[INFP] Hiding your gifts from people - Page 2

Hiding your gifts from people

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This is a discussion on Hiding your gifts from people within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; is this kinda like how your parents hid the presents before Christmas morning?...

  1. #11
    INFP - The Idealists


    is this kinda like how your parents hid the presents before Christmas morning?

  2. #12
    INFP - The Idealists

    yes! im the same way. im confused at myself for it, but definitely yes. i feel like its my secret private thing that i like and also i feel like other people wont give me enough approval for something thats really good as i would hope they do ( i guess) so i am left feeling stupid and embarassed and like oh i should have just kept it to myself because if its to myself i dont have to think about how good it is, or worry about how other people will take it. just me. haha i am being SO vague right now. i mean like writing or secret interests like compising music that i havent shared with anyone. i do this with a LOT of things. i didnt explain that in the best way though but long story short i agree with you, i do that too

  3. #13
    INFP - The Idealists

    INFPs' sensitivity, which makes us emotionally aware artists, also makes us emotionally sensitive to people's reactions to our art. Time is a great smoother of edges; in all likelihood, as the years pass, you'll be less uncomfortable for others, even family, to see your creative output. But while you wait for time to do its thing, here are a couple of tactics you might try, to help things move along a little more quickly:

    1. Look closely at the lyrics and poetry of even very accomplished and famous artists, and find some imperfections. If they can be flawed, so can you. The point is not to be negative, but to recognize that you don't have to produce something perfect in order for it to be appreciated by a lot of people. (And if you can't find imperfections in the artists and poets you like, ask a friend or teacher with a critical eye to help identify them--there are plenty of flaws to find.)

    2. Visualize the person you fear will find fault with your work. In your own mind, imagine talking back to that criticism by either defending your work, pointing out to them that good work need not be perfect--and even (in your imagination) pointing out some of the ways they and their work are not perfect.

    Good luck, and remember that your confidence vis-a-vis your family will likely grow with passing time, more skill, and greater practical independence.
    OrangeAppled, Chilln, Cheazy and 4 others thanked this post.

  4. #14
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by HorrorGeek View Post
    I was like you when I was young. I'd write fiction and essays and stuff and not let anyone close to me read them. I was more comfortable sending them off to magazine editors than I was letting people I knew see them--I guess, because in a way there were pieces of me in all those things and people who knew me would have realized that and I wasn't comfortable with sharing.
    i'm exactly the same. and further, whenever i get to know editors personally, i find it becomes a thousand times more difficult to submit to their journal or press because i tend to project their expectations. when i do have work solicited by editors i know, it takes me forever to finish the project because my perfection-o-meter skyrockets. do you ever find that's true for you? after 3 years being in the publishing game i'm totally unphased by rejection and acceptance alike, yet still only comfortable sharing my writing with complete strangers. i have friends and family who constantly ask to read things but i always maneuver around the subject and point at the nearest shiny object. it's terrifying. and i'm not even going to mention public readings for fear of causing myself nightmares.

    as for painting and music, only about three people are even aware that i dabble in those. for the best, i'm sure. it's remarkable said three have not gouged out their eyes and ears by now.
    HorrorGeek thanked this post.

  5. #15
    INFJ

    The only thing that bothers me about it is that when I say I have aspirations in music or art, everyone thinks I'm crazy because I've never shown anything to them!

  6. #16

    I'll post my poetry on an anonymous site, but I won't let anyone I know read it (or know that I even write it). I also rarely show anyone anything I draw. I hate job interviews for many reasons, one being that I have to show them my portfolio and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Especially since on job interviews, they purposely do not comment (so you have no idea what they are thinking).

  7. #17
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by polaroid sea View Post
    i'm exactly the same. and further, whenever i get to know editors personally, i find it becomes a thousand times more difficult to submit to their journal or press because i tend to project their expectations. when i do have work solicited by editors i know, it takes me forever to finish the project because my perfection-o-meter skyrockets. do you ever find that's true for you?
    Totally true for me. When I started out, I was writing short fiction in the horror field--and it's a small community, relatively speaking, and soon I knew a lot of editors. When I didn't know them, I'd fire stuff off to them without hesitation. Once I did, it was an entirely different ballgame.

    I still fight with the perfection-o-meter (I edited a post here last night no less than six times because I wasn't happy with the word choices...), but generally speaking I've learned to let it go. I had a friend who was a really good fiction writer who over-edited everything. He eventually quit writing entirely. I was terrified of the same thing happening to me.
    polaroid sea thanked this post.

  8. #18
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I hate job interviews for many reasons, one being that I have to show them my portfolio and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Especially since on job interviews, they purposely do not comment (so you have no idea what they are thinking).
    oh god, i relate. i've long since decided that job interviews are evil incarnate. the very concept behind them seems at odds with the entire INFP belief system. you're required to brag about yourself and rewarded for it. and it's like all your worst "first impression" nightmares vacuum packed into one sitting. honestly, who invents these things?
    OrangeAppled and Blackbird thanked this post.

  9. #19
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by HorrorGeek View Post
    Totally true for me. When I started out, I was writing short fiction in the horror field--and it's a small community, relatively speaking, and soon I knew a lot of editors. When I didn't know them, I'd fire stuff off to them without hesitation. Once I did, it was an entirely different ballgame.

    I still fight with the perfection-o-meter (I edited a post here last night no less than six times because I wasn't happy with the word choices...), but generally speaking I've learned to let it go. I had a friend who was a really good fiction writer who over-edited everything. He eventually quit writing entirely. I was terrified of the same thing happening to me.
    yes! i don't understand why that is. you'd think we'd at least be able to trust the people in our innermost network, especially other writers which editors usually are, but apparently not.

    re: your fiction friend, that's terrible! i'm scared of that happening, though i think i could only ever quit if i felt i'd squeezed everything i could out of the medium and wanted to try something else, not because of pressure, self-inflicted or otherwise. still, it's a very real concern for me too because some days it's hard to bridge that gap between perfectionism and actually finishing. and you're completely right, it's wise advice to just let go and trust that it will take the right form. i'm still pretty green in that sense, but learning.

  10. #20
    INFP - The Idealists

    I hide everything creative that I do. To be honest I don't know why, it's just something that I've always done. I've been writing for several years now, and my parents didn't even knew I wrote until maybe last year. They still haven't seen any of my work. I have crossed a bit of a bridge here though, because whereas before I wouldn't let anyone read my stuff, I occasionally write pieces of work(stories/poetry/ect) and articles online. Even then, I've never used my real name. In an ideal world, one day I will actually become the musician I hope to be - it's on my bucket list so I have to do it at some point.
    As much as I'd like to hide my art, my pieces have gradually increased in size, so its slightly harder to stuff away now. I wouldn't mind much, except my Dad likes to invite family around and get me to take all my art downstairs to show it off My embarrassment is one part of my personality he doesn't quite understand haha.

    My writing especially is such a vital part of me. If people see or hear it, it's almost like they'll see my soul. Seeing it will leave me in complete vulnerability to everything the world can throw down upon me.

    And, of course, I am a complete perfectionist with the entire thing.


     
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