Hello; and a question on love?

Hello; and a question on love?

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  • 7 Post By neutralchaotic
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This is a discussion on Hello; and a question on love? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hey guys, hope everyone is having a great time! I'm a 27 year old male INFP who just moved to ...

  1. #1

    Hello; and a question on love?

    Hey guys, hope everyone is having a great time! I'm a 27 year old male INFP who just moved to Scotland to do my Masters. I seem to have fallen in love with my neighbor♥️♥️♥️. He's just way too cute/adorable. I swear I can see his beautiful soul. But the guy already has a girlfriend back home. I love him deeply and it pains me that I cannot share my life with him. I'm not interested in a sexual relationship at all, but rather looking for an emotional one. I even hinted saying that "you've only yourself to blame if I fall in love with you".

    He's just an amazing guy. But the problem is when everyone else is there he's totally different. He swears ( I personally don't like swearing) and shatters all my illusions. I'm so deeply hurt and I don't know what to do?

    I'm sorry that it's too long a post. I was hoping for some advice I could sure use it.

  2. #2

    You've fallen in love with your neighbor.

    who is already in a relationship.

    That should already be enough to pull back completely. Don't pursue an attached person (who is happily attached and not looking for others).

    Additionally, if him swearing 'shatters' your illusions (that's how it looks from your sentence), and you're deeply hurt by his swearing...

    I'm being a bit blunt because I don't understand why you want to initiate an emotional affair (because that's what it would be if he reciprocated). How you get them is how you lose them. Focus your energy on building solid relationships with those who can provide the same energy back.

  3. #3

    I mean... okay this is what I've got:

    You're studying.
    Fell for a stud.
    Stud is taken. (I'm getting implication he provided this knowledge as a rejection/boundary setter)
    You're yearning.
    People come in and he acts differently, including swearing.
    Your illusions shattered. (Good thing)

    Did I miss anything? Eat chocolate, watch rom coms, and study your fucking ass off, get your masters, and keep on with your life. That's what you do.

    I didn't read anything that implied that this guy reciprocated your feelings. I didn't read anything that implied that this guy had any motivation to string you along. It just seems like you encountered an attractive person that wasn't available for a relationship and even still you developed one-sided feelings. Sucks, but at the end of the day, your circumstances don't imply you need to do anything other than stick to what you're in Scotland for. Perhaps distract yourself and limit contact with your neighbor. No need to add fuel to the fire of your feelings/yearnings. Don't forget, he actually like, totally swears! No good. Can't like that. Nope. Keep it pushin. Remember what you found attractive in him AS WELL AS what you found unattractive. And keep on with dat studying, yo.

    Ahamasmi thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Are you willing to act to steal him from his girlfriend? Yes (go to point 1) and No (go to point 2)

    1. Talk to him and offer him a relationship if he refuses (read 2) if he agrees go (read 3).

    2)Establish whether you can and are willing to continue "relationship" as it's with him if yes (got to point 4) if not (go to the point 5)
    3)Establish nature of the relationship you will have with him and what role his girlfriend will play into this if you find final resolution unacceptable (read 2) if not (read 6).

    4. Proceed with a situation as it's now (if you will be plagued by doubts simply read point 1 again and proceed)
    5.Severe all ties with him, beyond perhaps simple social pleasantries such as greetings when encountered.
    6.Proceed with whatever relationship you agreed to.

    I was bored to I created a little pick your miserable fate adventure, If you ask me you shouldn't pay attention to such nonsensical notion of romance, you will probably get screwd over by him sooner or later, especially he already demonstrates duplicity in social interactions.If he is nice to you and acts as you want he probably wants something from you, once he gets it I wouldn't really expect a happy ending for you, unless you had leverage over him. That's just my opinion
    Ahamasmi thanked this post.

  5. #5

    They're using you for validation as much as you are them. Around others, they have their own persona that needs to be lived up to, and so your needs are no longer a concern. That should tell you all you need to know about where you register in their list of priorities; and understandably, I might add.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahamasmi View Post
    But the guy already has a girlfriend back home
    I'm so deeply hurt and I don't know what to do?
    Give up on him

    By the way, swearing is great, there is nothing wrong with swearing. Personal opinion.

  7. #7

    I apologise but I sure missed quite a few deets. :-) . I dozed off twice before I posted this. He's doing the same course as I'm and we are in the same dorm.

    He reminds me so much of myself. We had the same problem(more or less) while growing up - pretty emotional, a distant father, very few friends in college and procrastination. The dude even broke broke down in front of me when he was talking about how his father flew to attend his PTA's in college, but how he never took time to spend time together. :-( I initially thought he was an INFP, but then I had to explain the "friends" vs acquaintance bit and he pretty much hangs out with everyone.

    I know that you're right when you say that I need to get done with my Masters and I've reasoned this out with myself. I really can't afford to lag behind in my studies. I was like "HELL NO! I have a lot of assignments and exams." I can't cut him off completely only because we cook together, sometimes study and I also need to teach him a few subjects. The feeling doesn't go away that easily. I need time for self healing. I'm planning to look for a quiet spot to practice my music. :-)

    Thank you for your advice! The "Kachow" was . Nice touch! :-) When I do graduate I would definitely tell you. :-)
    Last edited by Ahamasmi; 11-13-2019 at 07:58 AM.
    UberY0shi thanked this post.

  8. #8

    I agree with you. If he is in a serious relationship then I have no business. But more importantly I do want to feel this. I've noticed that I've become more snarky, hateful and stuff which is quite rude and distasteful. I wonder why I even felt the way I did?

    Hope everything works out as it should. Nothing would give me pleasure then seeing him achieve and make something out of himself and finds whatever it is he is looking for in life.

    Thank you for your time. Hope you have a great day/had a great day ( choose appropriate wish depending on timezone)
    neutralchaotic and Hælendleof Loc thanked this post.


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