Ok, I feel a bit silly coming here to blab about my super secret crush, but I'm starting to go a bit crazy in my own head wondering about this guy, and I have to get it out! I'm hoping some INFPs can give me some advice and/or insight.
A few months ago I met this INFP guy through one of my good friends, and I really liked him from the start, if only as a friend. We connected on an intellectual level at first, spending time talking about books & writing, etc, which makes me giddy because I've spent most of my life loving those things in solitude.
As I learned a bit more about him, i realized we have so much in common --similar family issues (nonexistent & abusive parents, feeling like we were the only responsible ones in the house even as kids) and have struggled with some similar emotional problems because of that. Neither of us are very trusting, to say the least. We are the ones who hear other people's problems and life stories, and we attract some of the craziest people just by sitting together.
I really don't know how this boy is still single. He is kind and cute and funny and smart and so many levels of awesome. He's incredibly giving and has a hard time disappointing people (a trait which is now making it difficult for me to tell how he really feels, as you can imagine). I love talking to him, he's one of those people that everyone wants to open up to. And what's more, I love listening to him -- he's quite introverted, but when he comes out and gets talking I feel really lucky.
Anyway, the problem is this. We're both undergrads - he's a sophomore & I'm a freshman - and we both withdrew from school this semester because we were feeling pretty depressed and unfocused. Since January we'd both been spending time in our own rooms, wouldn't go out, etc, so we didn't see each other much. Now I'm home (1000 miles away) and kicking myself because I feel like I missed out on something potentially great. While I'm here I don't want to lose his friendship, not just because I'm so far. He is actually leaving for Africa soon to work for a nonprofit there for the summer. We've promised to stay in touch.
Back when we still barely knew each other, we were walking through the quad late at night, lagging behind our friends, and he told me that he did something 'creepy' and looked up my biography on my scholarship program's website. It is a short bio about my high school activities and goals for the future - I was so embarrassed to write it, but i was honest about my love of writing, how i believe that understanding people, that telling their stories with compassion, can change the world, etc etc. He told me that when he read it he got chills and he said that I was inspiring, that I was a good writer -- essentially, he said all these things that made me turn to mush and I had to take several breaths before responding. This is generally the effect he has on me.
A few days ago I sent him a message telling him hello, asking him how he was, and saying that I missed him. I said 'to be honest, I loved talking to you' and mentioned that he is the first person I've met who seemed to care about certain things (like writing, idealist-type things, lol) the way I do, and wanted to talk about it. I apologized for not being a better friend this semester, that I wasn't fully myself and I regretted not seeing him more. And then I just mentioned that i thought we must have been dealing with similar things, and told him briefly about my own sense of purposeless that made me leave school. I don't want to talk about myself so much that I dominate the conversation, but I also know that you have to show trust to earn trust.
He wrote back in ten minutes, saying that my message 'made his day,' and that he 'feels so happy now' and that it's crazy how much we have in common. He said that now all he had to do was compose a 'worthy response.'
He hasn't written back and it's been a few days, but I'm not concerned about that because I'm the same way -- I need to be in a kind of 'zone' before answering to messages like that, and I need time to process.
I am good at reading people, and I know that I have to be careful not to be too pushy or too aloof -- it's hard because my tendency is NOT to put myself out there. At the same time, I don't think he'd make a move unless he knew I liked him in that way. He's incredibly kind, but I can't read into that because he's kind to EVERYONE, he never says a harsh or critical thing to someone's face, and even goes out of his way to make promises he can't keep just so he doesn't have to tell someone no. I just get the sense that he wouldn't tell me if he didn't like me because he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. At the same
time, I can't tell if the attention and kindness he shows me is really anything more than friendship. And I also know he won't say if he does like me, because he's shy.
I'M GOING CRAZY HERE. Not to mention my own insecurities are bubbling up - I don't think I'm very attractive so I have a hard time imagining anyone else thinks so, let alone this guy who has a million pretty girls as friends.
I'm so sorry this was such a long post -- I am just so clueless about how to proceed, how to read him, etc. He's clouding all my people-reading abilities and it's driving me crazy. Good crazy, i admit, but still crazy! :)