[INFP] Do you have deep meaningful friendships with others or are they shallow

Do you have deep meaningful friendships with others or are they shallow

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This is a discussion on Do you have deep meaningful friendships with others or are they shallow within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Just out of curiosity... how many of you have friends where u both share a deep connection and can be ...

  1. #1

    Do you have deep meaningful friendships with others or are they shallow

    Just out of curiosity... how many of you have friends where u both share a deep connection and can be your whole self around? Or are most of them Shallow friendships, as in you cant be 100% yourself around them and the freindship just feels flat? Or is it that u only have acquaintances and haven't yet found a true friend?
    Last edited by Zeta 97; 01-13-2019 at 12:39 PM.
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  2. #2

    By my very definition of "friendship", shallow is not a descriptor in the definition, therefore I can't say I have shallow friendships.

    By this definition you provided:
    u both share a deep connection and can be your whole self around
    I have 1 friend currently, and we haven't known each other for long in the scheme of things. I mean 10 months isn't much, but it's enough I guess.

    I don't find people I connect or relate to, or people with whom I can be myself. In my history, when people first get to know me they think I'm amazing, they can't get enough of me. As our thing progresses and I talk more about my spirituality and other various woo woo thoughts and opinions, they either run for the hills or try to fight who I am in an attempt to change me.

  3. #3

    Yeah, definitions are important here, especially when it comes to what constitutes a "true friend".

    Deep connections for me are merely invested time and trust bonding. I don't have a problem connecting with people, but I can be pretty upfront/blunt about it in a way people aren't prepared for especially if I've spent the previous interactions suppressing my opinions.

    All of my closest friends except maybe 2 or 3 are aware of how I really am, and don't really seem bothered by our disagreements or outlooks. That's important for establishing trust/respect. I can gauge a friendship based on how much of an asshole I can be without fear of any conflict or disgust/surprise. There are quite a few friendships like that, although I change my stances on topics so quickly upon learning new information that it can be difficult if we don't regularly communicate.

    All of the shallow friendships are just friendships that haven't reached the 5-10+ year marker. I don't know how there's any other way to establish a deep bond. IF there is a way, please inform thanks.

    Or is it that u only have acquaintances and haven't yet found a true friend?
    Perhaps this is an issue of semantics (probably is), but I don't believe in "finding" true friends. Nobody is a friend upon meeting. They're built. Just like romantic relationships. Just because you aren't having sex or what have you doesn't mean the process of bonding is any different. Need to spend time together, suffer together, fight each other, grow together, all that shit. People are always deepening across their sets of competence, learning/growing, and dealing with demons. We become more idiosyncratic with the passage of time, meaning we become MORE INCOMPATIBLE as we age. That's also part of the reason why the best friendships are developed over time. Those differences and paths don't matter so much as the trust/respect that has accumulated.

    ...That's all assuming no terrible crap happens and you two part ways.

    Anyway yeah, I have a few good friendships. They all piss me off in some way or another too.
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  4. #4

    I don’t really consider people friends unless we have a deep bond. By my definition I have 3. I do have a whole bunch of varying levels of acquaintances that I’ll casually refer to as friends for lack of better words. “Here is someone I work with and chat with regularly and I know the names and ages of all her kids, and I’ve been to her house but she’s not someone I would ask to watch the cat while I’m away” hardly rolls off the tongue.
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  5. #5

    Yes I have such friendships with my closest friends.
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  6. #6

    That's a pretty great question. I do long to have that kind of deep connection with someone but I don't really have any friendships where I do, my best friend is even more reserved than me and my other main friends aren't really into that sort of thing. And I tend to be really anxiously reserved so I don't know how many people I'd be able to open up to like that anyway. The closest thing I've ever had to it have all been online friends, and I've fallen out of contact with all of them one way or another. But when it's all over a computer screen I'd imagine it'll never be quite the same has having an actual person like that you can meet up with and talk to face-to-face.

    My last job did have a person I think I could have had that kind of relationship with, she was one of those people that had a way of really drilling through your emotional barriers and bringing all your pent up feels out of you and talking to you on a really deep emotional level without you feeling weird about it. Though I guess outings with her did usually involve us all being drunk. Getting to spend time with her like that always felt awesome though. But she was fired from that job and we all lost contact with her, but she also later turned out to be something of a manipulative sociopath... so maybe it's for the best that I never got the chance to divulge too much to her, eh? But I would love to have an IRL friend I could have that kind of relationship with someday.
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  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by entheos View Post
    By my very definition of "friendship", shallow is not a descriptor in the definition, therefore I can't say I have shallow friendships.

    By this definition you provided:


    I have 1 friend currently, and we haven't known each other for long in the scheme of things. I mean 10 months isn't much, but it's enough I guess.

    I don't find people I connect or relate to, or people with whom I can be myself. In my history, when people first get to know me they think I'm amazing, they can't get enough of me. As our thing progresses and I talk more about my spirituality and other various woo woo thoughts and opinions, they either run for the hills or try to fight who I am in an attempt to change me.
    I've watched your posts for a number of years and I chuckled out loud reading this. I admire your self awareness which you often articulate very well in so many posts. The forum has benefitted from your originality and straightforward writing.
    Blue Flower thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Throughout my life, my friendships have been of the deepest sort; and, perhaps surprisingly, they have come effortlessly on both sides. If the two of you are a good fit, then what's to stop probing the depths and strengthening the bonds on both sides? If the two of you aren't a good fit, then--as friends--they aren't worth the expenditure of time one needs to make for an honest friendship.

    LOL, spouses usually hate me because they see that I'm closer to their husbands or wives than they could ever be.
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  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeta 97 View Post
    Just out of curiosity... how many of you have friends where u both share a deep connection and can be your whole self around? Or are most of them Shallow friendships, as in you cant be 100% yourself around them and the freindship just feels flat? Or is it that u only have acquaintances and haven't yet found a true friend?
    I have a few people that I share amazing connections with. The rest are acquaintances that I can spend an afternoon with and not feel like plugging up my ears.
    Blue Flower and Zeta 97 thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeta 97 View Post
    Just out of curiosity... how many of you have friends where u both share a deep connection and can be your whole self around? Or are most of them Shallow friendships, as in you cant be 100% yourself around them and the freindship just feels flat?
    Of all the friends I have the deepest connections with and I'm sure I can be 100% myself, there is only 1 at the moment.

    Just yesterday, I was walking with him and we talked about spirituality, inner nature, perception, the two seperate consciousness of humans and why you should really dig deep inside of yourself so as to change your perception of the world and reality. Someone who can talk like that about those things, I can immediately be more open and 100% honest with because there is no judging; just listening and observation.





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