[INFP] How do you get angry? - Page 3

How do you get angry?

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This is a discussion on How do you get angry? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Fi-Te do have a direct access to anger, imo. Fe-Ti would have to wrap it into more general acceptable forms ...

  1. #21

    Fi-Te do have a direct access to anger, imo. Fe-Ti would have to wrap it into more general acceptable forms of anger. That said, once developed properly, the Fe-Ti anger would be more effective because it has been molded in a way that it reaches the intended audience. Fi-Te would seem more like blurting out in that scenario like a skirmish and Fe-Ti would be more like an advanced and developed missile that can zero in on the target. If one was to imagine the whole thing even further, an Fi-Te would sublimate her anger into a creative expression while I don't know what an Fe-Ti would do. I have a really tough time understanding what Fe-Ti is like. They seem to be made of some other brain material altogether.
    Notus Asphodelus, odinthor and Negotiator thanked this post.

  2. #22

    For me it's...fiery. Very fiery and impassioned. When I get angry I'm almost always the scariest person in the room and not many can hold their ground at that point. I can come across as intense and worked up even when I don't intend to. People can see that in me, I guess. If it was blowing up over something trivial I can calm down very quickly. If someone's an Enneagram SX4 they can usually relate to the fiery, dramatic rage. Lately I have been trying to avoid getting angry at people I have disagreements with and instead try to listen to their life experiences so I understand why they see things differently and hopefully that empathy can produce more agreement between us.

  3. #23

    I get sarcastic. Which is weird, because I get sarcastic when I'm happy.
    WitcherDeer and AnneM thanked this post.

  4. #24

    I use my words like a knife to stab someone where it hurts the most.

    However, most of the time, I'd just rationalize my anger and retreat. After awhile, I'd just forget about it if the problem isn't a huge deal. Sometimes, I don't even need to use any words. They can sense my angry vibe from a distance. They know not to F me
    Last edited by Notus Asphodelus; 10-12-2019 at 07:54 PM.
    WitcherDeer thanked this post.

  5. #25

    I guess there are different levels.

    Normal level I get sarcastic (if I say anything at all).

    But then if I decide to get super emotional it's usually a jumble of emotions--some anger, some sadness etc. I consider this an effort to express, even if the other person doesn't like it I consider myself 'letting them in.'

    I have been very resentful lately (yeah...unfortunately I do resentment) and it can come out pretty sharp and biting. I even insult people sometimes.

    I also, when I get very angry, get headaches. A small amount of anger is energizing. A bit more becomes irritating, after a while. A whole lot tends to hang out for a while and leave me with a headache. I am not a fan of anger headaches.

    I can be very critical too, and I think that comes from holding it in and fostering resentment. Sometimes I can let it out, but I'm not really used to expressing anger. Often times I argue, but my arguments are detached from reality (like if I'm arguing about something I feel strongly about).
    @burningsoul In my experience I do tend to get sarcastic and express anger 'creatively.'

    Fe-ti can be very direct and also hyperfocused on how you experience their anger--they want to watch YOU squirm (less healthy), or else they want to be very clear on what they are upset about (more healthy). They will tell you very abruptly, and there's a theme of 'clearing the air,' with them. It's a way of finding resolution.

    Very unhealthy, in my experience--gloves off and they want to get you to scream/cry/emote a whole bunch, then they act like nothing happened and totally move on (while for me it doesn't 'clear' it only goes deeper and stays longer and I probably will never forget such a volatile confrontation). I'm not a fan of just screaming and getting angry as a means of sharing emotion. But Fe is actually, as much as they like group harmony, not very sensitive compared to Fi, in my experience.

    But one of the biggest problems I have (which I am convinced isn't that common with Fe types) is holding on, becoming resentful...it's normal for me to ruminate. The good part of this is that I usually try to find some solution--whether to meditate or to find an answer...or something to find inner peace. But the bad is obvious--it's way easier for me to just start being resentful and it to become so much I don't know how to deal with it, and I am not a fan of nagging negative feelings that I don't know what to do with. I can't just forget them. I can't just 'move on.' I have to like 'produce' something out of them (perhaps that also has to do with creative expression?).
    Notus Asphodelus thanked this post.

  6. #26

    Quote Originally Posted by Notus Asphodelus View Post
    I use my words like a knife to stab someone where it hurts the most.

    However, most of the time, I'd just rationalize my anger and retreat. After awhile, I'd just forget about it if the problem isn't a huge deal. Sometimes, I don't even need to use any words. They can sense my angry vibe from a distance. They know not to F me

    I sometimes do that when I get really angry.

    I feel like I kind of did that last time I got really mad, and after I just wanted a hug or something, but after just poking the person full of holes for as long as they continued to discuss whatever I was angry about. Then I feel totally drained and headachy. I think that's the other reason I'm not into anger that much, because then I start really thinking about what damage and it's just...I don't move on quickly after expression or before.

    I would really like to learn how to, somewhat peacefully or at least tolerably, express more frequently to avoid resentment, but also not just be a dick.

    I really don't like conflict, but it's also got to be expressed somehow.

    I know an ESFP though that I swear--it's almost like a locked box with explosives inside (going off). Doesn't even hurt people with words at all (maybe Se and just high Fi ideals). It's so internal and difficult to communicate I think. But it gets to boiling point and then it's like a full body experience, I think...probably also suffers from resentment like me.

    But lol yeah--when it gets to that point I can definitely sense the angry vibe, and it's not playing around. I've heard people say that type of thing about INFPs, but it's mostly facial expressions. I feel like with the ESFP I know it's like the entire body, voice, everything in the body language.

    SFP have similar functions to NTJ though, and I think they can really mask their emotions, probably better than NFP (though SFP might not choose to do it as much as NTJ idk).

  7. #27

    Quote Originally Posted by WitcherDeer View Post
    I sometimes do that when I get really angry.

    I feel like I kind of did that last time I got really mad, and after I just wanted a hug or something, but after just poking the person full of holes for as long as they continued to discuss whatever I was angry about. Then I feel totally drained and headachy. I think that's the other reason I'm not into anger that much, because then I start really thinking about what damage and it's just...I don't move on quickly after expression or before.

    I would really like to learn how to, somewhat peacefully or at least tolerably, express more frequently to avoid resentment, but also not just be a dick.

    I really don't like conflict, but it's also got to be expressed somehow.

    I know an ESFP though that I swear--it's almost like a locked box with explosives inside (going off). Doesn't even hurt people with words at all (maybe Se and just high Fi ideals). It's so internal and difficult to communicate I think. But it gets to boiling point and then it's like a full body experience, I think...probably also suffers from resentment like me.

    But lol yeah--when it gets to that point I can definitely sense the angry vibe, and it's not playing around. I've heard people say that type of thing about INFPs, but it's mostly facial expressions. I feel like with the ESFP I know it's like the entire body, voice, everything in the body language.

    SFP have similar functions to NTJ though, and I think they can really mask their emotions, probably better than NFP (though SFP might not choose to do it as much as NTJ idk).
    My colleague said I look like a murderer when I'm seriously angry and that I've to tone it down for the happiness of my career life. Now that I think about it, I think it's hilarious..

    Just like you, I don't like being angry. It just gives me migraine. INFP and ISFP can't help with the facial expression even though they may not say anything. The least we could give is a poker face; depending on who we're dealing with.
    burningsoul and WitcherDeer thanked this post.

  8. #28

    Quote Originally Posted by Notus Asphodelus View Post
    My colleague said I look like a murderer when I'm seriously angry and that I've to tone it down for the happiness of my career life. Now that I think about it, I think it's hilarious..

    Just like you, I don't like being angry. It just gives me migraine. INFP and ISFP can't help with the facial expression even though they may not say anything. The least we could give is a poker face; depending on who we're dealing with.
    The underlined bit is so true. The poker face takes so much enthusiasm and energy and amidst people I trust, I just can't help with my facial expression. Should something be done about it? Can something be done about it? I think it is counterproductive in social as well as personal relationships to wear your heart on your sleeve to that extent. But what is an alternative? I am genuinely asking here, there should be something possible to hide this and not spend too much energy extroverting. Thoughts?

  9. #29

    Quote Originally Posted by burningsoul View Post
    The underlined bit is so true. The poker face takes so much enthusiasm and energy and amidst people I trust, I just can't help with my facial expression. Should something be done about it? Can something be done about it? I think it is counterproductive in social as well as personal relationships to wear your heart on your sleeve to that extent. But what is an alternative? I am genuinely asking here, there should be something possible to hide this and not spend too much energy extroverting. Thoughts?

    I don't know about you, but I think the reasonable way to deal with it is to make peace with the thought that you will always wear your heart on your sleeves. The more you try to subdue it, the more it will express itself in other forms. The worst case may be in a form of an illness or .. resentment. Come to think of it, most of my problems occur not because of my inability to hide my emotions, but due to my not being able to communicate my thoughts in a way that is justifiable to people. Commucating alone is already taxing on my energy reserves. I have anxieties.. When things get frustating, I tend to hold everything inside because I fear I might "burst". I think that 's what happens to my face.
    burningsoul thanked this post.

  10. #30
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by burningsoul View Post
    Fi-Te do have a direct access to anger, imo. Fe-Ti would have to wrap it into more general acceptable forms of anger. That said, once developed properly, the Fe-Ti anger would be more effective because it has been molded in a way that it reaches the intended audience. Fi-Te would seem more like blurting out in that scenario like a skirmish and Fe-Ti would be more like an advanced and developed missile that can zero in on the target. If one was to imagine the whole thing even further, an Fi-Te would sublimate her anger into a creative expression while I don't know what an Fe-Ti would do. I have a really tough time understanding what Fe-Ti is like. They seem to be made of some other brain material altogether.
    My use of both functions is in subjugation to Ne, so I will usually express my anger in the form of a discourse or formal argument, where I explore all the possible causes and reasons for those causes, eliminate unlikely possibilities and then arrive at a denouement, where my Ne and Fe will often combine to insert some provocative imagery to shock and disturb the subject of my ire. I feel a great deal of raw, visceral anger, and it takes a lot of effort to suppress that down to socially acceptable levels. This is one of the main reasons why I often become exhausted in the company of "chill", laid-back, passive types of people (who are the majority), as there is so much energy I have to hold back around them. Often, another accompanying emotion, like sadness, melancholia or bitterness is underneath the surface, fueling the fire. But if I ever do actually snap, it is because a group of people are coordinating to mock me, slander me and damage my reputation (and image is important for Fe-valuers, especially if they are also Enneagram 3s). The sudden outpouring of rage from me in that situation can be brutal and difficult to control.
    Last edited by Inside Job; 10-14-2019 at 04:43 PM.
    AnneM thanked this post.


     
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