[INFP] Non-INFPs, ask INFPs relationship questions or come and chat!

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This is a discussion on Non-INFPs, ask INFPs relationship questions or come and chat! within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; This is the long and awaited thread for non-INFPs. Ask us whatever you want to know or just come and ...

  1. #1
    Unknown Personality


    Non-INFPs, ask INFPs relationship questions or come and chat!

    This is the long and awaited thread for non-INFPs. Ask us whatever you want to know or just come and chat with us.

    We're very friendly! :)
    SalvinaZerelda, Lilyanith, Invidia and 12 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    Why did you have to share every last detail of our relationship with your family? They didn't need to know our business.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Are INFP's typically afraid to commit? Or are they more slow about it?
    I've had a hard time understanding INFP's in the area.
    They seem able to be very loyal, yet can be so fickle at the same time.
    refugee, Unicorntopia, Azelll and 58 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    Unknown Personality


    Quote Originally Posted by absyrd View Post
    Why did you have to share every last detail of our relationship with your family? They didn't need to know our business.
    Hate to break it to you on public forum, hun, but you weren't doing it properly so I had to ask for advice.
    Rittie, simonecarmen, INFPgirl and 30 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality


    Quote Originally Posted by Jamie.Ether View Post
    Are INFP's typically afraid to commit? Or are they more slow about it?
    I've had a hard time understanding INFP's in the area.
    They seem able to be very loyal, yet can be so fickle at the same time.
    I don't think we're afraid to commit, I think we're just very cautious about it. We have very strong values and we protect them fiercely. This is why we're very private, we don't want anyone to crush our ideals.

    If we seem fickle in the beginning of a relationship, it's because we're testing the waters. We don't want to jump right in. Once we feel safe that you'll respect and support us, we'll be loyal to you.
    Seamaid, giraffe11, giraffe11 and 161 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Jamie.Ether View Post
    Are INFP's typically afraid to commit? Or are they more slow about it?
    I've had a hard time understanding INFP's in the area.
    They seem able to be very loyal, yet can be so fickle at the same time.
    I concur with Ms. Galaxies, it's not so much afraid, as slow. An INFP's loyalty and love is slowly-earned; they may well want to commit themselves more, but don't want to take anything too fast to protect themselves (an INFP's Fi is a delicate thing) and make sure that the target of the INFP's affections loves them back, etc, etc, which is a slow process of testing the waters more and more. From what I've read of people who have relationships with INFPs is that we are notorious for being a bit insecure with regards to that, and I don't think it's just the more 'unhealthy' ones.

    I don't see us as fickle, as in changing loyalties or affections. INFPs are delicate creatures and are cautious. As long as a potential partner shows consistent interest, personalities don't clash too much (hate of conflict and naturally not-so-good communication may lead an INFP to just withdraw rather than try to fix the problem) and agrees with or complements our values, and doesn't make any sudden movements or loud noises (INFPs can tend to bolt when those happen) things should go smoothly.
    OrangeAppled, giraffe11, giraffe11 and 120 others thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Jamie.Ether View Post
    Are INFP's typically afraid to commit? Or are they more slow about it?
    I've had a hard time understanding INFP's in the area.
    They seem able to be very loyal, yet can be so fickle at the same time.
    I wouldn't say I fear commitment as much as i'm cautious to entering a relationship.
    I don't want to enter one without the intentions of making it work and perhaps even prosper. Not in it for any other reason than I want to enjoy that person and feel I can bring positive experiences to them as well.
    But I remember there being some great quote along the lines of you have to be pretty amazing to over take my solitude. I get lonely but I definitely enjoy my free time to myself, person needs to respect that and certainly a concern as I can't give myself to someone as much as they'd like though people i'm attracted to don't wear me out as much.
    So yes, very slow.
    OrangeAppled, refugee, sensei.of.slow and 75 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    Unknown Personality


    @CaptSwan, you may approach. Now you can drill our minds, too!

  9. #9
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by absyrd View Post
    Why did you have to share every last detail of our relationship with your family? They didn't need to know our business.
    Oh my god, Absyrd, you look as if you're several decades younger than me but I SHARE YOUR PAIN! My INFP has routinely discussed the hardships in our relationship with his adult daughters ... who, as you can imagine, are not heavily invested in his and my happiness. I can hardly describe to you how painful that has been for me and the anguish his disloyalty has caused in this respect. So much so it has essentially driven us apart and I am devastated.

  10. #10
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by Galaxies View Post
    I don't think we're afraid to commit, I think we're just very cautious about it. We have very strong values and we protect them fiercely. This is why we're very private, we don't want anyone to crush our ideals.

    If we seem fickle in the beginning of a relationship, it's because we're testing the waters. We don't want to jump right in. Once we feel safe that you'll respect and support us, we'll be loyal to you.
    Well perhaps you can shed some light - although my love is a male INFP. We've had a 20-month relationship, both mature adults - call that middle-aged - and it has been very full on for both of us. He shares his home with two adult daughters (in years, that is, 25 and 28), both of whom are a bit different - one severely alcoholic, the other a recovered anorexic/bulimic - both intelligent, both working and well-educated, but psychologically 'vulnerable'. I don't need to tell you then what it was to enter that household as his first serious lover since his marriage broke down a decade earlier ...
    He has been wonderful to me and I adore him - but at the same time as being wonderful to me, has always put me second to his job and his daughters. He has been crazy about me - but at the same time shown tremendous, excruciating shyness in social situations that involve people we each know. I of course met his friends, he met mine ... but it has been difficult all along. Alone together we have been happier and more content and safe than both of us have experienced for a long time. Etc, etc.
    After 20 months (!) I asked him for a commitment ... as in, make it clear to your daughters that I have status in your life and that my needs count A LOT, too - it was obvious we couldn't live together since their co-dependent triangle made that impossible - I mean, would YOU want to live as an adult woman in a house inhabited by 2 other adult women who are entirely joined at the hip to their father??? And he wasn't going to put them out.
    This lead to a crisis ... He said he needed 'a break' - I let him go without a fight. I stayed away ... he chased me in a panic. He has kept in touch throughout this 'break' ... I have contacted him a few times, but always very low key and very occasional (he knows I love him ...) but he has sms'd me and kept in touch. Finally, after three weeks, he texted me to ask if we could have dinner later in the week ... I said yes ... I will not bore you with the details, but it is now a fortnight later during which time he has reneged on two dinner invitations, sent me several long and detailed texts about everything he is doing and then finally asked me if he could 'catch up' on the phone ... after an hour's very nice conversation ... and several nice texts the next day ... it is now Saturday, two weeks later ... and nothing
    I have been around a few men in my life ... as you do, by the time you get to my age :-) ... and in my experience men who are not interested are not around, finished. And the idea that a man is 'just playing you for his ego' I find to be a very shallow way of understanding people in general.
    This has man and I have been intense lovers for 20 months, he has given me beautiful, loving gifts, and in his own quiet way has always been there to 'do' for me ... But when the time came to work on his relationship with his 'girls' and make room for me in a real way ... Well, here I am!
    I adore him and am well past the angry stage ... I realise that he felt he had to do something and I believe he is an intensely civilised man ... but an INFP absolutely by the book ... shame, guilt, shyness, silence, very careful, very sweet ... not to mention very well educated and a deep, deeeep thinker.
    So ... if you can de-code AND give me some strategy to help him trust me again (and of course I do need that commitment ...) ... I will be very grateful.
    (I do NOT need a brutal kick in the pants by the way ... do bare in mind that I have been through the wringer with my man and don't need to be harmed ...)
    Thanks for your considered INFP opinion :-)
    Seamaid, LeafStew, Jamie.Ether and 6 others thanked this post.


     
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