[INFP] INFP-ENTJ relations

INFP-ENTJ relations

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This is a discussion on INFP-ENTJ relations within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Dear INFPs, How do you feel about ENTJs? How are your relations with us? How do you view us? By ...

  1. #1

    INFP-ENTJ relations

    Dear INFPs,

    How do you feel about ENTJs? How are your relations with us? How do you view us?

    By "relations" I mean any kind of personal relationship (romantic, friendship, rivalry, etc.) The reason I'm asking is because there is an INFP girl I'm interested in romantically (unfortunately she has a BF at the present :( ) and I'm curious to get an idea of how things might work between us.
    Last edited by Strelnikov; 10-01-2019 at 04:11 AM.



  2. #2

    Hi there :) Before I go into detail about my thoughts on INFP/ENTJ relationships... I feel like I should tell you that INFPs tend to be really committed in their relationships. If the girl you like is in a relationship right now, chances are that she'll either stay with her current BF or, in case the relationship ends, she'll be absolutely heartbroken and will need a lot of time to process it. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, Don't get your hopes up too high. But then again, I'm a hopeless romantic (who would've guessed) and I can't blame anyone for daydreaming about that one person. A lot.

    Soo I used to have an ENTJ friend I was pretty close with. What I loved most about our conversations was how *deep* they were. We could just casually talk about the universe and our place in it for hours, I'm guessing that was our shared N aspect. Otherwise we didn't have much in common - oh, apart from our passion for good food, not sure if that's a personality thing though xD
    I was the dreamer, he was the realist. I was arty, he was analytic. I was wary of hurting others, he was direct and refreshingly outspoken. But our differences did fascinate me and I valued that friendship. Ironically.. I feel like he developed a crush on me over time which is why I got more distant (being in a committed relationship myself) and we drifted apart. We got in touch again once and that time something he said hurt me on a very personal level, he probably didn't even realise it but that's when I decided to keep my distance. Not saying that's an ENTJ trait! It's just what happened.

    Overall, I don't think we could've worked as a couple. What I crave most in a relationship is sharing my deeply emotional experience of the world. I could never really reach my ENTJ friend on that level, perhaps because he's not a feeler. I remember one time in particular when I was really upset about something and my friend didn't really know what to do, he almost seemed a bit intimidated by my emotional outburst. But strong emotions are the core of my being. I don't always show them though and if I do, it means I trust you. I need someone who can appreciate that and handle those waves of deep feelings. Not saying that you wouldn't be able to do that! But my ENTJ friend certainly couldn't and he would never show his own deeper emotions freely.. so I often felt there was something missing for me, as much as I liked him as a friend.

    Don't think I've ever had a close relationship with any other ENTJ. To be honest, I tend to feel a bit judged by *TJs as if I'm not smart, witty and organised enough (that's my own insecurity though). So in a strange way, your affection for that girl warms my INFP heart. All the best :)
    Last edited by clumsy quokka; 10-01-2019 at 10:26 AM.

  3. #3

    I don't think I've ever actually known any ENTJs, but I'll say as with all types I think it'll always vary from person to person, it's never ever a good idea to prejudge your future relations with someone based on your types, people of two types usually considered diametrically opposed can become closer than family if they're compatible in other ways.

    Though it's probably a good idea to back off if she has a boyfriend my dude, hoping for them to separate is never a nice thing to wish upon somebody and you could be hoping for a long time.
    neutralchaotic, secondpassing and Strelnikov thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Pizzafari View Post
    I don't think I've ever actually known any ENTJs, but I'll say as with all types I think it'll always vary from person to person, it's never ever a good idea to prejudge your future relations with someone based on your types, people of two types usually considered diametrically opposed can become closer than family if they're compatible in other ways.

    Though it's probably a good idea to back off if she has a boyfriend my dude, hoping for them to separate is never a nice thing to wish upon somebody and you could be hoping for a long time.
    It wasn't a pre-judgement thing, as much as it was me wanting to understand what it looks like from the other side. I wouldn't try anything as long as she has a boyfriend... I don't do that sort of thing. But to be honest, I was hoping for a breakup :) She really grew on me in such a short time and we have a surprising amount of things in common. She even told me things like: you're a wonderful person... positive things... Which is a really nice surprise for someone that knows me for about 1 month. Usually, it takes much longer for people to like me... I'm not lovable :) I assume it's unusual (correct me if I'm wrong) for INFPs to be so positive so fast.

    Quote Originally Posted by clumsy quokka View Post
    Hi there :) Before I go into detail about my thoughts on INFP/ENTJ relationships... I feel like I should tell you that INFPs tend to be really committed in their relationships. If the girl you like is in a relationship right now, chances are that she'll either stay with her current BF or, in case the relationship ends, she'll be absolutely heartbroken and will need a lot of time to process it. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, Don't get your hopes up too high. But then again, I'm a hopeless romantic (who would've guessed) and I can't blame anyone for daydreaming about that one person. A lot.

    Soo I used to have an ENTJ friend I was pretty close with. What I loved most about our conversations was how *deep* they were. We could just casually talk about the universe and our place in it for hours, I'm guessing that was our shared N aspect. Otherwise we didn't have much in common - oh, apart from our passion for good food, not sure if that's a personality thing though xD
    I was the dreamer, he was the realist. I was arty, he was analytic. I was wary of hurting others, he was direct and refreshingly outspoken. But our differences did fascinate me and I valued that friendship. Ironically.. I feel like he developed a crush on me over time which is why I got more distant (being in a committed relationship myself) and we drifted apart. We got in touch again once and that time something he said hurt me on a very personal level, he probably didn't even realise it but that's when I decided to keep my distance. Not saying that's an ENTJ trait! It's just what happened.

    Overall, I don't think we could've worked as a couple. What I crave most in a relationship is sharing my deeply emotional experience of the world. I could never really reach my ENTJ friend on that level, perhaps because he's not a feeler. I remember one time in particular when I was really upset about something and my friend didn't really know what to do, he almost seemed a bit intimidated by my emotional outburst. But strong emotions are the core of my being. I don't always show them though and if I do, it means I trust you. I need someone who can appreciate that and handle those waves of deep feelings. Not saying that you wouldn't be able to do that! But my ENTJ friend certainly couldn't and he would never show his own deeper emotions freely.. so I often felt there was something missing for me, as much as I liked him as a friend.

    Don't think I've ever had a close relationship with any other ENTJ. To be honest, I tend to feel a bit judged by *TJs as if I'm not smart, witty and organised enough (that's my own insecurity though). So in a strange way, your affection for that girl warms my INFP heart. All the best :)
    I have other INFP friends... one of them is one of my oldest and best friends. We know each other for 14 years and during this period, we've had 2 arguments and stopped talking for about 6 months every time. The last time this happened it was all a big misunderstanding: she assumed that me asking about her future plans was about me being condescending towards her... Why would she think that? I honestly don't know, but she got really upset and I had absolutely no idea what was happening and why until 6 months later when she explained it to me. I had never been arrogant towards her... or in general towards people... why would she assume that? The thing about us is that we don't really have subtext to our words... If I ask what are her plans for the future, there is no other implication except the fact that I'm curious what she wants to do next. If I would feel like demeaning someone, I would do it directly, in a cutting tone which should be unmistakable from the way I usually speak.

    She (the girl I like) has been sharing certain emotional stuff with me and I did the same with her... Yes, we do have feelings and yes, they can be reached. It's just that for the most part we don't think they're important enough to talk about. At least that's what I feel like... I do have feelings, but I don't see them as important enough to discuss, but if someone wants to talk feelings, I'm ok with it.

    I have another INFP friend and she had the same feeling with her boyfriends, that she was judged and she felt inferior, but appreciated that she never felt this way when talking to me (it seems they were similar to me). And I told her this: if you detect arrogance, reply with extra-arrogance... Find a topic you know more about and press your advantage: talk about it and make them feel the same. From my point of view, I like talking about a lot of stuff, like history and from my point of view people shouldn't feel inferior if they don't know what I'm talking about. I will explain things in the most simple terms, I prefer to tell stories like: "Ok! So these guys really hate these other guys" instead of "the geopolitical situation in region..." But the only thing I want people to have is curiosity. That's it! You don't know stuff? So what? I don't know a lot of stuff. From my point of view I see it as a joy of communication, of sharing knowledge, not me bragging how smart I am.
    Liquidlucy and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  5. #5

    My BF for 8 years is an ENTJ. The dynamics are as described above: he is more rational, I'm more emotional. I think, at first, I was a little bit intimidated by him. He seemed so... sure about how things work. I never know exactly how things work (or I feel very incapable of understanding a lot of technical stuff, which I am not, but I just need a little bit more time), so his 'duh' approach to these things was kind of.. scary. I think I intimidated him a bit with my 'duh' approach to handling emotions and predicting emotional outcomes for us and others.
    Nowadays we both pretend we don't value the things we're nog especially good at, but secretly learn from the other to be a better person. He looks at how I handle things emotionally, and sees that his emotions are valid and okay. I see how he handles things in a practical, efficient sense, and I do as I see.
    The flipside of our relationship is that he can be a bit condescending at times. He doesn't really realise what he is doing at that moment, but it's quite annoying. This is how it goes: I do something in a different way than how he likes to see it (for instance: loading the dishwasher, always a pain). He asks me, not one, but five questions of how I came to think of deciding to load the dishwasher like this. He asks if I didn't listen to him before, when he explained me how to load it. I'm not that efficient, I'm just bad at loading the dishwasher, I explain, but he doesn't really understand (because he believes I can learn). I slowly zone out... Which he (of course) finds very annoying, but I find it difficult to listen to his tone.
    I now realise that he doesn't really mind his tone or how it comes across, he wants to be able to give feedback anytime. He understands now that I (and others) have a negative feedback-treshold: the more that comes in, the less I'm able to digest it because of emoootions.
    Ah well. I don't know if this is ENTJ-INFP related, but that is I think our biggest struggle :) It gets less over the years, something to do with maturing Te and Fi I suppose.
    Karkino, Blue Flower, L P and 3 others thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Liquidlucy View Post
    My BF for 8 years is an ENTJ. The dynamics are as described above: he is more rational, I'm more emotional. I think, at first, I was a little bit intimidated by him. He seemed so... sure about how things work. I never know exactly how things work (or I feel very incapable of understanding a lot of technical stuff, which I am not, but I just need a little bit more time), so his 'duh' approach to these things was kind of.. scary. I think I intimidated him a bit with my 'duh' approach to handling emotions and predicting emotional outcomes for us and others.
    Nowadays we both pretend we don't value the things we're nog especially good at, but secretly learn from the other to be a better person. He looks at how I handle things emotionally, and sees that his emotions are valid and okay. I see how he handles things in a practical, efficient sense, and I do as I see.
    The flipside of our relationship is that he can be a bit condescending at times. He doesn't really realise what he is doing at that moment, but it's quite annoying. This is how it goes: I do something in a different way than how he likes to see it (for instance: loading the dishwasher, always a pain). He asks me, not one, but five questions of how I came to think of deciding to load the dishwasher like this. He asks if I didn't listen to him before, when he explained me how to load it. I'm not that efficient, I'm just bad at loading the dishwasher, I explain, but he doesn't really understand (because he believes I can learn). I slowly zone out... Which he (of course) finds very annoying, but I find it difficult to listen to his tone.
    I now realise that he doesn't really mind his tone or how it comes across, he wants to be able to give feedback anytime. He understands now that I (and others) have a negative feedback-treshold: the more that comes in, the less I'm able to digest it because of emoootions.
    Ah well. I don't know if this is ENTJ-INFP related, but that is I think our biggest struggle :) It gets less over the years, something to do with maturing Te and Fi I suppose.
    To be honest I am intimidated by INFPs expressing emotions... My great friend for 14 years has moments when she has these outbursts where I'm genuinely afraid she's going to stab me or something. She's not directing them at me, but I sense danger :) This is something I actually really, really respect about INFPs... I think you guys might be the only type that can intimidate me... Not ESTJs, not other ENTJs, not ESTPs, nope... INFPs and I really respect that inner strength you guys have.

    Yes, emotions are indeed valid and ok. The thing I am looking for when dealing with them is their logic. Feelings are not irrational or illogical, it's just that they have a different kind of logic in my view. As I like to say: "It's not logical, it's psychological!" Regarding the dishwasher situation, I have an ENTJ 1 friend and yes, he can be nitpicky, but as an ENTJ 8... nope, especially regarding dishwashers... I don't pay attention to them :)
    Liquidlucy and L P thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Strelnikov View Post
    To be honest I am intimidated by INFPs expressing emotions... My great friend for 14 years has moments when she has these outbursts where I'm genuinely afraid she's going to stab me or something. She's not directing them at me, but I sense danger :) This is something I actually really, really respect about INFPs... I think you guys might be the only type that can intimidate me... Not ESTJs, not other ENTJs, not ESTPs, nope... INFPs and I really respect that inner strength you guys have.

    Yes, emotions are indeed valid and ok. The thing I am looking for when dealing with them is their logic. Feelings are not irrational or illogical, it's just that they have a different kind of logic in my view. As I like to say: "It's not logical, it's psychological!" Regarding the dishwasher situation, I have an ENTJ 1 friend and yes, he can be nitpicky, but as an ENTJ 8... nope, especially regarding dishwashers... I don't pay attention to them :)
    Cool! Fussing about dishwashers might be something of a type one... Although I'm sure he's a guttype, just like me (9w8).

    I think my brother is an ENTJ 8 :) He is a cool guy, very serious and tough on the outside, very sweet on the inside. He sometimes unwittingly hurts people with his jokes (he used to call me 'egg head' when we were younger, for instance, something he is now wildly ashamed of) but I know not to take him too seriously or give a funny retort back. He can handle it. I think he made me a bit more thick skinned, which I find to be a good thing. Nowadays we talk a lot about psychology and dealing with people. Good luck/have fun with the INFPs!
    Last edited by Liquidlucy; 10-02-2019 at 10:26 AM.
    Blue Flower, L P and Strelnikov thanked this post.

  8. #8

    I think it is okay to look at typology before getting into relationships. Even within a certain type, people tend to have a variety of preferences. For example, I, out of personal experiences, have a strong dislike of SJ types. But that need not be the case for all INFPs. Still it helped me to narrow down and even when I liked someone at a first glance, later as I figured out that a strong Si was involved in a personality, I backed off very soon and so much for the better. It's like learning a new language, some new words, some meanings that become imperative in the long run as you fumble with their meaning for a few years and figure out for yourself if typology itself works for you or not.

    That said, I think for a long term future sort of a premeditation on relationships, enneagram is a much better tool. It gives the overall aesthetic of a relationship with keeping both the partners on equal par irrespective of gender etc. I think it is really cool.

    Once you are IN, it is then that the MBTI becomes a far superior tool to understand your partner and discover every single embarrassing thing about yourself.
    Strelnikov thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Liquidlucy View Post
    Cool! Fussing about dishwashers might be something of a type one... Although I'm sure he's a guttype, just like me (9w8).

    I think my brother is an ENTJ 8 :) He is a cool guy, very serious and tough on the outside, very sweet on the inside. He sometimes unwittingly hurts people with his jokes (he used to call me 'egg head' when we were younger, for instance, something he is now wildly ashamed of) but I know not to take him too seriously or give a funny retort back. He can handle it. I think he made me a bit more thick skinned, which I find to be a good thing. Nowadays we talk a lot about psychology and dealing with people. Good luck/have fun with the INFPs!
    1 is still a gut type (8,9,1 is the triad).

    I had an INFP coworker and I would always taunt her. But I always encouraged her to fight back and I told her: "Mary (yes, I used the English Mary, instead of my language) I'm doing this for your own good to toughen you up! Fight, Mary! Fight!" And she appreciated it and actually managed to find a new, better job and actually has confidence in herself now. So yes, tough love is still love! :)

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Strelnikov View Post
    But to be honest, I was hoping for a breakup :) She really grew on me in such a short time and we have a surprising amount of things in common. She even told me things like: you're a wonderful person... positive things... Which is a really nice surprise for someone that knows me for about 1 month. Usually, it takes much longer for people to like me... I'm not lovable :) I assume it's unusual (correct me if I'm wrong) for INFPs to be so positive so fast.
    But that's what I mean, that's not good, dude. Believe me, I know full well how it feels to have someone who makes you feel great about yourself when no-one else does, and I know how it feels to fall for someone who's already in a relationship, but is hoping that this girl goes through the sadness of breaking up with the person she loves for the sake of you who she's known for one month really how you should be feeling towards someone who's given you happiness? I understand the feeling, believe me, but the mindset that must have gone into you asking this question is not a good one for her sake. If you care about her as a friend, you need to let things be. If they do break up, fine. But that'd be a horrible thing for her to have to go through and it's not something to wish upon a friend. And if not for her sake, if they never break up you could be holding your breath for something to happen forever.
    burningsoul, secondpassing, Strelnikov and 1 others thanked this post.


     
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