[INFP] INFP anger and resentment: Advice/tips on how to let that crap go

INFP anger and resentment: Advice/tips on how to let that crap go

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This is a discussion on INFP anger and resentment: Advice/tips on how to let that crap go within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I'm usually not an angry person, but I really get mad when people don't treat me right or violate a ...

  1. #1
    INFP

    INFP anger and resentment: Advice/tips on how to let that crap go

    I'm usually not an angry person, but I really get mad when people don't treat me right or violate a value (which I hear is typical INFP). I don't want to hold grudges or hold on to anger, so looking for advice from other INFPs on how they have managed/let go of anger and resentment. Including just changing perspective and easing up when people make mistakes. Or ways you have prevented anger from building up. Thanks!
    The Edwardian Spirit thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Vent is off in a safe and controlled manner even if people start hating you for it though do it either in private or somewhere that you can get away with it otherwise doing it on the job/school doesn't end well. I've reached the limits as far as being treated like crap and having my values violated in person but I just wait for my chance to escape it all. This world is hell for INFXs in general as most people are not like us in so many ways.

  3. #3

    If it's an acquaintance / unnecessary or loose contact: Their behavior is a reflection of their own expectations, which stem from their mindset. S'got nothing to do with me! It happened, it's over. I don't need to interact with this person anyway. I'm not going to let them borrow space in my head.

    If it's a friend / family member: Their behavior is a reflection of their own expectations, which stem from their mindset. S'got nothing to do with me! Mention their action that was wrong against me, give them an opportunity to apologize.

    Nothing much beyond that, though. I really don't like marinating in anger. I would rather discuss the issue, and be done with it. I am being 'wronged' right now at work, and it would be amazingly easy to stew in my feelings all day, but I save it for an hour-long period when the situation arises again [all sides of it can't be helped/eased], and then leave it behind the moment I get in my vehicle. I don't like it, but I would rather put that energy into controlling my response and saving my time for other things.
    odinthor and citygirl thanked this post.

  4. #4

    accepting its okay to be angry sometimes. Meditation- dont worry about your head being loud, you have to work shit out before it gets quiet.
    citygirl thanked this post.

  5. #5

    I mean this isn't really an INFP-specific thing, everyone gets mad when you don't treat them right or violate their values, it's more just that with INFPs our personal values are our guiding light through life and other things tend to get pushed by the wayside. But I can give you some some words from a resentment-dodging conflict-fleeing ennea-9 if that helps.

    The main thing to bear in mind is that in all things any one person does, they always believe what they're doing is the right thing to do. No-one thinks to themselves "I'm going to do the wrong thing today". No sane person in the world believes they're a bad person. If someone wrongs you, there was a reason behind it, and it's all about understanding that reason. Which isn't to say what they did was justified, only that they believe it was. And if you can understand what that reason was, you can come to understand the person a bit better, and if you imagine yourself in their shoes you'll likely find you can't blame them for doing what they did and it becomes hard to feel bitterness towards them. I think personality psychology is actually pretty good for learning to work people out, so you're in the right place.

    But also like has been said here, it's completely okay to be angry sometimes. It's a basic human emotion everyone feels and if you try to suppress it you'll just implode. Do vent when you're mad without causing any damage, but often the things that made you mad are all just a matter of perspective. Why did the thing that made you mad happen? There was a reason for it, you've just got to be able to see things from the perspective of the person/people who wronged you. There will also be plenty of people in your life who feel you've wronged them, when you feel nothing of the sort. From their perspective, they feel exactly how you did the last time someone trod on your own values. And then at some point in the future that person's going to make someone else feel like they've wronged them too. Etc etc. I'm rambling on a bit at this point but you get the idea.

    Edit: Oh but of course that all isn't to say you should be a pushover. Put your foot down and defend yourself if someone's being an asshole to you. But mutual understanding can kill pretty much any conflict in its tracks.
    Last edited by Pizzafari; 07-16-2019 at 02:42 PM.
    citygirl thanked this post.


     

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