[INFP] Do You Feel Like You Make Boring Company?

Do You Feel Like You Make Boring Company?

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This is a discussion on Do You Feel Like You Make Boring Company? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Okay. This is a big problem for me. I suck at conversation. The only time its kinda okay is when ...

  1. #1

    Do You Feel Like You Make Boring Company?

    Okay. This is a big problem for me. I suck at conversation.

    The only time its kinda okay is when I first meet them. That way theres questions to lead with and to go on about. But after that I'm complete shit.

    I run out of ideas of what to do because I'm really a watching tv shows online and playing games kind of person and not so much lets go out in public and look for clothes and watch a movie and i'm NOT "I know where we can eat" type of person.

    If theres an agenda already as a premise to hanging out, then yes. I can do it because at least we dont both have nothing to do and nothing to talk about. I can talk about what we need to do. Its better.

    At the end of it I feel terrible that this person's still my friend for how awkward it was. Especially if were both introverts. I realized, shit I'm bad at being fun.

    Any of you guys maybe have this same problem? Not necessarily to the same extreme degree.
    GusWriter, Froody Blue Gem, Pizzafari and 1 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    No

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Surreal Snake View Post
    No
    It says youre INFJ.

  4. #4

    Hmm, I can somewhat relate to this. I'm sort of a blank slate on my own, and I need the other person to toss me a bone first to trigger my Ne. Once my Ne gets going, however, you can't stop me. I know I'm super interesting. If we can't get it going though, and I do not feel comfortable or accepted as I am -- yes, I think I can be perceived as boring and even might think I actually am if it goes on for too long.

    For many of my S friends (and I use that term friends lightly), the doing of things is their entire identity, so if I am not doing a lot of things externally or coming up with things for us to do, they automatically assume I have nothing going on in my life. I do feel the pressure.

    I used to date a guy who would ask me where we should eat, what we were going to do... every. single. day. He loved doing stuff, and I felt completely stupid for just not knowing these things. I did eventually learn to work on this; however, coming up with things to do will never be my strength. It is good to have a spouse and a couple of friends who understand that about me. In other words, maybe it's not (all) you, it's them.
    Idoa, Creator 22, DevilSlayerDante and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    It says youre INFJ.
    Yea

  6. #6

    No.

    I have a lot of odd things floating in my head throughout the day, so I usually bring up one or two of them in conversation. That's after catching up with their life, and sitting for a while just enjoying each other's silent presence. I don't believe others expect to me to talk their heads off, and I don't feed into that hypothetical expectation. Many of my friendships grow/have grown in silence. If I can't just sit and people watch, or feel the breeze, or amble around a garden, then that's not a good friendship for me.

    My interests are fairly broad, though, and I read a lot of articles that are interesting to me, so I nearly always have something that I want to talk about, it's just a matter of feeling like opening my mouth.

    Silence isn't boring, though.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    Okay. This is a big problem for me. I suck at conversation.

    The only time its kinda okay is when I first meet them. That way theres questions to lead with and to go on about. But after that I'm complete shit.

    I run out of ideas of what to do because I'm really a watching tv shows online and playing games kind of person and not so much lets go out in public and look for clothes and watch a movie and i'm NOT "I know where we can eat" type of person.

    If theres an agenda already as a premise to hanging out, then yes. I can do it because at least we dont both have nothing to do and nothing to talk about. I can talk about what we need to do. Its better.

    At the end of it I feel terrible that this person's still my friend for how awkward it was. Especially if were both introverts. I realized, shit I'm bad at being fun.

    Any of you guys maybe have this same problem? Not necessarily to the same extreme degree.
    What kind of tv shows and vidya games you play and watch?

  8. #8

    Speech craft isn't too hard but the lack of common interests with most people turns them off after the usual small talk has been exhausted. Too many people are not inter the deeper things beyond the usual entertainments like sports, movies, shows, and relationships ect. Very easy to make eyes glaze over when history or tech comes up but the one subject that always does it without fail is spirituality.
    Creator 22 and Froody Blue Gem thanked this post.

  9. #9
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by The Edwardian Spirit View Post
    Speech craft isn't too hard but the lack of common interests with most people turns them off after the usual small talk has been exhausted. Too many people are not inter the deeper things beyond the usual entertainments like sports, movies, shows, and relationships ect. Very easy to make eyes glaze over when history or tech comes up but the one subject that always does it without fail is spirituality.
    This was exactly what I was going to say. Itís more the topics that I struggle with. I feel like I donít click with a lot of people because I donít enjoy talking about regular topics :P

    I heard someone talking about their diet for our entire lunchtime walk today. The thought of being in that conversation almost made me dose off, but then thatís the only way I feel like I can relate to more people, if that makes sense! My interests just donít seem to correlate with other people. Sometimes I canít wait to get away so I can talk to myself instead as ridiculous as that sounds haha!


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Idoa, Blue Flower and The Edwardian Spirit thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    Okay. This is a big problem for me. I suck at conversation.

    The only time its kinda okay is when I first meet them. That way theres questions to lead with and to go on about. But after that I'm complete shit.
    Dont do that. Stop doing that. That is a filler. Don’t use fillers in your conversations. They will kill your appetite for talking.

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    I run out of ideas of what to do because I'm really a watching tv shows online and playing games kind of person and not so much lets go out in public and look for clothes and watch a movie and i'm NOT "I know where we can eat" type of person.
    There are two things here. First is, you don’t hold the responsibility of making things interesting, no matter how painfully you feel that you do. Second, it is extremely important to be comfortable in your own skin. Before others try to be a good company to yourself. Try spending time without watching tv or playing games, just be with yourself and do something. May be something physical. Take a walk in the park. Relax. Learn to relax and stay relaxed.

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    If theres an agenda already as a premise to hanging out, then yes. I can do it because at least we dont both have nothing to do and nothing to talk about. I can talk about what we need to do. Its better.
    Staying without an agenda and staying with yourself, without whipping your feelings with that overcharged intuition, that is the name of the game. Stay with your physical body, physical sensations. See how boring other people are! Try to have a boring conversation.

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    At the end of it I feel terrible that this person's still my friend for how awkward it was. Especially if were both introverts. I realized, shit I'm bad at being fun.
    Having fun is wayyyyyyyyyy overrated. And surviving awkwardness amidst introvert is a sure way of having conversations that are important and mean something to you. Feeling connected with someone, even without words sometimes is beautiful.

    Most importantly, what are the things you want to talk about? Your desire to actually talk to people will be your leading light. I don’t buy that an infp can be a bad talker. You just haven’t opened up that side of yours yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by WintersFlame View Post
    Any of you guys maybe have this same problem? Not necessarily to the same extreme degree.
    Yes, I was excruciatingly shy throughout college. I had an abysmal self confidence and I have regretted that my whole life and will regret it further. Don’t make that a reality for yourself. Do something about it!
    Blue Flower and Aryath thanked this post.


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