[INFP] How can INFPs feel less and develop Extraverted Thinking more? - Page 2

How can INFPs feel less and develop Extraverted Thinking more?

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This is a discussion on How can INFPs feel less and develop Extraverted Thinking more? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by burningsoul Your straight forward question is quite hard to answer. Your introverted feeling preference is very very ...

  1. #11
    INFP

    Quote Originally Posted by burningsoul View Post
    Your straight forward question is quite hard to answer. Your introverted feeling preference is very very valuable and theoretically speaking, you need to discover that value before you move on to develop your inferior functions. A lot of TJ in the world makes the world extremely mechanical. Always remember that you bring a kind of emotional life to wherever you go. A new place might seem cripplingly strange, but with time the feeling of familiarity will emerge. It is hard for me as well right now. I joined a gym last week and it is a struggle to overcome he feeling of embarrassment every evening before I move towards the gym. The rewards will be awesome. One thing that infps cherish a lot is freedom and moving out of your home will bring you personal freedom along with personal growth. You can look at it as an adventure if it suits you. Don’t stress too much about developing Te. In fact, be aware not to develop it too much. Pay attention to Si - habit. The physical comfort to follow a new routine. It won’t establish in a day. Infps are known to take longer to adjust to new situations. Once we do, we bring a human quality to our effort and presence that is quite valuable in itself. Be aware of your awkwardness, don’t try too hard, do the bare minimum and once you accomplish this much, you will know what to do next.

    The gist of the message is, take it easy, on the work, on the feelings. Let things be as they are. Start going out. Don’t wait till you ‘feel like it’. Do what you are supposed to. Feelings will follow.

    I wish you good luck. If you don’t mind me asking, what is it that you are going to do?
    thank you very much for your answer!
    i can relate to you, i also have some feelings of insecurity when i go to the gym. but as you wrote, as you make it a habit, you and your Si will feel more relaxed about it. good luck and keep it up! :)
    i think it's generally a good tip to also concentrate on the Si. I've had my struggles with that, as I also relied to much on my Si when bad situations happened or things didn't turn out as I wanted them to. Si can keep you from moving on. But used in a right way, it's helpful.
    To your question: I'm currently student, but still living at home with my family and commuting to my university (takes about one hour per direction). I want to take myself a room in the city where my university is because i need a little bit more freedom and don't like commuting. In order to afford that, I need to take up a part time job (i want to get one in tutoring and/or working in a bar). It's a little hard to make plans, because I've had experiences with taking up jobs and quitting them right after because some things there didn't allign with my values. i got better at this, but still, it takes time and work.
    neutralchaotic and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  2. #12
    INFP

    Quote Originally Posted by buttons1 View Post
    Oh hey that's my main function, maybe I can help!

    There are a few tricks to planning, I'll try to break it down for you.

    Step 1: The first thing about planning is you need to have a goal. You're planning for something or to achieve something, and if that's not clear on your mind, you'll find yourself running in circles. So let's do this step-by-step. Take a piece of paper. Write down everything you want to achieve. From "doing the dishes" to "getting a PhD". Write it all down.

    Step 2: break it down by level of complexity. This can seem tricky but it's easy to do once you get started. Just ask yourself, "On a scale of dishes-to-PhD, where would I place this?". No, really. Try it. This is important because the more complex a task is, the more you need to break it down, but we'll get to that in a bit.

    Step 3: Let's work with the simple stuff first. Chores! Maybe you find yourself overwhelmed by them, and you catch yourself thinking "I need to wash the clothes and do the homework and write an email and [...]" and in the end you do nothing at all because you're always thinking about the next thing. Calm down. Deep breaths. The trick here is that you should build your goals to be as specific as you possibly can. Allow me to explain!

    Pretend you just met a friend you haven't seen in a while. You guys really want to catch up, but you have to go soon, so you go "Let's meet up sometime!". You know what the odds of you meeting them are? Close to zero. A "let's meet up" might as well be a "see you when chance desires". But what if you go "I'm going to a bar near my office on friday after work, why don't you join me?", well. That friend might show up.

    That's how goals should always be: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. SMART as a mnemonic! If you know where and when and what are you gonna do, then your goal quits being vaporwave and becomes something tangible you can acheive. And that works for everything! Treat your chores as you would treat that friend you wanna meet. Don't just plan to "wash dishes", plan to "wash dishes every day after lunch". Don't just plan to "do homework", plan to "answer questions 1 to 3, take a coffee break, and then answer questions 4 to 10, between 14h and 16h".

    Step 4: Leave yourself room! That's how you plan for the unplanned: you always schedule a task for longer than you think it'll take. Takes you 1 hour to do the dishes? Plan for 1h30. Takes you 2 hours for homework? Plan for 3h. That's because you never know. Maybe the phone will ring. Maybe you'll have to go out. And if that happens, you start snowballing into the next task's time and your plan falls apart. So give yourself some burner time, and if it turns out you don't need it, you can always take a longer break or move on ahead to the next task.

    Step 5: Build habits! Now see, this is interesting. The process of making and unmaking habits is a fascinating one because of what it entails. Let me explain: a habit is always made of three things: a trigger, an action and a reward. For instance: you hear a notification (trigger), you unlock your phone and read the message (action) and you get to talk with your friends (reward).

    So if you want to build a habit, just give something a tangible trigger and a good reward. Allow yourself some sort of break after each completed task. That's what keeps you going! Controversely, if you want to break a habit, just remove the trigger! Put that phone on silent and you won't check the message.

    Once you are aware of that, you get this very powerful tool to sculpt your life into what you want it to be, because you see, every time you try to start something, your brain does this kinda motivation check, and that's very often where you give up. But if you turn a thing into an automated habit, you skip that step. You don't need motivation to brush your teeth. You don't need motivation to shower. You just do it. And once you turn anything into a habit, that's how it goes. You might need a lot of motivation to sit down and study now, but once you do it every day, it just becomes this thing you automatically do. Habits are good.

    Step 6: Break it down, prioritize, break it down, prioritize. There's no such thing as a complex goal that can't be broken down to steps. Moving out? That's terrifying. What does that entail? Break it down: (1) you need a place to live, (2) you need a source of income. Break it down: a place to live means you have to look for somewhere to rent. Break it down: the place has to be affordable and close enough to work that you don't spend a ton on transportation.

    Whoops! We've hit a snag here. Turns out both the location you're gonna look for a place and how much you can afford to pay for rent are dependant on your job. So what you thought was goal 1 is actually goal 2! Prioritize! Now things are looking like this: (1) source of income; (2) place to live. Break it down: to get a job you need a CV, a knowledge of what kind of job you want, and a potential employer. Break it down:for a CV you need a list of your skills and achievements, and a base knowledge of how CVs are structured.

    So that's how things are looking: learn how to make a CV > make a CV > decide what you want in a job (break it down: wage? hours? paid vacations?) > look for potential employers > send your CV > prepare yourself for interviews > go to interviews > get job > look for places to live.

    A bit less intimidating, right? Keep breaking it down until it's all achievable bits. Keep prioritizing until all prerequisites for the next task are met. It's less of a list and more of a flowchart, really. Remember each little piece you broke a big task into is a goal in itself and should be treated as such: set objective, specify, schedule, act.

    That's all I can think of, but let me know if you need further explanations. Hope it helped!
    thanks a lot for your answer, it really helps!

  3. #13
    Unknown

    You'll have a better chance at growth by developing towards TP than TJ, most likely.
    TJ thinking is opposite both in attitude and function, it suppresses adaptability and is too subjective in nature, like tunnel vision, which is opposite of the INFP true nature of seeking expansion. TP thinking will help you detach from your emotions in a productive way that will allow you to think more critically and have better logic consistency, which will ultimately be a good tool to get things done without stress. Of course there are some common elements between the TJ and TP T, but the overall attitude matters.
    silvs and Negotiator thanked this post.

  4. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Panda View Post
    You'll have a better chance at growth by developing towards TP than TJ, most likely.
    TJ thinking is opposite both in attitude and function, it suppresses adaptability and is too subjective in nature, like tunnel vision, which is opposite of the INFP true nature of seeking expansion. TP thinking will help you detach from your emotions in a productive way that will allow you to think more critically and have better logic consistency, which will ultimately be a good tool to get things done without stress. Of course there are some common elements between the TJ and TP T, but the overall attitude matters.
    One thing I noticed about the SMART advice given was the time limit part. To this day, deadlines make me stressed (which is why I mentioned I hate packing for vacations). Time limits are a J thing. My lists have a “What do I feel like doing today” element.

    Life has deadlines that can’t be avoided, but I try not to add more to that.
    Blueberryskies, silvs, neutralchaotic and 1 others thanked this post.


     
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