[INFP] how to break-out from this "don't have Degree, can't have job" trapping dilemma?

how to break-out from this "don't have Degree, can't have job" trapping dilemma?

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This is a discussion on how to break-out from this "don't have Degree, can't have job" trapping dilemma? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I really need a big, major help now. To give some short 'background' about myself and my 'trapped' story of ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    how to break-out from this "don't have Degree, can't have job" trapping dilemma?

    I really need a big, major help now.

    To give some short 'background' about myself and my 'trapped' story of life (or perhaps rather, 'major dilemma') :
    If there's ONE thing that I deeply regretted the most in my entire life, it's that I was still "naive/unknowledgable" enough, back then about 8-10 years ago, that I just listened to what everybody seemingly said/told me (mostly my "Chinese" traditional big-family members) about taking the WRONG major/4-years Degree (which is in Business: Finance & Management), a major/Degree that I actually have almost ZERO interests in it.

    As a result of that premature decision back then, then coupled with me going back to my home country, again, doing as-I-told to work 6 years in the family-business (furniture) & then now another 3-years helping my dad's business,..now at 30, I've seemed to be more lost, confused, even feeling frustrated/helpless & hopeless than ever before! (due mainly to AGE and society/parental's expectations of a 30-year old eldest son) !

    Now, at 30, I'm feeling so stuck/trapped , often don't know what to do,...and can't help shaking the thought that "I've perhaps majorly screwed my life, taking all those wrong decisions in the past back in those 'naive' days, that made me sadly stuck/trapped now.."

    I've always got interested in more of the "abstract, creative, imaginative, and spiritual, mystery" sides in this life,
    and I used to, and actually still, dream to be a FULL-time well-known musician/songwriter/composer,
    but alas, with how dire & sad the Music Industry state currently right now (ie: it's turned into the "all-about-Money/Profits-and-commercial-tunes/mere-PRODUCT" only, instead of REAL music), I've actually started to seek out & explore other ventures, and have since then seemed to find another possible new ventures/interests, such as perhaps to -eventually- work either as a Researcher, to especially research the 'esoteric'/mysterious links between human's powerful IMAGINATIONS (eg: "where did it really come from??..") and the existence of Consciousness, physical manifestation of the Universe (or even Multiverse), & God.

    Or another new interests of mine: to work as video-game designer, or movie-makers (screenwriters? producers?)
    or even a teacher, which might be related with the "research" I've mentioned above, basically teaching in/for more "esoteric, spiritual" aspects of this vast, mysterious, Grand Life.

    My first important & urgent question is: which field of study (or work) that specifically fit my new interests above?

    Then, my MAIN, and VERY URGENT question now also is:
    if I took the wrong (4-years) Degree back at University, (and also wrong "job-experiences" ie: family businesses) in the past,
    and now want to work in a completely unrelated field,
    where it -unfortunately- often seems to need a related work/education degree (for the "track record") , while my options are currently -unfortunately again- seems to be limited due to 1) Money and 2) parent's (especially my father's) approval?

    or, is another "year(s)-long" uni Degree is actually NOT really required/necessary these days, and I could simply get a sort of a "Certification" short-classes ?
    say, for example, a 3-4 months certification class in Psychology (to get at least a "Certified" certificate, as a Psychologist, so as for the "track record" necessary for me to be able to venture further into for example: research, or writing a stimulating book, with enough credibility in the public?

    Hope to really hear back good, practical inputs/feedback from many of you here, to solve my seemingly-hopeless-&-frustrating 'stuck/trapped' work/education dilemma here..
    thank you.
    refugee, Bago, InternalWonderous and 3 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    Shorter version of the question (without my personal rant) :

    How to solve this seemingly entrapping issue or dilemma?

    To be more specific: what if I took the wrong (four years) Degree back at University (and also ’wrong’ job-experiences in the past years),
    and now want to work in a new, completely unrelated field,
    where it, unfortunately, often seems to need a related work/education degree (for the "track record") , while my options are currently, unfortunately again, seems to be limited due to 1) Money and 2) parent’s (especially my father’s) approval?

    Or, is another "year(s)-long" uni Degree is actually NOT really required/necessary these days, and I could simply get a sort of a "Certification" short classes ?

    Say, for example, a 3–4 months certification class in Psychology (to get at least a "Certified" certificate, as a Psychologist, so as for the "track record" necessary for me to be able to venture further into for example: doing research, or writing a stimulating book, with enough credibility in the public?)

    Hope to hear some good, practical feedback on this frustrating & entrapping dilemma.
    thank you.

  3. #3
    INTP - The Thinkers


    Hmmm. It's a shame these days that a degree speaks more than experience, because I think experience is more valuable.

    Before you go back and get a new degree of any sort, you should probably be at least 90% certain of what it is you want to do. Maybe an online degree is the way to go, part time so you can still work and support yourself.

    Maybe getting a small job in a field you like and working your way up is an option.

    Internships for the experience?

    If you're interested in writing then...maybe write and submit your work places. Maybe someone will recognize your talent and it will lead somewhere.

    A lot of artists/writers/musicians had to have day jobs before their art was enough to support them. And the cool thing about writing, art, music is, you don't HAVE to have credentials, you just have to have an original idea. You just have to make the effort to go through with it (hard for P types), submit it, and get your work out there.
    Equus and niki thanked this post.

  4. #4
    Unknown

    First thing, how overpowering is your father over you? Is he actually overpowering you? Or do you just feel overpowered by him?
    What would happen if you undertook study that you consider he may disapprove of?
    What is the education system like where you are? What are your options? And what exactly is stopping you? Write a list.
    And with the list, problem solve each issue. Go through it realistically. What does your heart want to do? And how is this implementable? If not - why? Is timing an issue or money and how can you find ways of financially support yourself? Do you not know any or some of the answers to these questions? If not, find a professional that does. And remember that it may feel extremely difficult when you first set foot but its important to stay consistant, to test how far you can go and if you fall for a while which you can expect, you cry and then you pick yourself up and again and carry on whilst keeping the prize in distant view. Im actually going through something almost exactly the same, im only 2 years younger than you so probably am looking for the same advice myself. :)
    Stay strong and remember why you are doing this all in the first place.
    Equus thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Sounds like a spiritual problem needing a spiritual solution.
    Leliel, mushr00m, CrabbyPaws and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists


    I am not going to tell you what to do, cos the answer is within yourself... you say you want to do "research", but you are realistically locking yourself indoor, and just scanning a lot of information and researching yourself, BUT... what you are asking us as readers and posters is which way to go. We cannot tell you which way to go, cos we don't work in those industries or is in that area of your world. SO... to test which one is indeed more feasible, you GOT TO, venture and step outside of your home, and literally start networking and asking people IN those industries, WHAT is required to GET in.... I mean, seriously ask them.

    Most companies, industries, regardless of years of experience, wants you to have some kind of "credibility" to "put on the table". Whether you are an artist, or comedian, or an actor. It does not matter what age you are, BUT, you got to offer something unique, of demand, and of relevance, of marketable reasons, and so forth....

    That literally is it really...
    You can make a decision of which way to go, but to be honest, until you start to put the feelers out there, you do not know what is actually being asked from those industries and how....

    I remember wanting to be a business analyst when I first started in my career and the agency said "no, you are not qualified", (because at that time, only big blue chip graduates that got not the likes of IBM or consulting companies can do those roles,) because I was a fresh graduate, and NOW... the work I have done, can indeed be classified as a BA ! Because BA is now more recognised as an actual role within a typical company and the structure of a company has changed. It is no longer a unique position any more but a common position based on the changing of the commercial world. SO... forget him, and I am glad that I never listened to him and pursued continuously, cos if I followed my gut instinct, it will show itself, and you may be onto a path that you do not and is not aware of.



    You have commodity to trade with to get you into the creative industry or any job position that you want. You need to cross sell yourself. Because you have done a business degree already. Then why not couple your business background to the creative industries any way? i.e. check what is the feasibility of creating an animation, or work on an animation project just to get a foot into the door to see how production work happens and network that way first? This is how people transition into different areas. You are too monolithic in your thinking right now. Just step onto the train and see where it takes you.. go for the ride...

    Leave home and travel a little bit, cos when you are staying at home, your Fi can be magnified too much and you will be tied to the Fi (of family) than to pursue your own independent life. I was the same too.. Because I have fallen down in my career, being back home now, actually changes my own perspective and I have gotten too comfortable and lazy again, even though my Fi is coming back now. I cannot survive this way. But at the same time,I know that, my feelings cannot be reconciled entirely, cos there are Fi feelings related to family which I have to deal with. For yourself, you either need to be strong and fly from the nest, OR... you reconcile the relationship with your parents now, cos it seems you are stuck in limbo.




    I know you are ruminating a lot right now Niki, but will you keep in touch with us and let us know what your updates are. i.e. have you spoken to others in the industry and connected with other people in the creative industry other than here in PerC ?
    niki and Equus thanked this post.

  7. #7

    You sound a little like me, Niki.

    When I was in high school (we're talking about 25 years ago), I could try out 4 courses in the technical school, and then finally settle on one that I wanted to pursue. I had wanted to try auto body, but because I'm a girl, my father and my guidance counselor basically took that off the table (wow, if that doesn't speak to the time period I grew up in). I tried commercial arts, agriculture/livestock/horticulture, and culinary arts and liked them all. But when my father learned that I had scored 100% in architecture for the year, he told me I had to pursue this, that it was the most practical career both money-wise and job-security wise. Truth be told, I HATED architecture. But I heeded his advice and took it anyway. Afterall, he made good points that I couldn't refute.

    I got an architecture internship during high school, and I really hated it. I was miserable the entire time. Eventually the job ended and I realized it would kill me to keep going in that kind of industry. But I didn't know where to go from there. I'd spent all my energy learning architecture (hey, I do everything whole-souled, or it's not worth doing)

    I went through cleaning jobs, being a nanny, manager of a bakery, data entry, and helping elderly people with household chores. Throughout all these jobs, I kept my eye open for things I'd be interested in. I noticed a Photoshop computer course at one of the local colleges and decided to try it out. I loved it. It was actually a turning point because from there I took a job as a 3D artist and began creating virtual environments. It meant alot of hard work to learn the computer programs needed to do this work, but I struggled through it on my own, knowing this is what I wanted to do. And it dawned on me then, that the architecture and AutoCAD that I had taken weren't a waste of time afterall. They taught me some of the skills I was going to need for this 3D artist job.

    I've been at that job for almost 13 years, and it has definitely been something I was meant to do. It's been the most fulfilling job I've had.

    I've hit another milestone in my life though. The company I've worked for may not survive the financial downturn we've been suffering. There is a real possibility that I'd have to find another job. I've asked myself if I want to continue, or if there is something new that is waiting for me to explore. Sure, I'm almost 40, but who says you can't change direction midstream? I've thought about museum curator, art restoration, forest ranger, landscaper. I've decided that if someone wants something enough, then they can probably learn what it takes to do it. Passion can be an incredible motivating force. For me, I know I hate educational institutions. They're expensive and I often don't like the atmosphere that one has to learn under. But I have a passion to learn. I go to the library and read whatever I can on the subject. I do research to find out if there are internships that are a possible alternative. I try things on my own to practice skills I'd need. And I look out for volunteer opportunities that would train me and possibly get my foot in the door for something more. And if there was an individual class I could take at a college, I would consider this too.

    It's kind of scary trying a new direction. But you have some great ideas of what you'd like to try. Figure out which one is most attainable for you, and plot a course on how you could do it.

    As a fellow INFP, I know how hard it is to disappoint family. Afterall, they want what is best for us. They want to see us survive in this world. But there does come a time where we, the INFP, have to follow our own course. For me, that meant moving out on my own, because my family was just too overprotective to allow me to try, and sometimes stumble, until I got the hang of things. I knew I was going to be clumsy for awhile, and it was just too easy for my family to say, "Look, you aren't going to make it. Please, come back to what you were doing. It's the right thing."

    And realize that every single job and educational experience you have serves some purpose. You learn skills that you will use down the line in whatever you choose. Each experience builds on the ones before it.

    I wish you the best! I'd love to hear what you've decided on, and what steps you discovered for reaching that goal.
    GoldenDawn, floater212, Equus and 2 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    I'm not sure exactly what to tell you my friend, I am 18 years old, but I will still throw some ideas out there.

    1. If your father's approval is holding you back, you might as well give up already. For as long as you care about this, you will never find relief. I am not encouraging you to give up, but simply stating something that should really be faced right now. There's no real way to get around it, we can't please everybody and for your own peace of mind... you have tried to give him what he wants. Eventually it will make you crazy. And to paraphrase what Refugee said, a spiritual problem seeks a spiritual solution.

    You'll need to evaluate this within yourself if you a looking for a new direction in your life (obviously I am not saying abandon all beliefs and moral and family) but I am sure your father won't die from shock if you choose to take a new path. I am sure he would be more disappointed really if you had lost your sense of ambition and determination to really do anything at all.
    I don't speak because "I am living so wonderfully and peacefully in my own little world", my father is exactly the same, and my older brother feels like you do, but after breaking out of that worry we have realised 1. He will be disappointed even if my brother DOES what he wants him to do, and 2. Nothing has really changed since my brother chose to do what he wanted to do, after the first time he got used to it.

    2. Again, like others said, really have a good research and decide what you want to do. Decide which field exactly your interest will lie (i.e. philosophy, or social work, or teaching.. well to be honest, you could do a philosophy degree and then TEACH it :P best of both worlds). And yeah write a book if you want, that is really a good way to bump up your reputation and to SHOW your experience, which is your advantage. Part time online course sounds great if you have a lot of responsibility to keep up with payments and support yourself and this way it would also be a good idea to back up your steady progress with certificates as you said for short courses, however if you feel more ready and in a good position to, just go straight for the uni course. Really gets through all the mess.

    These are all quite general points though, I realise where you come from and live really does act as a factor into this, since people who are in the UK might have it a little easier say if they have lived in Scotland and are qualified for free university education.

    Whatever you do, please make sure you do a lot of research and try to see the BIG Picture, something might seem appealing because of it's quick fix and quick reward, but it may not also be the best way forward. Similarly with this idea, think of your issues with you dad, how long for the rest of your life will you worry about impressing him and being held back? It will probably be best for your whole family to start taking the reigns now before you reach a point in your life in which you become full of regret and this starts to project on every area of your life, including family.

    Good luck!
    niki, refugee and Laeona thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Dude you always have an ongoing battle with society. Unfortunally in this world is very difficult to be who you really want to be because this society puts a lot of pressures and obstacles. There are many INFPs that want to pursue careers in art and music which can be challenging but possible but it takes a lot of work and if you haven't done nothing about it then you need to be realistic.

    You will never make the "perfect" decision when choosing a career and you will make mistakes. What matters is that you have a career that can sustain yourself and that can endure any type of crisis in the future. Basically a career that can give you stability.


    There are good careers that can give you a good future but you need to be realistic because no job is going to make you feel happy all the time. You will experience frustrations once in a while but that's how life is.


    I have a job that I sometimes like and other times I hate but do I love it? To tell you the truth I don't but at least I receive a check that I can spend on whatever I want and I conform to that. If I started my life all over again would I choose a different career path? Hell yeah! But life ain't always going to be pleasant or perfect.

    Chose what makes you happy but be realistic about it.
    Equus, niki, refugee and 2 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    The education system is just as corrupt as the music indutry, in the sense that they are only about profit, but claim to be the opposite. I will be completing my degree in criminal justice next week. My dream job, which I discovered rather recently is to be a counsoler. That's four more years of schooling, don't even wanna know how much more money. At least a year of that "much needed schooling" is just bullshit gen eds that are not going to benefit me whatsoever. And the only reason I have to take them is because some asshole said so. I decided to just stick with my jailer degree. I can still fufill my counsoler role working as correctional officer, and I'll save money and a good portion of my life in the process... And what if I decided I really didn't want to be a counselor after taking all those classes? What I'm trying to say is that what you do to make money doesn't, or shouldn't define who you are. I am also a musician, but there's no way I could make a living off of that. So I do it on the side. Unless you absolutely can't stand what you are doing, I'd stick with it for a bit longer, and pursue your interests on the side. Who knows, there may be a by-side incident.
    Laeona and amethyst_butterfly thanked this post.


     
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