[INFP] Making things happen for yourself

Making things happen for yourself

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This is a discussion on Making things happen for yourself within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Do you find that you have to make things happen for yourself or they do not happen at all? This ...

  1. #1

    Making things happen for yourself

    Do you find that you have to make things happen for yourself or they do not happen at all?

    This might be more of the 6 in me than the INFP in me... but, usually there's just like this blank slate of where I want to go or what I want to do (who I want to BE is much, much clearer to me). Anyway, I struggle with knowing how much of the doing I am responsible for and how much will just happen by me being.

    I think the "being" concept is foreign to most I know, but I think they're wrong. Lol. I really have to fight this thought because I hate laziness and that is what it seems like on the outside or could even turn into if I were to let it.

    Do you think if you are becoming the person you are supposed to be that the rest of it will just work itself out?

    I'm not saying that I NEVER do anything (I try to do little things all the time that are hard for me or scare me), but maybe like 20% doing (and only when I KNOW I am supposed to) and 80% being (and most of the doing has to do with being?).

    Or... is this just unhealthy thinking?
    attic, GusWriter, Eren Jaegerbomb and 3 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    if you don't do it yourself, nobody is going to make it happen for you my philosophy

  3. #3
    INFP

    Ma'am -- this is my philosophy - - ->> if I leave jobs or tasks, to do, to other human beings, they will always, usually, either -- not get completed at all -- or be completed in such a shabby way, that it is either dangerous or embarrassing to my soul.

    I am also the same about information gathering. I hardly ever, ask for help. I never ask for advice. Why? Because after decades and decades of finding out things on my own, I finally decide to give another human a chance to offer an answer to a question I have and it turns out that their advice/information/idea is soooooooo poor and ramshackle and vomit-inducing, that I want to kill myself.

    One must take control of everything. Leave NOTHING, to the whims, of any other hideously, warty humanoid figure. If you want your life done right ---> you do it yourself. NEVER let anyone else drive. You know why? Because they good and well are going to crash your car and you will DIE.
    GusWriter, Eren Jaegerbomb, twirler and 2 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    For my own life, I see it as more of recognizing and taking opportunities. This is how things "Happen" for me. Sometimes, I have not recognized an opportunity and not taken it so that thing doesn't happen. Or I have been too uncertain to take the opportunity.

    I have never gotten a raise or moved up in the company unless I asked for it when the opportunity was right. I am good at utilizing an unexpected situation. I ended up asking my husband out because I just wanted to know were we stood instead of endlessly circling each other in longing.

    I am now in a position in work where I lead a team and work with outside contractors to get a specific thing done by a certain time. So, I have to be constantly evaluating how the thing is happening and what direction I can give to my team to get this to happen. I feel like it is an almost constant fluid process. I will make a decision in the morning and tell my team that this is the plan but it could change. Due to the nature of the job, it pretty much always does. I have different combinations of people for each job so some are more open to it and able to deal with it than others.

    I think of all the team leads in my area, I am probably the most fluid and open recognizing when things change and dealing with them. Most of the other team leads are more like this is the way things will be done. I think I am more fluid on the outcome, able to recognize that there are multiple favorable outcomes and we will get to one and the way we take could differ from my original plans.

    I have gotten better at leaning on other people and trusting them to do the job that needs to be done. Previously, I was pretty big on if it needs to get done, do it yourself. I am just not able to physically do everything.

    _____________

    In response to your question: Do you think if you are becoming the person you are supposed to be that the rest of it will just work itself out?

    From my experience, I am not able to believe that there is a person I am supposed to be. There is no point where I get to sit back and say this is the person I am supposed to be. I have always longed to be complete like that but I won't be. I will keep changing and evolving or devolving until I die. In some ways, I am becoming a "Better" person and in some ways, I am becoming a "worse" person. In the ways I am becoming a "worse" person, I think I am getting further away from my ideal. I am seeing that this is healthier for me so who knows?

    I think things work themselves out no matter what, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst.
    twirler, ButIHaveNoFear, Blue Flower and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    I feel I go through life each day, and options are presented to me to choose from. Sometimes the length of time the choice is open is very gracious! It was almost too late for me to apply for the job I am currently in, but the people in charge found that they really wanted me.

    How I want to end up in life affects how I live each day, and it puts me in the realm of related options to get me there. I want to have a lifetime partner in marriage someday, so I am in a good state of mind to choose to spend time on developing strong relationships. I want to be financially secure, so I choose to budget, save, and invest wisely in things that will contribute to financial security (even though I'm increasing my debt a lot right now). If I wanted to do something I don't have a desire to do, like be an airplane pilot, I could start the train of thought and choices that get me to that place—except I don't want to. I would be a hard shift.

    If you are living as your authentic self, you might feel like you aren't actively doing something. You're flowing with your own current and not fighting to do something out of character, which means you're in a good environment because it allows you to be laid back. Some people have to work at living authentically—whether they have difficult living situations or they just don't know who they are—so they have a perception of constant hard work. It could also be a generational difference. People in the past worked very hard to achieve the kind of ease and comfort we can have nowadays.
    GusWriter, Nesta, twirler and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #6

    I doubt anyone is foolish enough to make my life happen when they have their own to worry about, so I put my energy into making my life into what it is purposed to be. My being and doing are intertwined. I am being myself by doing what I am supposed to be doing at any given moment. I do feel like I am standing still at times, even in the midst of my activity, but those are the moments in which I recognize that the results will be internal change first, then they will reveal themselves in my external behavior.
    GusWriter, Nesta, twirler and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #7

    @Nesta and @ButIHaveNoFear

    Thank you so much for what you said about opportunities and options. I knew there was a different way to view "taking control of my life." What you shared was helpful for me! Appreciate your perspectives!
    GusWriter, Nesta and ButIHaveNoFear thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Sily View Post
    Ma'am -- this is my philosophy - - ->> if I leave jobs or tasks, to do, to other human beings, they will always, usually, either -- not get completed at all -- or be completed in such a shabby way, that it is either dangerous or embarrassing to my soul.

    I am also the same about information gathering. I hardly ever, ask for help. I never ask for advice. Why? Because after decades and decades of finding out things on my own, I finally decide to give another human a chance to offer an answer to a question I have and it turns out that their advice/information/idea is soooooooo poor and ramshackle and vomit-inducing, that I want to kill myself.

    One must take control of everything. Leave NOTHING, to the whims, of any other hideously, warty humanoid figure. If you want your life done right ---> you do it yourself. NEVER let anyone else drive. You know why? Because they good and well are going to crash your car and you will DIE.
    You sound so xNTJ right now.
    Sily thanked this post.

  9. #9

    I used to be told quite often, "You can't just wait for the perfect conditions." And they were right. My sort of waiting attitude only ended when I felt things would go well, which delayed me from doing many things, such as: getting a job, giving gifts to people that weren't perfectly fitting them, and cooking dinner when not every ingredient was on hand.

    Eventually, I realize that there are things missing in my life that I really want, or something in my life that I'm not doing that's causing me a lot of trouble. That want is really what gets me to take the next step.

    Once that next step is taken, benefits are realized and routine tasks are performed because I feel that's the way it should be.



    Does that above process seem like it takes a long time? Yes it still does, and I'll likely struggle with getting things done for a long time to come.. I should take a page from the SPs and just get to doing things. Most everything falls into place after work is started.
    twirler and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by secondpassing View Post
    That want is really what gets me to take the next step.
    Ya, it seems that want is the ONLY thing that gets me to take the next step. It's not so much waiting for perfection - at least I don't think - as it is not being sure of the want. If I know, I tend to go after it. If I'm not sure, that's when I might not move when maybe I should.

    I see what you mean about just starting and moving like SPs. I do force myself to do that sometimes, but so far, I think it's like 50/50 on return. I have a hard time making myself just do things to do them -- I think it's similar to a problem I have sometimes with overthinking having fun or identifying what might be fun for me. Lol.
    L P and secondpassing thanked this post.


     
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