[INFP] I Don't Know How to Be in Love

I Don't Know How to Be in Love

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11
Thank Tree30Thanks

This is a discussion on I Don't Know How to Be in Love within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; For the first time in my life, I've started to wonder if love is, perhaps, not real. I've been in ...

  1. #1

    I Don't Know How to Be in Love

    For the first time in my life, I've started to wonder if love is, perhaps, not real.

    I've been in a relationship for about 1.5 years now. I love her but I know she's not the one, and I don't think I'm in love with her. There are moments where I've felt ridiculously giddy and head-over-heels for her, but for the most part, they are few and in-between. In my past relationships, I feel like I enjoy the chase because it's new and exciting, but when the dust starts to settle in, I realize there are inherent incompatibilities that I have trouble getting over.

    I'm starting to wonder if the problem is my own impossibly high expectations for what love is. I know that soulmates aren't real and I don't believe in the "perfect match," but I always thought being in love would be more than anything I've ever felt.

    What does being in love feel like for you? And how do you know when it happens?
    AnneM and MissRevelant thanked this post.



  2. #2

    When I met my husband, he felt like home.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by drinkingthesky View Post
    For the first time in my life, I've started to wonder if love is, perhaps, not real.

    I've been in a relationship for about 1.5 years now. I love her but I know she's not the one, and I don't think I'm in love with her. There are moments where I've felt ridiculously giddy and head-over-heels for her, but for the most part, they are few and in-between. In my past relationships, I feel like I enjoy the chase because it's new and exciting, but when the dust starts to settle in, I realize there are inherent incompatibilities that I have trouble getting over.

    I'm starting to wonder if the problem is my own impossibly high expectations for what love is. I know that soulmates aren't real and I don't believe in the "perfect match," but I always thought being in love would be more than anything I've ever felt.

    What does being in love feel like for you? And how do you know when it happens?
    The exciting chase is the good part because you can still have hope for “impossible high expectations” but I definitely believe in love 🙂, I think it’s possible to be so happy with someone that you appreciate them everyday and literally can’t even imagine replacing them.
    I think being an INFP can make it difficult to be in love because of the high fantasy exceptions built in our minds,
    movies definetly don’t help us either so I think maybe your perception of what love should be let’s you down

    But I think being an INFP will make the love feel amazing when it happens because all your intense emotions will be centered around one person and they’ll prove your impossible fantasies wrong but in a different way

    It sounds like you don’t have this problem but I think I see a flawless version of the person I love - almost deluded and “perfect” version of them that makes them fit my fantasy ... it’s good and bad but I can’t help it 😬🤷‍♀️

  4. #4

    Give it time and until then self improvement working through whatever needs to be worked through but if all else it is ok to be single as it is not the end of the world as life doesn't require people to be in relationships. Looking for quality is like trying to win the lottery in 2019 due to society ruining whole generations of people with things like Tinder and facebook, so finding someone who might be worth the time is Much harder than it was where before you could at least get someone who was at least mature about things. The whole concept of soulmates in society is entirely incorrect that it is used for a single person as a match when the reality of it that there is multiple people for which there is compatibility though finding any of them is always a challenge. If it is to be then it will be so where life will have it to where you will find them or they will find you when the time is right in due season. Real love is about soul connection rather than just biology and chemicals so good luck.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    When I met my husband, he felt like home.
    This ^. Met my wife almost 12 years ago. Just knew she was the one. The mental lists of what I thought it would be all went out the window. And still get giddy sometimes.
    Nesta, Negotiator, L P and 3 others thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Of course you know how to love. We all do, but sometimes we forget that (the ability to) love needs to be nurtured.

    Here are a few thoughts on love (not that you asked for it but thanks for opening up the space to discourse).

    Love is real but it is the most difficult of all things to grasp. Most of us "practice" loving with a few partners across formative years. Loving another is the fine balance between accepting them as they are and guiding them to become the best expression of themselves. That is an act of commitment for those strong of heart. Such strength is developed by "practising" through loving others and working out both your limitations within the relationship, as long as you approach it with integrity. This also applies to loving oneself. Discard those expectations. To truly love someone, including yourself, is to have no expectations or any sort of return on your love. Don't mistake this for unrequited love. Finally, love and relationships are two different things. For love to survive in a relationship, communication is key.

    Perhaps it's not that you're no longer in love but that your love for her has evolved and it is time to face up to that? Having said that, to love someone is also having the courage to leave the relationship when you know your heart no longer belongs there.

    What does being in love feel like for you? And how do you know when it happens?
    I believe in soulmates in that I've met mine. As for how it happens—in my case, it creeped up on me. Slow but deliberate. I wasn't giddy at first. It felt agonizing and uncertain. I desired her presence in my life far more than what made me comfortable. My feelings were incongruent with our relationship, which was an intense and growing intellectual friendship. I can also tell you that if life had given us a chance at longevity, we'd grit and grind our teeth hard at each other daily, but we'd love each other fiercely too.

    Being giddy is only the start. Love ebbs and flows. There'll be months, sometimes years, where it feels only lukewarm. Those times are the deepening of love and communication. And then that giddiness and the little quirky dance in between your heartbeats, and the fullness will return, engulfing you from out of nowhere. For me, being in love, as you described, feels like "more than anything I've ever felt," but so much more because it made me stronger and better as a person. We showed up every day for each other as best we could. Our love made each other strong and constant, and we accomplished so much.
    Aletheia thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    When I met my husband, he felt like home.
    Yes. Just simply this. I was trying to elaborate and it was going nowhere. I just felt like he was a part of me and I knew him and he knew me. There was just this being with him that I had never felt with anyone else. He made me giddy and solidly safe at the same time. He was and always will be my home where ever we are.
    L P, ButIHaveNoFear and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP

    For me, it just happens. You don't ask yourself questions, you just know. And I'm going to say it, cuz, I believe it -- you never work at it. If you are having to work in and at your relationship, blood sweat & tears... You're in the wrong relationship. Love is never forced. It's like a fart cloud, always around you and ever so easy to smell. I wish you luck and I hope you get to experience true love.

  9. #9

    In previous relationships, I've felt how you feel. We'd be good together, but there wasn't enough of a feeling of 'being in love'. I kept getting stuck on this idea that if I walk down the aisle, will I be beaming? No. Took me quite a while to end my last relationship because I couldn't fully explain what was wrong.

    In my current relationship, everything is fantastic. Things are still as nice as when we first met - it's just natural because everything clicks.
    Blue Flower thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by drinkingthesky View Post
    What does being in love feel like for you?
    It feels like you weren't living before. You realize you weren't aware of how lively the colors are. Time goes slow motion. When you are away from your love it feels like you are dying, you can't eat, be happy, have fun, etc. but when you are close you feel like a flower that is under the sun. Even before your love didn't leave, you started to miss your love. You think of your love even when you are sleeping. You definitely want to spend the rest of your life with your love. You make long-term plans that involve your love. You can feel like your love is a part of you. Love makes you stupid. You can do anything for your love. Et cetera et cetera.

    how do you know when it happens?
    You don't know at first. Shit just happens and you slowly realize what is happening. You are always sure you are in love.
    L P thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Can an infj be manger in the world how it is? How can it be like?
    By fall in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 06-30-2019, 06:21 PM
  2. Replies: 13
    Last Post: 09-19-2018, 12:05 PM
  3. Is it necessary to be comfortable with one's type in order to be that type?
    By Sven The Returned in forum Myers Briggs Forum
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-19-2018, 09:27 PM
  4. just want to be judged by a keen eye (to be a bit more certain)
    By PlasticRenaissance in forum What's my personality type?
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 07-24-2018, 11:21 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:43 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0