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This is a discussion on Ask an ENTJ a question! within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by InLoveWithAWavelength Do you cry? ;) There's a thread on this and I appear to be atypical here, ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by InLoveWithAWavelength View Post
    Do you cry? ;)
    There's a thread on this and I appear to be atypical here, but yes. At least atypical in admitting it ;) I sniffle through some sad movies and sob through others. I am secure enough to not give a damn who sees and so far, no one has had the inclination to call me on it ;)

    To be fair, I do run contrary in many respects to what most ENTJ's answer here, but I have also had a bit more time to work on my ENTJness than some here.
    mushr00m and InLoveWithAWavelength thanked this post.

  2. #22
    INFP - The Idealists

    How much do you appreciate honesty?

  3. #23

    Quote Originally Posted by skelemouse View Post
    How much do you appreciate honesty?
    Giving or receiving?

    I find honesty to be paramount to building accurate communication. If you are honest with me, I know where I stand and can behave accordingly. However, I have found that others don't always appreciate me being 100% "forthright" with my thoughts. Sometimes they are hurt by what I say, so I have to filter it.

    So, tell me like it is. I can take it and I value it. My feelings don't get hurt by facts. But odds are good that I will practice the "sin of omission" with you, at least until I know you can hear my 100% honesty without taking it in a way that I don't mean.

    I am 90% unfiltered with my best friend, an INTJ, but it goes down from there.
    Last edited by Mr Canis; 01-05-2013 at 10:51 AM.
    mushr00m thanked this post.

  4. #24
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by Neverontime:3284863
    Have you come close to crossing his values and if so, did his reaction affect you in any way more than you would have expected it to?
    I probably crossed his values the first day we were truly comfortable with each other. It doesn't have to be some specific archetypal value that differs between an ENTJ and INFP, but just the fact that I am so open with him means that *something* will come up that he doesn't appreciate. I wasn't surprised that he was reacting, because I cross values nearly everyday. However his reaction was surprising in that he was so delicate with the issue. He wouldn't try to change my thinking or even ask me why I felt that way, and while that built a subconscious need in my mind to prove myself to him, he would just disregard and ignore the problem. I was frustrated to say the least, it was a different reaction than I had ever received and I didn't know how to handle it.

  5. #25
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by InLoveWithAWavelength:3285256
    Do you cry? ;)
    I cry when I feel I have been personally hurt in some way. Unlike many people I know, I find it hard to cry for the pain of others because for that, I'd rather come up with a bulletproof plan to fix it. However, when it comes to myself, the emotions hit me faster than I can think to fix the issue (or at least, get over the issue).

    Having said this, on an average my frequency of letting the waterworks loose is probably once a month. Sometimes it's less, sometimes more depending on what a bitch life is being.

    The only times I've cried during a book/movie is when the main character had gnawed onto my mind so much that if they were hurt, it felt like a personal loss. Doesn't happen much, I think I've only cried while reading Lolita and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

    I used to feel really weak when I cried. Now I embrace it as a safer way to get out my frustrations than breaking down walls.
    Iselia and Stable Genius thanked this post.

  6. #26
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by FancyProseStyle View Post
    I do not know if it is this INFP in particular or all INFPs, but I have said to him on more than one occasion that we are incompatible. Now, on a surface level this clearly seems to be the case. I am at his throat for nearly everything and he does not approach me with tough love like I wish he would. He is ever the dreamer and ever the romantic when all I really want to do is engage him in a fiery, lusty debate.

    However, our compatibility and our communication mostly happens on a deeper level. He seems to truly believe that I am not a bitch, which surprises me. He sees "the good" in me, and while that is a bit cheesy, I feel a type of endearment for anyone who is willing to look past my outer self. Most of our communication is wordless and minimalistic, and there is always that dangerous lust looming in the air that does most of our communication for us. When we do talk, most of it is empty words and we mostly read the meaning behind it. Being a writer that is very fond of communications in general, it is a very intriguing type of bonding I have never felt before.

    We are still learning to work on our many conflicts. It usually does not go well, as I am adamant on pressing and provoking and shoving the issue in his face (aggressive, very) and he likes to ignore the topic and he will likely just leave. This is even true when I have made the mistake and I want some sort of punishment to let me know that we are on good terms, but he can't bear it and wants me to just "drop it".
    It sounds like a pretty interesting relationship. From my observations before and when trust is established and by that specificically I mean when both parties trust each other with communicating more openly especially the INFP. The best advice here I think is to reassure him that you can handle criticism and be sure to get that message across, ENTJs seem to be energised by some conflict whereas the INFP might not want to be pushed into it. I think what makes the ENTJs/INFP relationship strong is the honesty and reassurance of accepting that and it would require you to just to take a more cushioned approach, coming on too strong may cause him to clam up even more. Creating an open atmosphere where you can just talk to each other freely. The strength the INFP has in the engagement of the extroverted intuition, that's what makes them open minded so that should help with the open and honest aspects.
    So I'm one of those that thinks with a little work that this could make a good pairing.

    Edit-I realised this openness aspect was mentioned a couple of posts above, only just noticed. Still it's a good topic worth talking about.

  7. #27
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by skelemouse:3285445
    How much do you appreciate honesty?
    I appreciate complete honesty because I really don't see why someone would want to lie to me of all people. If my boyfriend told me he was into polygamy or something, I would be 99% less pissed than if I found him fucking another girl's brains out.

    There's never a reason to lie because even the most hurtful of truths give you closure, constructive criticism, and make you a stronger person. I want to live the goods AND the bads of life.

    Also, the fact that someone is lying to me says something about the openness of the relationship. I don't think I want to be in any relationship that is so surface level that we can just lie to each other. It's not even about "can I ever trust you again?" or "how could you lie?" It's just, "You don't even need to lie, I'd rather experience life without you filtering it for me."

    Of course, I'd allow a relationship time before I expect it to get here. I've learned through trial and error that no one is comfortable right away to be as truthful and open as I ask of them. However, if a lot of time has passed and I don't see any progress, I will seriously question if I want that person in my life no matter how important they are to me.

  8. #28
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by mushr00m:3286414
    It sounds like a pretty interesting relationship. From my observations before and when trust is established and by that specificically I mean when both parties trust each other with communicating more openly especially the INFP. The best advice here I think is to reassure him that you can handle criticism and be sure to get that message across, ENTJs seem to be energised by some conflict whereas the INFP might not want to be pushed into it. I think what makes the ENTJs/INFP relationship strong is the honesty and reassurance of accepting that and it would require you to just to take a more cushioned approach, coming on too strong may cause him to clam up even more. Creating an open atmosphere where you can just talk to each other freely. The strength the INFP has in the engagement of the extroverted intuition, that's what makes them open minded so that should help with the open and honest aspects.
    So I'm one of those that thinks with a little work that this could make a good pairing.
    It's hard to build that atmosphere. While I can handle most criticism and like you put it so well, am energized by conflict, there is a very dark line between this and no man's land. If anyone crosses the line, I turn into a fire breathing dragon. You guessed it... he crossed the line. This line basically has to do with a part of me/my past that I'm not comfortable with and while he doesn't purposely bring it up, it resurfaces in our conversations a lot. After the first time I freaked out about it (half an hour of yelling and swearing and the other half crying while he awkwardly held me), he is now scared that *anything* he does will push me over the edge. I have explained to him the limits, and have also stated that it was my fault on more than one occasion, but he won't accept my words.

  9. #29
    INFP


    Quote Originally Posted by FancyProseStyle View Post
    I probably crossed his values the first day we were truly comfortable with each other. It doesn't have to be some specific archetypal value that differs between an ENTJ and INFP, but just the fact that I am so open with him means that *something* will come up that he doesn't appreciate. I wasn't surprised that he was reacting, because I cross values nearly everyday. However his reaction was surprising in that he was so delicate with the issue. He wouldn't try to change my thinking or even ask me why I felt that way, and while that built a subconscious need in my mind to prove myself to him, he would just disregard and ignore the problem. I was frustrated to say the least, it was a different reaction than I had ever received and I didn't know how to handle it.
    Interesting.

    Did you figure out how to handle it?

  10. #30
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by Neverontime View Post
    Interesting.

    Did you figure out how to handle it?
    Unfortunately, no. He just goes off to sulk and parkour or dance while I burn in rage and write or yell at people.


     
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