[INFP] A bad strategy of trying to heal to cure loneliness. Anyone else?

A bad strategy of trying to heal to cure loneliness. Anyone else?

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This is a discussion on A bad strategy of trying to heal to cure loneliness. Anyone else? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I'm wondering if anyone does this too. INFP's (I think ... if not ... ??) will sometimes have a bent ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    A bad strategy of trying to heal to cure loneliness. Anyone else?

    I'm wondering if anyone does this too. INFP's (I think ... if not ... ??) will sometimes have a bent for helping and healing others, and I think I have this too (don't laugh), but what I'll do is look for people who are alone or lonely, listen to their thoughts and feelings, try to feel them for myself, and then talk like I would giving myself advice. Most of the time I do this, it's because I'M lonely though, and I have so far come to this forum as an outlet for that (which I am kind of sorry about, actually <_<) The vast majority of the time I don't get the intended results, which is helping anyone, because it's a thousand times better to just be yourself and meet people on equal terms and lighten up, joke around, don't take stuff so seriously. Can anyone relate to this? I'm like "blah blah blah blah and that is the divine truth, amen" and I'm all proud of it and the other person is like, "so anyway ...". Does anyone else get really serious like that though and I guess fall into the thinking that what they are for is to spread some divine truth instead of actually relating to people just as yourself? (I definitely don't have any pancake mix, if that reference isn't too out there)

    (Also, as an apology, I'm sorry for doing that ... I'm not sure I'm very skilled at catching myself ...)

    If so, what do you do? I just get lonely is all, and I've found, ime, that there is nothing I can do about it, no amount of thinking differently or trying to feel it or wait it out that helps, with the one exception of just acting like it isn't there, and (crossing my fingers) I think that helps. Thinking of it as maybe just chemical, something not really a part of me, but just a sensation in my environment ... I think it helps. What are your thoughts on this?
    Rusalka, starflower, Elizabeth and 3 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    Being this way IS acting like yourself.
    Be thankfull for this personality type. It's not a common thing. Most people live life with apathy while us infp's are living more altruistically. The next time someone shuts down your honest and sincere attempt to show yourself through meaningfull conversations, tell them (in a nice way) what apathy means and how you're different. ...they should gain an interest in you.

    Apathy is another term for passivity, submissiveness, and even numbness. It is reaching epidemic proportions when it comes to social, economic, environmental, and political issues. Symptoms include lack of awareness, concern, social responsibility and action.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    I can quite relate to what you said. Only difference being that I don't get discouraged when I get a no light-bulb response from the person. What we offer when giving advice is one or few of the possibilities that a person can choose to solve the problem. Even if he/she doesn't think it's a way to solve the problem at least they know how you cope with it and that it is one of the ways. You never know, maybe what you say can provoke a stream of ideas which will lead to an answer.
    ptarmigan thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by BunBurry View Post
    Being this way IS acting like yourself.
    Be thankfull for this personality type. It's not a common thing. Most people live life with apathy while us infp's are living more altruistically. The next time someone shuts down your honest and sincere attempt to show yourself through meaningfull conversations, tell them (in a nice way) what apathy means and how you're different. ...they should gain an interest in you.

    Apathy is another term for passivity, submissiveness, and even numbness. It is reaching epidemic proportions when it comes to social, economic, environmental, and political issues. Symptoms include lack of awareness, concern, social responsibility and action.
    epidemic is an understatement

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    I relate too, too much to what you said. I do the same thing, but depending on who I am with, I tone it down enough so that I don't totally reveal who I am to them. It's partly to feel less alone and to try to connect with people, and partly to feel like I am helping them and that perhaps I will be needed in the future. Most of the people that give me that apathetic reaction, don't really respond with anything insightful, or don't try to continue the conversation... I realize there is a reason I haven't fully revealed myself to them. They are not really worth pursuing. I share your frustration, though.
    ptarmigan thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    INFP take life too seriously, but we're also big kids who need time to play too.

    Don't forget to play, and when you're playing, play with other people. You won't be as lonely. ;)
    ptarmigan thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers

    It might not be a bad thing in itself, and I think you guys are right, and that there is something to just having a little more confidence in yourself and not feeling lost if you don't get positive feedback. The thing is though that I don't use it to really share myself at all. It's a way for me to be with people while keeping my emotions tame, as I'm a bit shy. I suppose too that it's not even at all that I want them to need me, just that I want them to be able to relate ... it's a kind of small talk to me, a kind of thing that says, ok, you're safe and I can trust you.

    So again it's not bad in itself, but I am giving people a very small window to relate. It would be important with people to be more open and trusting. If I am worried and struggling to trust, I'll put too much energy into thinking on how to respond to people. People notice, and it is dissonant for them. Relating in abstractions is very easy to me. I feel at home with them, and they have some distance from things I am less sure about when it comes to myself, which would be the details and particulars of my life. Even though I live the way I do because I enjoy it, I only at length might believe it is not very boring and uninteresting to others. I think I am a pretty simple person. I like very simple things. Sharing such things is emotional to me just BECAUSE I hold them back. I must not be very confident that they are lovable things about me, and so even in things I enjoy I feel a tinge of shame for not feeling quite comfortable with my uniqueness as an individual, ironically, I think, because so much of it is so ordinary. I can't wrap my head around that at the moment because it is so twisted around.

    Thank you for sharing your INFPness~ ^_^. I am glad to hear it any time people say caring for others is a good thing to be happy about.
    starflower and Elizabeth thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    When you make yourself one of your main values, when you allow yourself to love yourself, you'll find you can share yourself more easily.

    We INFP are value driven, we defend our values, we are inspired by our values, so start making sure you recognize the potential of your own humanity. If you give yourself value and uphold it, you'll do ok in this world

    Why do you assume that your simple pleasures aren't things other can appreciate? Why do you think that others cannot appreciate you the way you appreciate yourself? Or is it that you haven't fully realized that you do appreciate yourself?


     

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