[INFP] Your experience with ISTP, ESFP friendships? - Page 2

Your experience with ISTP, ESFP friendships?

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This is a discussion on Your experience with ISTP, ESFP friendships? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Blue Flower N types in general can struggle with S types. Our logical leaping can drive them ...

  1. #11

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    N types in general can struggle with S types. Our logical leaping can drive them mad and vice-versa with their process-based approaches.

    I’m pretty sure my mom is an S type and I love her and we get along great. But when all us intuitives start talking we lose her even though she’s really really smart. We are just chaos to her.
    It's the same with my mother, an ISTJ. We love each other but she loses me with how, when she's telling me about her day, or something that recently happened to her, there's no summary available. I am going to hear, detail by detail, with a couple of digressions, the entire thing. My attention span has to be working extra well or the story has to be stellar, Best Original Screenplay-level stuff. I wish it weren't this way because it does dampen slightly my ability to bond with her. I feel like I have a better grasp of when to draw out the gory details and when to flit quickly from major idea to major idea.


    ISTPs: Working in the trades, you encounter an above-average number of them. Easy to socialize with, laid back, fairly friendly. Some of them are such "ordinary people" that you have no interest in their MBTI type. That's okay, there are worse sins than being unmemorable. We're here to get the job done and get home. One ISTP at a previous job however, was very memorable. Cynical, paranoid, a little grouchy. Street smart. He'd gotten involved in a shifty hobby, grown very wealthy from it, and was thrown in prison eventually. He had a fondness for me, even though he criticized alot of my noob mistakes at work. He seemed to want to mentor me, frequently giving me useful life tips since he declared me too sheltered. (He also let me take his daughter out on a date. Nothing came from it but still a flattering gesture). Maybe I should catch up with him sometime.

    ESFPs: Have not had good experiences with the people I think are this type. High school theater classes, there were a decent number of them. Intelligent and talented but also superficial, selfish and histrionic. I intentionally would freak them them out with my behavior and words, which I enjoyed at the time but looking back was just as immature and thoughtless as they were.
    Blue Flower and L P thanked this post.

  2. #12

    ESFP... I think I only knew one in high school. She had a surprising amount of depth, which I attribute to her Fi. At the same time, she had no idea how good of a friend I was to her. She would sometimes treat me (her "BEST FRIEND" - her words, not mine) the same as complete strangers, which eventually led me to intentionally drift away. She probably still doesn't know what happened to this day. But, I gave her plenty of chances to stop this behavior and couldn't take it anymore. It was starting to get embarrassing.

    I love ISTPs. I have a close female ISTP friend and my husband is ISTP... and lots of friends in my life over the years have been ISTP too... I love that they are free, independent and go their own way. They also can be super loyal friends (and often surprisingly moral - and if not moral themselves, at least appreciate my morality), which is important to me.

    Of course beyond my husband who I am sure I stretch on a daily basis (and, who is probably borderline S/N and borderline T/F)... I don't really share much of myself with ISTP. Ideas-Yes, but Feelings-No. As others have said, I find that immature ISTPs can kind of be insensitive when it comes to our delicate inner workings (not always intentionally, but they can be so stubborn and exhausting - they never just "understand" me and the time and effort it takes to breakdown and explain whatever it is on my mind can be hurtful and not beneficial to either party). My excuse is usually "well, you wouldn't understand." A statement I think in my head and actually have made out loud much to the annoyance of many ISTPs ("oh you INFP, SO complex, SO complicated."). But, I just know I wouldn't want to put that on them cause they wouldn't know what to do with it. Even my girl ISTP who I have been friends with for YEARS, probably does not KNOW me as well as an INTJ friend of mine who I talk to less. I have to learned to accept that as being okay.

    That aside, I think we make really good friends with ISTP. Most I have met can be very curious, which I think can lead to deeper and more interesting conversations. The ones I know that like to talk more versus do more (more N than S), dig and dig and want to know the truth. I like that quality, esp cause I do not even share my actual ideas readily.

    My ISTP is my friend first, a "simple man" (his words, not mine... although, true - lol), and I love it. ISTPs are so funny and diffuse me really well.

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