[INFP] Processing - Any Way To Speed This Up?

Processing - Any Way To Speed This Up?

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This is a discussion on Processing - Any Way To Speed This Up? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I've touched on this here before but my INFP girlfriend "processes" emotional stuff so much. It's usually 1-2 days per ...

  1. #1
    ENFP

    Processing - Any Way To Speed This Up?

    I've touched on this here before but my INFP girlfriend "processes" emotional stuff so much. It's usually 1-2 days per week she's processing and on those days she doesn't text much and exhausts herself to the point of going to bed early and not wanting to phone chat (which we only do every few days anyways).

    I kinda hoped the more we got to know each other, the quicker she resolves this stuff. I'm understanding her better but is there any way to speed this thing up - or would that just drive her off?

    If she can process in a couple hours even would be great.



  2. #2
    ENTJ

    Of course. Here you go: https://www.techradar.com/news/best-ram

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by ultio View Post
    lmfao!!!

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby85 View Post
    I've touched on this here before but my INFP girlfriend "processes" emotional stuff so much. It's usually 1-2 days per week she's processing and on those days she doesn't text much and exhausts herself to the point of going to bed early and not wanting to phone chat (which we only do every few days anyways).

    I kinda hoped the more we got to know each other, the quicker she resolves this stuff. I'm understanding her better but is there any way to speed this thing up - or would that just drive her off?

    If she can process in a couple hours even would be great.
    Don't force it, you're impatience is showing. I, too, am eager to spend time with a romantic partner, especially when it's fresh, but you're going push her away if you don't practice some restraint and just let events unfold naturally.
    entheos, Frankly My Dear and Voyageur thanked this post.

  5. #5

    I don't know the whole story, but it sounds like you're pretty critical of this relationship of yours. You may be critical in its favor, but you're still being critical of it, and that's not a good thing. I think instead of speeding things up, you both need to slow down and take it more easy.

    How she processes things is none of your business to be interfering with, so accept her as she is, not as a label--not as an "INFP" or an "INFP girlfriend" but as a human being who transcends the sum of her parts. Enjoy her company and don't worry so much about what does or doesn't happen in your relationship, or what you perceive needs fixing. I understand you just want to do it right and be the best boyfriend you can be for her, but too much anxiety and micromanagement on your end will cause you both to burn out and unintentionally create distance between you two. She seems to really like you, so don't go ruining a beautiful thing. Enjoy what you have today instead of trying to race out to capture the ever elusive future.

  6. #6
    ENFP

    Processing things in her head longer than you usually do isn't anything bad to be complained about. Look at it from different angle - it could make you more patient and less restless over time too :) I had something similar at the beginning of my relationship that the other party was much more analytical (INFJ) and processes stuff quite differently in her mind but this has had a calming effect on my otherwise restless and impatient nature, which is good. And where's there to hurry - if you match well, you'll anyway eventually get all that you want :)
    Blue Flower thanked this post.

  7. #7

    I really admire your energy! I'm sure she does as well. It takes me years to really open up to someone, however, mostly to get to know them. The enfps I've known have struggled with commitment, which is another reason it took me a while. I need to know that a long term relationship is favored. Guaranteed. Patience is very important.

    Know that your enthusiasm and spontaneity is definitely valued, but I think infps also do need their space and time. I know I do. Try not to rush it, take it easy and let it flow. You can also always be honest about how you feel and just ramble about it.

    As long as it doesn't come off as tethering or condemning her for it (I hate this), I'd say you should be fine. Enfps in my experience have a wicked high EQ and their communication/ability to make people feel comfortable is pretty on point. How you respond during her mini withdrawal periods will be important towards her comfort levels and how she feels about you.
    entheos, neutralchaotic, Blue Flower and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #8

    You should probably slow your roll. Good things take time. ;-]

    I kinda hoped the more we got to know each other, the quicker she resolves this stuff.
    Not sure why you thought this: processing doesn't change due to external circumstances (unless things are so overwhelming that emotional processing doesn't happen at all---which is a stressed/unhealthy INFP). Relax, and continue to let her do her own thing. If you let on that you wish she would speed up, things aren't going to go well.

    It takes me 3-4 days to process emotional swings/events/etc., so she's already plenty speedy in my eyes. Don't try to change her or 'influence' this aspect...let her keep her mental space to herself, and busy yourself those days that she chooses to take time away from you. She needs space to breathe. If you try to infringe on that, watch out!

  9. #9

    I don't have much knowledge but I'm sharing what I know. One of the most important things to any INFP is space and time, give them what they need and they will give it back to you late, sometimes it comes double of what they gain, which mean that long processing could give better result that what you are waiting for, so please some more time.

    I think it's possible to speed up processing but it could give back a bad impact on your relationship, The INFPs that I know usually takes 2days or more to process emotional stuff, so i guess your girlfriend is considered abit faster than usual. This time that she take for processing is usually for desire, from my knowledge INFPs usually doesn't need this kind of relationship yet they would enter it when they want, so this time is used to connect things inside their minds and hearts to make you something they desire which means most likely they would give alot of effort to keep you around them when they are comfortable with you around.

    This only my personal thoughts and know it could be different cases here, but I hope to share this will give some help around.
    AshOrLey thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Unknown

    I've read some of your other posts about your new relationship and think your efforts are mighty sweet. I can't speak for your gf, but I'd say that for me there'll be two elements to process here. The first is learning to trust the new partner, especially if I've been hurt before. It seems your efforts to be open and frank with her has gained you a lot of ground. The second would be learning to trust what I feel about the person with whom I'm falling in love. I'm aware of having a tendency of putting people on a pedestal or idealizing them and so try hard to see them for who they are, otherwise it wouldn't be fair to them when the magic dust wears off. And at the same time, I can't help but feel attracted to the person. This is a lot of push-pull emotions to process, on top of dealing with the former trust issues, and making sure that I won't get hurt, that I'm not wrong about what I feel, or about the person I'm getting to know, etc.

    Getting to know a person better doesn't make the fears suddenly go away. In fact, it sometimes makes me more fearful and guarded: what if things go wrong when I get too comfortable? Or that the pressure to move faster will then establish a kind of co-dependency that I don't want in the first place? As an INFP, when someone asks me to trust them and I do, it is quite a big deal in that it means I think they understand just how sensitive I am about things and people. And now if they hurt me inadvertently in this relationship of trust, it's really painful (even if it might be an inconsequential matter from an objective point of view)—I can't risk that. I'm aware of just how silly such sensitivity can be and still I can't help what I feel, but do they? Are they really sure? Etc. It takes a while to be ready for that kind of trust. When someone isn't ready, they simply aren't. Pushing someone to get to where you want will only backfire or eventually push them away.

    Why do you want to get there so quickly? When I decide for sure that I want someone in my life, I'm in it for the long haul and would take my time, letting the person reveal themselves to me. And deciding that takes a while. You're gonna want to be spending a long time with this person so what does it matter if it's a few more months? And what if this is her default way of working through things, hurt or not? I understand that you want to spend a lot of time with her and get to know her, etc., but patience is key here, as pointed out by other posters. She probably wants to spend all her time with you too and you should feel good that she's taking it slow because it means she is really considering the impact of her actions on you, even if she's not clear what these actions and impacts are as yet. She's more than just an amalgamation of INFP behaviours. Healing takes time and you have in your hands a special person (you saw that!) who needs time to heal from her past hurt.
    Last edited by FinalStory; 11-26-2018 at 03:24 PM. Reason: typos
    entheos, Blue Flower and Moby85 thanked this post.


     
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