[INFP] INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't? - Page 2

INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 79
Thank Tree118Thanks

This is a discussion on INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I would add that I think a general issue is INFPs tend to get close to people by saying “This ...

  1. #11

    I would add that I think a general issue is INFPs tend to get close to people by saying “This is how I feel” then waiting for the other to share when the mood strikes them. We feel we are being open by sharing ourselves. This is Fi. Fe users want you to ask about them, acknowledge and understand their emotion even if you disagree, then offer your own input as it relates to theirs. Group harmony. So Fi is seen as selfish by Fe. Fe is seen as intrusive by Fi.

    To be stupidly simple, an Fi user might say “I hate tomatoes.” Another Fi user would reply “But I LOVE tomatoes”. And both would chuckle and say “That’s fine, we are different”

    An Fe user would prefer you say “What’s your opinion on tomatoes” and if they extolled their virtues would rather you say “I certainly understand all the points you mentioned. Personally I’ve never been the biggest fan but I support your choice.”

    To Fe, Fi seems blunt and caustic. To Fi, Fe dances around issues and is unnecessarily concerned with what others think. The other thread mentioned the woman ordering only fries as being selfish. I saw her as being unobtrusive and trying to make the best of a situation she found difficult.
    Last edited by Blue Flower; 02-18-2019 at 07:51 AM.

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by DTsuDTsu View Post
    I know what you mean...The fear and insecurity starts building up, right? Hate to leave things sitting and brewing. But do you feel that it could be difficult to be neutral or without emotion in such instances?

    And I see what you mean! It's true that our situation is a bit different. But I do believe that if people genuinely care for each other, they'll want to work things out no matter what. :)

    What are some things you really love about her? And that you think she'd say she loves about you?
    Ah, I should've mentioned this straight away, but she passed away a little over a year ago. Her disability finally caught up with her.

    What did I love about her? Two things come to mind. For one, I could trust her absolutely. For me, trust is a prerequisite to love. She proved time and time again that she was trustworthy, and would always be there for me. It took a long time for me to trust her so completely, and it frustrated her initially. I had a lot of abandonment and betrayal in my past, so it wasn't easy for me to trust.

    The second reason is going to sound a bit sophomoric. She loved me. It was rare sensation for me, and intoxicating at that.

    What did she love about me? Like me she had abandonment issues, and I think having someone she could count on was novel. I was also very considerate of her emotions, and never tried to play games with her. Of course at this point I can't ask her...

  3. #13
    INFP

    Quote Originally Posted by DTsuDTsu View Post
    Haha, that bad, is it?

    No, I'm only joking, too. But yes, I did do a bit of research and saw some threads. None of them quite got to what I was looking for, I suppose. Now you might ask me what I'm looking for exactly, and like a true INFP, I don't know! I know only that I'll know when I find it! ;)

    No, the other thread in the INFJ forum did have some good information. Unfortunately it went downhill and the thread of discussion got lost in the mess. Otherwise, if people hadn't become so ranty about INFPs, I don't doubt a lot more could have been considered and discovered!
    I could probably try and dissect this more if you give some hypothetical examples of how you guys end up hurting each other. Like is it certain things he says that hurt your feelings and vice versa?
    DTsuDTsu thanked this post.

  4. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    To Fi, Fe dances around issues and is unnecessarily concerned with what others think.
    Oh! Good to know! Now I know what did I do wrong. Thanks. So my solution is; ignoring Fi users needs, let them help themselves on their own even though they beg me for help. I shouldn't even care if their life is in danger.

  5. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowbroker View Post
    Oh! Good to know! Now I know what did I do wrong. Thanks. So my solution is; ignoring Fi users needs, let them help themselves on their own even though they beg me for help. I shouldn't even care if their life is in danger.
    Oh sweet Christ.

    Don't you think you did enough damage in the last thread?

    Please don't come here with more insinuations and useless snark. You're getting defensive over something that's not even about you. It's not welcome.

  6. #16

    @DTsuDTsu

    What? I was sincere. I actually write it down there so I won't forget the idea that I came up with and if @Blue Flower wants to share an opinion about it then we can discuss it because I want to learn about Fi and Blue Flower really knows Fi better than me.

    If I'm not wanted here then I'll go of course. It's ok.

  7. #17

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    I have no direct experience but just wanted to say I read your other thread and WOW! Oh my gosh.

    I have met some lovely INFJs here; a couple of my favorite posters are INFJ. The thread though reminded me of my not-so-healthy INFJ sister who has a sad tendency to say “Here, let me take you to pieces, elevate all your minor flaws to catastrophes that make you unlikable, and then remind you how I had to do it for your own good.” That thread is brutal. So sorry.

    Like I said there are some lovely INFJs here. Kind and sensible.
    Absolutely...I think the fact that people couldn't see their own hypocrisy was most unsettling to me. (For example: accusing the very select and clearly unhealthy few INFPs they were referring to as being "my way or the highway" and impossible to discuss with, when they refused to even entertain the idea that that same select group could be anything other than the prime indicator of what all INFPs are like.) When even remotely challenged on it, that triggered defense mode and I'm right and that's it.

    I hate hypocrisy. I don't care if it comes from a place of hurt. If you're doing exactly what you're accusing others of doing, then 1.) it's very clearly not something innate only to the group being "targeted", but 2.) it also isn't going to facilitate any reasonable discussion. I see how it went the way it did, and I regret that the members who engaged in that kind of language let it fall apart like that. Rather than allowing it to blossom into an opportunity for more understanding, they went the, "Let's be unhealthy about this!" route. Shame...

    I'm sorry for your experience with your sister....That sounds rough, and indeed unhealthy. >< Is she doing better? I know we're all learning, and it can be hard for the INF-s...

    And yes, I've had the good fortune of meeting a few of the lovely INFJ members! Thank goodness - they've kept me very hopeful!! They're truly wonderful.

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    I would add that I think a general issue is INFPs tend to get close to people by saying “This is how I feel” then waiting for the other to share when the mood strikes them. We feel we are being open by sharing ourselves. This is Fi. Fe users want you to ask about them, acknowledge and understand their emotion even if you disagree, then offer your own input as it relates to theirs. Group harmony. So Fi is seen as selfish by Fe. Fe is seen as intrusive by Fi.

    To be stupidly simple, an Fi user might say “I hate tomatoes.” Another Fi user would reply “But I LOVE tomatoes”. And both would chuckle and say “That’s fine, we are different”

    An Fe user would prefer you say “What’s your opinion on tomatoes” and if they extolled their virtues would rather you say “I certainly understand all the points you mentioned. Personally I’ve never been the biggest fan but I support your choice.”

    To Fe, Fi seems blunt and caustic. To Fi, Fe dances around issues and is unnecessarily concerned with what others think. The other thread mentioned the woman ordering only fries as being selfish. I saw her as being unobtrusive and trying to make the best of a situation she found difficult.
    You explained this so well. I was having a hard time working out inside what the differences are and was thinking I need to somehow research it more in-depth to really get a grasp. This brought such clarity, thank you! It also really highlights how differently we do tend to think! I wonder where the bridge between these two would be....It's a bit hard to imagine. That makes me think it must just be, in the end, a need to respect each other's different ways of thinking and be able to accept it at the end of the day in order to have a good relationship. There is something more I'd love to ask you about this, but I can't seem to formulate the question now...If I can, I hope it's alright if I tag you again.

    Thank you so much!
    Blue Flower thanked this post.

  8. #18

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowbroker View Post
    Oh! Good to know! Now I know what did I do wrong. Thanks. So my solution is; ignoring Fi users needs, let them help themselves on their own even though they beg me for help. I shouldn't even care if their life is in danger.
    Other thread got shut down. Is that your goal here too? We don’t see that often.
    DTsuDTsu thanked this post.

  9. #19

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowbroker View Post
    @DTsuDTsu

    What? I was sincere. I actually write it down there so I won't forget the idea that I came up with and if @Blue Flower wants to share an opinion about it then we can discuss it because I want to learn about Fi and Blue Flower really knows Fi better than me.

    If I'm not wanted here then I'll go of course. It's ok.
    That's your way of expressing that you want to know more about Fi? THIS?:

    Oh! Good to know! Now I know what did I do wrong. Thanks. So my solution is; ignoring Fi users needs, let them help themselves on their own even though they beg me for help. I shouldn't even care if their life is in danger.
    Please stop with the games. You already joked about INFPs committing suicide in the last thread. If you have the discipline enough to manage it, I don't want to deal with any more snark around here, so please take it elsewhere. Your comments initiated a lot of hostility in the last thread, which is what ended up getting it closed for review. So no, it's not welcome here in this thread, where as you can see so far, people have tried for reasonable discussion. I don't want it get de-railed because you need to make this about you and what bone you have to pick with INFP people.

    Thank you for understanding, and ciao.

  10. #20

    Quote Originally Posted by CountZero View Post
    Ah, I should've mentioned this straight away, but she passed away a little over a year ago. Her disability finally caught up with her.

    What did I love about her? Two things come to mind. For one, I could trust her absolutely. For me, trust is a prerequisite to love. She proved time and time again that she was trustworthy, and would always be there for me. It took a long time for me to trust her so completely, and it frustrated her initially. I had a lot of abandonment and betrayal in my past, so it wasn't easy for me to trust.

    The second reason is going to sound a bit sophomoric. She loved me. It was rare sensation for me, and intoxicating at that.

    What did she love about me? Like me she had abandonment issues, and I think having someone she could count on was novel. I was also very considerate of her emotions, and never tried to play games with her. Of course at this point I can't ask her...
    I'm so sorry, and I hope I haven't dredged up hard memories talking about it with you. If you feel like you need to step away or can't talk about her anymore, I'll understand. I'm sure she must have been so grateful to have enjoyed life with you. How are you doing now, by the way?

    I so feel you on the trust. It's a beautiful thing, to feel you can trust another innately - and so rare, isn't it? I find it interesting that it was the reverse for you guys! She needed to earn your trust initially. It's the other way around with my INFJ partner and me. And it makes sense about the abandonment and betrayal. So hard to bound back from that....But you did it! And I'm so glad she was there to help you through it.

    Love is indeed intoxicating. <3

    By the way, my INFJ partner and I have also had massive abandonment issues and betrayal issues as a result of childhood abuse. I wonder if having experienced this (both partners) and being INF-s draws the two together? That trust and innate love is so key!!

    I'm sending you my warmest wishes. Thank you for such a thoughtful reply!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I could probably try and dissect this more if you give some hypothetical examples of how you guys end up hurting each other. Like is it certain things he says that hurt your feelings and vice versa?
    It's actually more of things we don't do over things we say, although I can definitely come up with a few examples. I've not got my thinking cap on at the moment, so when I can put together something reasonably coherent (hahaha), I'll tag you again. Thanks so much for thinking on this!
    Ode to Trees, CountZero and Blue Flower thanked this post.


     
Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 46
    Last Post: 07-31-2019, 02:03 PM
  2. [INFJ] what other personality types are infjs more compatible with in relationships?
    By johnfreakinfj in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 08-14-2018, 07:28 PM
  3. [ISTJ] ISTJs, what type has worked best for you in a romantic/dating relationship?
    By Babolat in forum ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 05-12-2014, 01:33 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:04 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0