cares for your well-being. Although everyone has different way of executing that, they care and they want to know.



    That's an excellent idea, some way to externalize my thoughts openly in the world... Writing is a tremendous idea. I used to keep a Journal, where I'd write how/what I was feeling so I could rationalize and think about it better before acting to rashly on it. I found a lot of the feelings/ideas I had were complete bullshit. That's a great idea! You've reminded me of that as a method, thank-you!

    Reading your post has made me feel a lot better, so thanks again, 1000 times.
    twirler and sippingcappucino thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Hi, @UberY0shi thanks again for your great posts! All of them have been extremely useful in booting my arse in the right direction. Is this from: The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide? I ordered that, and it should arrive in a week or so. I appreciate you getting some pointers from the book in advance! This will give me something to work towards in the meantime.

    This is all solid information and advice, excellent shit! I'm going to print this out and try and apply each of these things. See if it makes a difference. It should, a lot of these things honestly remind me of what I used to do/engage in when I was in my happier moments... If I think about it more deeply.

    Yeah, and like you mentioned on my last post TE won't develop properly until late 40s but "trust[ing] the process" sounds like a good shot at this point. Don't force anything, just let things flow, meditation will help with that.
    UberY0shi thanked this post.

  6. #6

    In order for me personally to reconnect more with my Fi when I'm having feelings like this I listen to music and try to feel as much as possible. Yes I know it sounds silly, but what you need, if I am any good example, is to reconnect with only that part of yourself and not any other. So writing for me when I'm not in the mood is not actually a good idea since like you said it's liable to only make me just more stressed out. But listening to any music which gives me more strong feelings is a good exercise. I think it's accurate to say that different parts of the brain are like muscles and the more you use them the stronger they get, likewise something might wither or at least just fade into the background if you aren't using it.

    Daydreaming is a really good idea, if you can just try and relax and don't force yourself out of it, just let your mind wander naturally. Because Ne is a perceiving function and Te is a judging one, a true Ne working well will have no judgements at all attached to it, it will just be what it is. So to some extent I think you have to let your mind just flow "neutrally" or without any judgements attached, just let it go where it will like a bag floating in the wind.

    To me what I need to do is to find the things that my Fi finds important in life, that's seeing the beauty in things and in people and maybe looking at the world from a more fantasy/childlike perspective than something about cold harsh reality, which can come in later if it needs to. You can remind yourself about what's most important in your life from some kind of deep, philosophical perspective instead of just mundane everyday needs, heck, learn to hate those needs a little bit until you've rejected that way of thinking.

    In my opinion the key to healthy Te is to use it, but use it in moderation like a fine wine. And in my opinion the key to getting back your healthy Fi is to reengage with the feelings of your past self, so that they are not rejected but idealised instead. Good luck :)
    RubberNipples thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Yup yup! INFP Survival Guide! Great insights indeed, helped me a ton~ Wishing you the best!
    wakingdreams11 and RubberNipples thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Hi, @Adonnus thanks for posting, dude :)

    In order for me personally to reconnect more with my Fi when I'm having feelings like this I listen to music and try to feel as much as possible. Yes I know it sounds silly, but what you need, if I am any good example, is to reconnect with only that part of yourself and not any other.

    Listening to music? Hahaha I already do that on a daily, to the point where it has a medicinal purpose. That's not silly at all, music is powerful shit. Props to you! I think that's an excellent idea. I'll switch everything off, and be rid of any other distractions and just listen to music in a quiet place. Try not to assign any rationality, or inherent meaning to it, rather just for the purpose of feeling. Is there any music you can suggest I could listen to? I already listen to a lot of Low-Fi and Indie rock/pop, and of course Sub pop like Beach house.


    Daydreaming is a really good idea, if you can just try and relax and don't force yourself out of it, just let your mind wander naturally. Because Ne is a perceiving function and Te is a judging one, a true Ne working well will have no judgements at all attached to it, it will just be what it is. So to some extent I think you have to let your mind just flow "neutrally" or without any judgements attached, just let it go where it will like a bag floating in the wind.


    I guess this would come with listening to music, I often like to kind of... I don't know? Conjure up films, or movie-like clips in my mind when listening to music, kind of like creating a music video for that song or something. Sounds stupid, but I find that helps a lot when nurturing FI-NE. Well... I think it does- if TE doesn't creep in and judge the hell out of how absurd and ludicrous a lot of it turns out.

    Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. TE is a lot like a fine-wine in a sense, very addictive but hell almighty it gives a terrible hang-over afterwards.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by RubberNipples View Post
    Hi, <!-- BEGIN TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention -->
    @<b><a href="https://personalitycafe.com/member.php?u=278810" target="_blank">Adonnus</a></b>
    <!-- END TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention --> thanks for posting, dude :)
    Listening to music? Hahaha I already do that on a daily, to the point where it has a medicinal purpose. That's not silly at all, music is powerful shit. Props to you! I think that's an excellent idea. I'll switch everything off, and be rid of any other distractions and just listen to music in a quiet place. Try not to assign any rationality, or inherent meaning to it, rather just for the purpose of feeling. Is there any music you can suggest I could listen to? I already listen to a lot of Low-Fi and Indie rock/pop, and of course Sub pop like Beach house.
    Well, I don't know what works for you since everyone's music taste is totally different, but for me this is a song that I feel like I can just listen to without thinking about. Last thoughts of a dying man and all, so pretty harrowing.

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=J51LPlP-s9o

    But for me what works is just a more intense song that doesn't necessarily have any connection to the real world for me. Anything that allows me to get lost in my own feelings and imagination does the trick here. So for me it's just anything at all that drags you off into another world, away from the boring realities.
    RubberNipples thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by sippingcappucino View Post
    @RubberNipples

    I suppose this is what happens if I only read the TLDR, but I read the entire post after I wrote what I wrote. And the state of the Te isn't just there temporarily. I personally believe if this is the case, finding a way to develop the Te helps as well. I only say this because that was the method I used. I couldn't let go of my Te, because my realistic side could not handle it. As you have said, Te does have its useful side, and knowing how to use that appropriately makes your life a lot more effective. Practicing with self-evaluation and honest self-evaluation helps, I think.

    With that said, in regards to snapping out of Te, no matter how difficult it can be when you are in the grip, try to focus on the positive. Even if it takes a couple of good friends who are fluent in lip-service, try to keep hearing the good stuff and try to feed your ego to a certain degree--enough for you to feel mentally stable. Act big, make your gestures big. Force yourself to imagine, and no matter how much your Te yells, "That's stupid," try to stay that way. I had depression and anxiety for a very long time, and I knew a huge breakthrough occurred when I had my imagination back. I was pretending to be childish and happy, and I was spilling out a scenario to others. And all of a sudden, a vivid picture was drawn inside my head.

    Enjoy the moment. Try not focus on others--ignore their negative cues. Even if they say something negative, it's most likely they will forget about what they said. People don't care as much as they pretend. They just say and do stuff to get attention. Don't focus on others. Focus on what you like and what you desire. Don't focus on their negative side either. If they are that bad, they shouldn't even matter to you. Why talk about the negative if there are positive attributes we can talk about in another?

    Focus on your happiness, even if it requires childlike imagination. Know what you feel good doing.

    And as I mentioned in several of my other posts already, process your feelings. Write them out, talk them out. I've found the general trend of INFPs is that we sulk alone, thinking "I'm so alone in this world!" But you aren't. You've got people here, and people in your real life who genuinely cares for your well-being. Although everyone has different way of executing that, they care and they want to know.

    Be happy.
    This is awesome advice. I really like what you said about remaining childlike rather than taking things to the critical-negative. I totally get in my head and think "that's stupid" constantly when I get in the Te grip. Lol. NOT my usual way at all. I don't know what pushes me to Te grip - probably feeling like I should be more of what others think I should be - you know, expectations. Or, let downs and feeling unappreciated by others. Anyway, I love all you said here.
    sippingcappucino, littlemoon and RubberNipples thanked this post.


     
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