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This is a discussion on Non-INFPs, ask INFPs relationship questions or come and chat! within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Lies. Most of my closest friends are INFPs and they're fucking amazing. Two of them happen to struggle with depression ...

  1. #8221

    Lies. Most of my closest friends are INFPs and they're fucking amazing. Two of them happen to struggle with depression and I love them all the same. The INFPs in my life seem so human. What I mean is, they are so authentic and unapologetically real with who they are, and I accept that. Almost all of my INFP friends have attempted to apologize to me on one occasion or another for doing some they deemed "stupid" or "selfish". I have to stop them in their tracks, it isn't even that I want to spare they feelings, they often haven't done anything wrong. On the flip side, I find myself apologizing and then they assure me that I haven't done anything wrong. I freaking love INFPs and I wish the beauty I see in them could be openly shared with the rest of the world.
    burningsoul, neutralchaotic and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  2. #8222

    I wonder what the common partner age is for INFPs, in relation to their own. I've always been interested in men at least four years older (but never dated over 10 years....yet). Not this is prompted by a very fine older gentleman who I see around, but I'm curious. My other INFP friends are single (save for one dating a year older than her), so I do not have much data.

  3. #8223
    INTP

    What distinguishes you from other people? Like when you compare yourself to others what sticks out to you?

  4. #8224

    Quote Originally Posted by kyl0 View Post
    What distinguishes you from other people? Like when you compare yourself to others what sticks out to you?
    The fact that I'm me, to put it simply. I'm not trying to be anyone else and never have tried to be anyone else. So...that sums it up.

  5. #8225

    Quote Originally Posted by kyl0 View Post
    What distinguishes you from other people? Like when you compare yourself to others what sticks out to you?
    There is an insistent nagging voice inside calling me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Would be good if someone is interested in listening to that voice. I don't do a very good job at listening to that voice. With an INTP, the mix can be a quirky thing.

  6. #8226

    Quote Originally Posted by Semantyx View Post
    Lies. Most of my closest friends are INFPs and they're fucking amazing. Two of them happen to struggle with depression and I love them all the same. The INFPs in my life seem so human. What I mean is, they are so authentic and unapologetically real with who they are, and I accept that. Almost all of my INFP friends have attempted to apologize to me on one occasion or another for doing some they deemed "stupid" or "selfish". I have to stop them in their tracks, it isn't even that I want to spare they feelings, they often haven't done anything wrong. On the flip side, I find myself apologizing and then they assure me that I haven't done anything wrong. I freaking love INFPs and I wish the beauty I see in them could be openly shared with the rest of the world.
    Okay, I need a word of advice here. I had a bit of a conflict with my close INFJ friend. As we are discussing in another thread right now, my culture is rather unforgiving towards NF types. So, I thought a bonding would be instant and calming. For the most part, we have always had amiable relationship. Last when I met him, I accidentally suggested him to look at grammar a little and maybe learn some, so that he would understand the rhythms of the language in which he is trying to write a novel. It was totally a genuine suggestion and I did not mean anything bad by it. But he took offense of it and He said as much to me. He looked very perturbed, as if I had derailed his entire thought process. It has been two months and we haven't talked. He is an extreme recluse and all of our friends have complains from him that he is very bad at communicating. I understand the need of isolation for an Ni dom. My wife is INTJ, so I know. So, I always called him and sometimes he replied and sometimes he did not. After that incident we haven't talked. I miss talking to him. INFJs are, well he is the only one I know, a real calming influence. I am curious about his progress with his novel and I want to share my progress with the play I am writing. Advice?
    Semantyx thanked this post.

  7. #8227

    Quote Originally Posted by burningsoul View Post
    Okay, I need a word of advice here. I had a bit of a conflict with my close INFJ friend. As we are discussing in another thread right now, my culture is rather unforgiving towards NF types. So, I thought a bonding would be instant and calming. For the most part, we have always had amiable relationship. Last when I met him, I accidentally suggested him to look at grammar a little and maybe learn some, so that he would understand the rhythms of the language in which he is trying to write a novel. It was totally a genuine suggestion and I did not mean anything bad by it. But he took offense of it and He said as much to me. He looked very perturbed, as if I had derailed his entire thought process. It has been two months and we haven't talked. He is an extreme recluse and all of our friends have complains from him that he is very bad at communicating. I understand the need of isolation for an Ni dom. My wife is INTJ, so I know. So, I always called him and sometimes he replied and sometimes he did not. After that incident we haven't talked. I miss talking to him. INFJs are, well he is the only one I know, a real calming influence. I am curious about his progress with his novel and I want to share my progress with the play I am writing. Advice?
    I'm on my phone at work right now, so please excuse any typos. I'll edit if needed when I get home.

    Your INFJ friend probably loves you a lot, more than he has let you know. For me, I love my closest circle above all and anything they say can definitely affect me for sure. However, I love their criticisms especially when it's done with the purpose of growth.

    If he's a huge recluse I can only imagine two things:
    1. He took your comment to heart and is thinking terrible things about what you said. He probably feels that you haven't noticed any of the good parts of his work and you've only focused on the bad. He is probably also thinking that you don't care as much about him as he does about you.
    2. (I believe this is more likely). He took your comment to heart and it hurt, but now he is going into perfection mode. He probably doesn't want to see or talk to you out of shame, and only wants to say anything after he has made an amazing improvement. We tend to want to go into a cave and come out completely transformed. While this can help sometimes, it isn't the healthiest behavior.

    I am almost positive if you apologize for hurting his feelings and explain the exact meaning behind your words and intentions, his mind will stop trying to come up with the worst possibilities. He will probably try not too show too much emotion due to the shame of feeling silly, but he will at least talk again.

    Whenever my INFP best friends and I get into an argument, it is always solved as both of us apologize and suck up our ego. I'm sure that if you knew he would react this way, you never would have said that. Let him know this. But also let him know you want the best for him and you aren't attacking him, you're scrutinizing his work.
    burningsoul, Sei35 and L P thanked this post.

  8. #8228
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by neutralchaotic View Post
    I wonder what the common partner age is for INFPs, in relation to their own. I've always been interested in men at least four years older (but never dated over 10 years....yet). Not this is prompted by a very fine older gentleman who I see around, but I'm curious. My other INFP friends are single (save for one dating a year older than her), so I do not have much data.
    My husband is 6 months younger than I am. We talk about how strange it would be to be with someone who was a different age group and who would not get the references to things that we grew up with. Just my take on it. Not sure how other INFPs feel about it.
    neutralchaotic thanked this post.

  9. #8229

    Is modesty an INFP thing? People tell me good things about myself and even though I believe them, I don't want to make a big deal about it. Like intelligent, attractive, interesting.. I feel gross even saying those things about myself. I don't like when people say good things about me cuz I don't want to feel like a narcissist.

    When people say bad things about me, I laugh with them if they're true (Or even if they're not true most times. I don't care much).
    Last edited by Sparkout; 11-24-2019 at 12:06 AM.
    L P thanked this post.

  10. #8230

    Quote Originally Posted by Nesta View Post
    My husband is 6 months younger than I am. We talk about how strange it would be to be with someone who was a different age group and who would not get the references to things that we grew up with. Just my take on it. Not sure how other INFPs feel about it.
    Sometimes, it's not an age thing. Outside of the small religious community I grew up in, no one shares the references I grew up with, and I don't share the references of most people. I will never be with anyone who does share my references as I don't want to date anyone from my former church. You learn to live with it.
    Nesta, UberY0shi, neutralchaotic and 1 others thanked this post.


     

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