[INFP] INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't?

INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't?

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This is a discussion on INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hey guys, newer INFP member here who has a question about INFP relationships with INFJs. I made a similar thread ...

  1. #1

    INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't?

    Hey guys, newer INFP member here who has a question about INFP relationships with INFJs.

    I made a similar thread in the INFJ forum, which eventually got closed for review (some commenters thought it would be cool to break the very clear forum rules about "typism" and hate on INFPs -rolls eyes- ), but I believe in you guys and believe that you won't let this thread go the same route.

    As a bit of background, I am just recently out of a relationship with an INFJ man. We both loved each other immensely and had that addicting soul connection, but there were misunderstandings that built up and caused us both immense pain. (Both of us come from abusive backgrounds, so we've got quite sensitive souls, as well.) I eventually said we should both step back and take some time to work on ourselves and to work on understanding.

    I saw him again recently, and it was as though no time at all had passed. That intense longing and love was still there for both of us. I've always felt intuitively that my life is going to be with this man, or none at all. I truly believe that, and I cherish his beautiful soul deeply.

    That being said! I want to make sure that when I approach him to reconnect this time, it's done from a place of understanding of what went wrong and how better to reconnect. I got some great feedback from some INFJ members, but the borderline-abusive, generalizing comments certainly put a damper on things and skewed the discussion into unhelpful territory. That's why I hope to get a better perspective from you guys.

    Although let me be clear in advance...I know all you sweeties are probably going through tons of hardships in your lives. I know it's our INFP nature to understand sadness innately. As a fellow INFP, I respect that greatly and support you. But please avoid unnecessary and damaging generalizing typism here. If you do respond in such a manner, I can't say for sure that I will respond back, and I encourage you not to reply to others who might respond that way. You also risk breaking the forum rules, so just...why do it, y'know? We're all way better than that.

    Okay - anyway, the point of the thread!! I want to ask you about your relationships with INFJ people - specially romantic relationships, and especially if you are an INFP female who was in a relationship with an INFJ male.

    What were things that are/were hard for you with your INFJ partner? Hard, or upsetting, disturbing, etc.? Did you have any particular ways of working through it all or coping when you could not? Please also feel free to include the things that you enjoyed about the relationship with your INFJ partner. It would be nice to add a bit of positivity!

    Let's keep this civil, eh? I believe in you! Don't let us INFPs down! And I'm very much looking forward to hearing about your experiences.

    Thank you, guys!

    Edit: Most of our instances of miscommunication were simply that - miscommunication. And because both of us dislike fighting or arguments, rather than sitting and talking it out, we would often take time away to sort of lick our own wounds before coming back together. That was a big problem - that kind of avoidance of facing issues we encountered and waiting for things to go back to how they are/were when good. I think because we didn't know exactly what was going on as well, one or the other of us would also step away routinely, and it created a fear in the other party that we were losing each other, didn't trust each other, things like that. I understand this, but I think I do out of careful reflecting because of the time away from my partner. I'm asking this question now because I want to see if there were other possibilities that I missed and get a fuller perspective. I am absolutely sure there could have been!
    Last edited by DTsuDTsu; 02-17-2019 at 05:23 AM. Reason: To include information requested by member!
    Ode to Trees, colder and Zeta 97 thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I was in a relationship with an INFJ female for about 8 years. For the most part it was great, but there were a few hiccups. I trusted her completely (and she never gave me cause not to), but she insisted on having access to my phone. Maybe she had heard of too many cheaters hiding their affairs on their mobile. But I didn’t have anything to hide, and she likewise allowed me unfettered access to her phone and email, so I was OK with that.

    We did have a few fights, but we both hated conflict, so they were few and far between. Even after a fight, both of us tried to keep communication open and be considerate of each other. I was pretty relaxed about most things, but there were a few things I wouldn’t give on, and she came to respect my position on those issues. She was messier than I was (weird INFP/INFJ reversal) but I just learned to live with that.

    It might help if you told us what issues you had conflict over, or linked back to thread on the INFJ forum.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by CountZero View Post
    I was in a relationship with an INFJ female for about 8 years. For the most part it was great, but there were a few hiccups. I trusted her completely (and she never gave me cause not to), but she insisted on having access to my phone. Maybe she had heard of too many cheaters hiding their affairs on their mobile. But I didn’t have anything to hide, and she likewise allowed me unfettered access to her phone and email, so I was OK with that.

    We did have a few fights, but we both hated conflict, so they were few and far between. Even after a fight, both of us tried to keep communication open and be considerate of each other. I was pretty relaxed about most things, but there were a few things I wouldn’t give on, and she came to respect my position on those issues. She was messier than I was (weird INFP/INFJ reversal) but I just learned to live with that.

    It might help if you told us what issues you had conflict over, or linked back to thread on the INFJ forum.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Thank you so much for this!! I actually see a lot of my situation in yours!

    I can also understand why you would feel a bit uncomfortable about the phone access bit. She surely must have had some terrible experience with former partners, or even family, poor thing. I can understand that fear and need of security (which I also possess, actually - but I feel the phone bit would be a step too far). It must be really tough for the partner who is expected to do that, even if the other partner is also offering up her accounts freely, as well. I commend you both for taking care of each other like that!

    YES to the hate of conflict. Lord yes! But it's fantastic that you kept communication open and tried to think of each other. <3

    I edited my post to include some of the issues I noticed in our relationship...The thread on the INFJ forum isn't exactly super informative as to the issues I encountered, and I don't necessarily recommend reading it, as quite a few members took it as a chance to go off on INFPs over extreme examples that are not indicative of INFPs but rather any type who is unhealthy. :/ (Actually, there were some great points mentioned and drawn upon, as well. It's just that they might easily get lost in the mess of other stuff.)

    Thank you again for the reply!

    (By the way....the "I trusted her completely"....-nods- What is it about this pairing that makes the trust so innate? <3)

  4. #4

    INFP [Romantic] Relationships with INFJs - share what worked and what didn't?

    As far as communication is concerned, I *hate* having someone I love angry with me, so I try to resolve issues pretty quickly after they arise. She could let stuff fester a bit more, but would always bring things to me well before the breaking point.

    Our situation was a bit different than yours might be. She was very financially dependent on me (she was disabled), though she had some options if our relationship failed. That gave her a fairly strong incentive to work things out instead of allowing the relationship to fail. Even without that though, we had a very strong bond.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Ode to Trees, Blue Flower and DTsuDTsu thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by CountZero View Post
    As far as communication is concerned, I *hate* having someone I love angry with me, so I try to resolve issues pretty quickly after they arise. She could let stuff fester a bit more, but would always bring things to me well before the breaking point.

    Our situation was a bit different than yours might be. She was very financially dependent on me (she was disabled), though she had some options if our relationship failed. That gave her a fairly strong incentive to work things out instead of allowing the relationship to fail. Even without that though, we had a very strong bond.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    I know what you mean...The fear and insecurity starts building up, right? Hate to leave things sitting and brewing. But do you feel that it could be difficult to be neutral or without emotion in such instances?

    And I see what you mean! It's true that our situation is a bit different. But I do believe that if people genuinely care for each other, they'll want to work things out no matter what. :)

    What are some things you really love about her? And that you think she'd say she loves about you?

  6. #6
    INFP

    Get out, now.

    Joking lol.

    But if you search up INFP/INFJ relations many threads on this topic will pop up since it has been a topic of interest many times on this forum. I'm sure many relating experiences can be found in them.
    DTsuDTsu thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by DTsuDTsu View Post
    I made a similar thread in the INFJ forum, which eventually got closed for review (some commenters thought it would be cool to break the very clear forum rules about "typism" and hate on INFPs -rolls eyes- ), but I believe in you guys and believe that you won't let this thread go the same route.
    I just wanted to offer some support in regards to other thread. *hug* What a callous bunch. Despite the efforts you made, they were cold as hell towards you. Fe fail on their part, lol! Sorry it's not much of a response towards your other issue but that subforum, there's nothing you can say to them. Let them stew in their own mud. x
    Ode to Trees, tinyheart, Blue Flower and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Get out, now.

    Joking lol.

    But if you search up INFP/INFJ relations many threads on this topic will pop up since it has been a topic of interest many times on this forum. I'm sure many relating experiences can be found in them.
    Haha, that bad, is it?

    No, I'm only joking, too. But yes, I did do a bit of research and saw some threads. None of them quite got to what I was looking for, I suppose. Now you might ask me what I'm looking for exactly, and like a true INFP, I don't know! I know only that I'll know when I find it! ;)

    No, the other thread in the INFJ forum did have some good information. Unfortunately it went downhill and the thread of discussion got lost in the mess. Otherwise, if people hadn't become so ranty about INFPs, I don't doubt a lot more could have been considered and discovered!

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by mushr00m View Post
    I just wanted to offer some support in regards to other thread. *hug* What a callous bunch. Despite the efforts you made, they were cold as hell towards you. Fe fail on their part, lol! Sorry it's not much of a response towards your other issue but that subforum, there's nothing you can say to them. Let them stew in their own mud. x
    Hey thank you! That's very kind! -hugs back-

    I'm aware that I somewhat set myself up for it by the title I chose (but I couldn't change or edit it after the first day, and the first day - aside from some truly nasty comments - had otherwise been fairly productive and informative). But the fact that some of the members took it as a chance to refer to extremes that had nothing to do with personal relationships or even INFPs specifically, and then told me I was being "defensive" and "distancing myself from the group"....LOL, I knew I was talking to a brick wall by that point. When someone's saying, "INFPs always think they're right and that's it" and they're all a certain way no matter what, but then refuses to discuss the point or any others with you, it's like...Wait? Who is the one who is being "my way or the highway" here? Also, I just don't get why people would want to be outright nasty the way some were. Okay, okay...But there are typism rules on the forum to begin with. It's one thing to be like, "ALL INFPS ARE SHITE!" and totally another to say, "Well, sorry if this is rude, but I feel like INFPs can be pretty shite."

    Easy peasy, one would think! Hahaha.

    In any case, there were some kind members who offered great feedback, and my supposed "defensiveness", which was more an attempt to offer possible insight into our side and explain some of the proposed INFP annoying behaviors, helped at least one INFJ member, who was able to look at it from a different point of view and understand things better. That's more than what I'd hoped for it to be! I'd just been looking for INFJ's thoughts, but having been able to bring an INFP view into it to help offer possibilities into why INFPs reacted the way they did in some of the anecdotes provided...? That had been lovely! Too bad it all went to hell.

    Nevertheless, while I'm a bit disappointed the discussion couldn't continue in a civil manner, at least there were some takeaways! <3

    Thank you for the kind support!!
    mushr00m, Ode to Trees and Marvin the Dendroid thanked this post.

  10. #10

    I have no direct experience but just wanted to say I read your other thread and WOW! Oh my gosh.

    I have met some lovely INFJs here; a couple of my favorite posters are INFJ. The thread though reminded me of my not-so-healthy INFJ sister who has a sad tendency to say “Here, let me take you to pieces, elevate all your minor flaws to catastrophes that make you unlikable, and then remind you how I had to do it for your own good.” That thread is brutal. So sorry.

    Like I said there are some lovely INFJs here. Kind and sensible.
    Ode to Trees, Marvin the Dendroid and DTsuDTsu thanked this post.


     
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