[INFP] Do You Loiter Around Exes? - Page 3

Do You Loiter Around Exes?

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This is a discussion on Do You Loiter Around Exes? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Yeah, back before married, it was always tempting. I didn't let that many people in so relationships were some of ...

  1. #21

    Yeah, back before married, it was always tempting. I didn't let that many people in so relationships were some of the few people who knew much about me. But it's a bad idea, those feelings still fresh and swirling around. It's a good way to have to break up 3 or 4 times with the same person.
    Blue Flower and Moby thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by GusWriter View Post
    Yeah, back before married, it was always tempting. I didn't let that many people in so relationships were some of the few people who knew much about me. But it's a bad idea, those feelings still fresh and swirling around. It's a good way to have to break up 3 or 4 times with the same person.
    I’ve done that! I’ve DONE that!

    It sucks. I don’t recommend it.

  3. #23

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby View Post
    It goes beyond that a little. I don't feel necessary to elaborate, but her constant contact was causing me to act out in a slightly self-destructive fashion and I told her. She backed away for a month and then emailed me again. Which ended up in the polite ask to be left alone and a reminder of how toxic it was to me. When she asked to meet me in person for undisclosed reasons, knowing full well how that put me into a small spiral the last time we met in person, I semi-snapped and told her to "go now" as I disclosed.

    At least she's been gone in the few weeks since.
    Well, for me.... I had a relationship that I sort of knew wasn’t going to work. We just were a bad match. But, he was a nice guy, I liked him. I was going through a difficult transition with a bunch of friends and what I really wanted was to hang out with this guy for a while until I felt my feet were under me and then eventually break up and move on.

    Since there was absolutely no talk of marriage, or kids, or being “the one” or anything like that, I possibly would have been in the clear just sort of keeping this info tucked away. But being compulsively honest, I sort of told him I didn’t see it lasting and then... I dunno, expected him to stay? Which he did for a time til he woke up one day and went “Hey, what the heck?” And we broke up.

    Well, once we broke up, I realized I had really no foundation. That isn’t like me, that is not my norm, but I’d had a bunch of social circle losses all at once and I was in no place for a breakup.

    So, I kept trying to get back, or be friends, or maybe date casually. It was a mess. I was in the wrong but I was also in a bad spot. He was a nice guy but a bad match. It got a bit ugly.

    Be firm. Be kind. Stay away. I wish I hadn’t done what I did, to him and to me. I felt bad about it but couldn’t stop myself because, honestly, I was lonely.

    My guess is there is some underlying thing here with her that causes her to keep trying. You don’t have to humor her.

  4. #24

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby View Post
    It goes beyond that a little. I don't feel necessary to elaborate, but her constant contact was causing me to act out in a slightly self-destructive fashion and I told her. She backed away for a month and then emailed me again. Which ended up in the polite ask to be left alone and a reminder of how toxic it was to me. When she asked to meet me in person for undisclosed reasons, knowing full well how that put me into a small spiral the last time we met in person, I semi-snapped and told her to "go now" as I disclosed.

    At least she's been gone in the few weeks since.
    She might have realized that she made a mistake. You mentioned in other posts that she was insecure about you two and about many aspects of her life. She has been rather flippant. I would not be surprised then that she made a rush decision due to insecurities. However, your train left the station, but she is still lingering on the platform. I have never been in such situation. The only thing I can think of in the regards of meeting someone (including friends and relatives) is when I realized that I caused a hurt to apologize after a bad fallout. But, that would have to be someone that I love very much.
    Blue Flower and Moby thanked this post.

  5. #25
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    Well, for me.... I had a relationship that I sort of knew wasn’t going to work. We just were a bad match. But, he was a nice guy, I liked him. I was going through a difficult transition with a bunch of friends and what I really wanted was to hang out with this guy for a while until I felt my feet were under me and then eventually break up and move on.

    Since there was absolutely no talk of marriage, or kids, or being “the one” or anything like that, I possibly would have been in the clear just sort of keeping this info tucked away. But being compulsively honest, I sort of told him I didn’t see it lasting and then... I dunno, expected him to stay? Which he did for a time til he woke up one day and went “Hey, what the heck?” And we broke up.

    Well, once we broke up, I realized I had really no foundation. That isn’t like me, that is not my norm, but I’d had a bunch of social circle losses all at once and I was in no place for a breakup.

    So, I kept trying to get back, or be friends, or maybe date casually. It was a mess. I was in the wrong but I was also in a bad spot. He was a nice guy but a bad match. It got a bit ugly.

    Be firm. Be kind. Stay away. I wish I hadn’t done what I did, to him and to me. I felt bad about it but couldn’t stop myself because, honestly, I was lonely.

    My guess is there is some underlying thing here with her that causes her to keep trying. You don’t have to humor her.
    I appreciate your heartfelt response. I will be firm. My sense is similar to how you and @Ode_To_Trees replied. My intuition tells me she still has some residual feelings for me. However, she's a poor communicator and she gets anxious a lot and I think she's struggling with her feelings and also what to do with them.

    I think there's a few other things a bit more dark. I think she hoped I would beg to have her back, in some Romeo and Juliet type event, but I was never the kind of guy to do that. I know her other exes did that. I do also think she liked my attention and my intuitive EQ I shared with her - I've told you I felt she was almost addicted to that in our relationship.
    Last edited by Moby; 05-29-2019 at 08:24 PM.
    Ode to Trees and Blue Flower thanked this post.


     
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