[INFP] Trying to be more outspoken (but is being sweet so bad?) - Page 3

Trying to be more outspoken (but is being sweet so bad?)

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This is a discussion on Trying to be more outspoken (but is being sweet so bad?) within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I was terribly shy as a child and became more outspoken over the years. To be honest, the biggest thing ...

  1. #21

    I was terribly shy as a child and became more outspoken over the years. To be honest, the biggest thing is to find your sense of humor and embrace that. For example I have a very precise way of describing the absurd, which works because I'm quite expressive. But many INFPs seem good at goofy explorations and zingy rants.

    I'm all for a bit of posturing every now and then, but I agree with others that your sweet side should also be accepted. There are days when my INTP bf is having his nerdy rambles and I'm just kinda listening. If I were outgoing all the time I think that would just be too much for him.
    saph, Blue Flower and Zeta 97 thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by saph View Post
    Reading all of your replies has been such a good reminder of what matters. I really appreciate everyone taking time to comment on what I posted. I'm trying to push myself to try new things every day and figure out new aspects of myself. Hopefully I'll be able to contribute to this community in a new light!
    @Sily I think you're right that it would be a mistake to change myself to suit anyone else's preference. I do consider doing this sometimes, but I don't want to lose who I am. It's odd because I realized that I mostly do love myself, and so the conflict within me is more of "I love myself but he didn't" and it's like my brain does not compute. I am really comforted by knowing that other people who are similar to me have found a fulfilling partnership. Thank you for your wish of good luck haha but I'm not going to go down that 'pretending and changing' path. I'd much rather be myself.
    @Daughter of Elysium Thank you for sharing your perspective on this! I think this line of what you said about other people, and after reading it in your reply to me I just really want to absorb it and not be so hard on myself anymore.

    I'd also like to tell you that your value doesn't change because of other people's inability to recognize it. You are what you are and that is good enough. Always remember that!

    And haha you are so on point about the inner world thing. The times I tried to share it with him he didn't respond very well, so that should have been a signal to me. But I was looking at it through rose colored glasses. Do you have any tips on how to be more objective even when your heart is involved? Because I read things about red flags in dating and he had a few of them now looking back, but at the time I was like, "oh yes I can see how this is a red flag. But good thing we're stable". Idealism can help make the worst things into new opportunities, but it can also really go the wrong way too. You actually just reminded me- I have a friend who's also outspoken, and her tendency to question everything and challenge people has caused her a lot of grief with her family. I think the root of the conflict is just that they're not the right people for her- like you said, we are what we are and that is enough. I know you're probably doing totally fine but I am sorry that people have been harsher to you than they would be if you didn't speak up so much. As someone who's still learning to find my voice I just want to wave from the other slightly quieter side and say I admire you for having the confidence to speak.

    I experienced the same as you do now. That's why I know where you come from :D You know we INFP's are very romantic and like to put our partners on a pedestal. I would strongly advise you to learn to listen to your gut feeling. It knows the truth before the mind is ready to accept the truth. That's easier said than done because we live in a society that values ​​the mind more than the gut feeling. Red flags are usually the first sign that something is seriously wrong. You've also mentioned that you have idols, right? Here is a fun exercise: collect imaginary allies and ask yourself what would they say to you in this situation? What advice would they give to you? Talk to your friends or even ask anonymously on the Internet. If you have multiple opinions, it will help you to see a situation in a more objective way. Rely on the advice that feels right for you. If nothing helps and you still get hurt: I have notes with my favorite quotes at the mirror, on the desk or at places that I often look at in order to remind me that I am precious. They help me in crisis situations a lot!
    Last edited by Daughter of Elysium; 05-20-2019 at 01:34 PM.

  3. #23

    This is coming from my experience, but I understand how you feel. I'm not very outspoken either, but I can if I want to be. I actually almost lost a friend because I wasn't expressing my emotions or opinions often by being silent or giving awkward laughs. I just don't have strong opinions on some of the things people talk about so it makes it hard for me to continue a conversation.

    There is nothing wrong with trying to grow and become more out there, but you don't want to change yourself completely just to satisfy someone else. That same friend who was concerned about our friendship also said that he'll accept me no matter who I am. (We talked to each other about it and cleared things up. Now we know where each person is coming from). So, it is important to find what you value more and know that the people who deserves you are the people who will accept you no matter who you are. It's hard because I know a lot of people are looking for others who are more outspoken, but there will be someone out there who will love your sweet mellow self.
    saph thanked this post.

  4. #24

    You spoke my mind. Iam wondering the same. How to actively involve while your mind just basically goes onto observe every person's inner feelings?
    saph thanked this post.

  5. #25

    I could try and help you with it - being outspoken is just the (in)famous ENTJ bulldozer nature - but I actually need a bit more information for that.

    Like where exactly do you hit a snag? I'm not sure I understand what the issue is here. Can you give me an example of a situation where you acted one way and wished you acted in a different manner?
    saph and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  6. #26

    Girl don't change! Be who you are there is nothing wrong with being sweet and kind and not super outspoken. I think it's true what they say people become slightly more outspoken over time. When I was younger I was super shy and never really spoke much, now if I'm with my friends I am probably the goofiest weirdest person making all the jokes(but only with my friends and family). With other people, I am still more reserved. I too am working on being slightly more outspoken and not bottle things up. Also, u will find a guy one day that will sweep you off your feet and appreciate your sweet side and love you for who u are, outspoken or not. So skrew those other guys they dono what they are missing, cause you are an amazing person and it's their losses for leaving u...
    Last edited by Zeta 97; 05-26-2019 at 07:02 AM.
    saph thanked this post.

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