[INFP] INFPs, do you feel guilty breaking up with someone? - Page 2

INFPs, do you feel guilty breaking up with someone?

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This is a discussion on INFPs, do you feel guilty breaking up with someone? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; As a type we naturally avoid conflict, because I think we don't like making others feel bad. Actually this may ...

  1. #11
    INFP - The Idealists

    As a type we naturally avoid conflict, because I think we don't like making others feel bad. Actually this may be short-term thinking, we're only dealing with the feelings of the present and not thinking of the feelings of the future. Interesting notion that.

    Anyway in the long run, break-ups are usually for the best. If two people were meant to be together then they will be together, but trying to salvage a relationship that isn't supposed to happen is a recipe for miserable people.

    Perhaps we INFP need to think of conflict in terms of short term versus long term sometimes.
    Seralya and lopare232 thanked this post.

  2. #12
    INFP - The Idealists

    The last girl I broke up with I feel a bit guilty for. She did do a lot for me, and I saw that she was really trying to make it work.
    But I just didn't have the energy for it at the time and didn't see a future in it.

  3. #13
    INFP - The Idealists

    Back in my early 20's, I was just a terrible boyfriend. I was uncommunicative and very closed off. So I never broke up with anyone because eventually my girlfriends would break up with me. Looking back at it now, I realize that I was being passive aggressive. I wasn't mean or anything, but I was distant. I figured if they broke up with me, it would be easier for them because I was never very emotionally invested in my relationships back then.

    I think the guilt comes from INFP empathy. It's not we feel guilty about ending bad relationships. We just don't like making other people feel bad.
    Seralya thanked this post.

  4. #14

    No, I haven't felt guilty because when I am in a relationship I give 110% (not my own thought, be told that by many observers). So when it's gotten to that point I've been run over so much that I think he's the Devil and he's got it coming. I've actually never been with a nice guy. Next time I'll be with a sweetheart and I really don't think I could walk away from a nice guy I commited to.

  5. #15
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Rusalka View Post
    It is the logical thing to do, and yet, it hurts so much, because feelings are such intangible and ephemeral things. I hate to consciously make decisions based on feelings, because I find them unreliable, as I, being an INFP, can over-analyze everything I feel or think until it becomes a nonobjective piece of mush that is useless to me. They, again, are also so ephemeral and evanescent that it's really hard to catch and cage that essence and feel it consistently for a long time. When you make the final decision on whether to break up with that person or not, it may not be the right decision to make, because there are so many different shades of feeling, and feelings change over time.

    The feeling of love to me is like water: you can't hold it in your hands, and the harder you try to keep that feeling, the faster it will silently slip through your fingers until you can't feel it anymore,

    Sorry for that rant. Guilt is pretty normal to feel, too. I particularly felt nothing but guilt at my inability to return affection so easily and plentifully given to me, and infinite depression and sadness at how everything, even the purest of things, can come to an end and leave two people, once so happy, so incredibly bitter.
    Just wanted to say that this is beautiful and I'm so glad I'm not alone.
    Rusalka thanked this post.

  6. #16
    INFP - The Idealists

    Yes..its a tough pill to swallow for both parties.

  7. #17
    INFP - The Idealists

    The one time I actually had to do it, I felt HORRIBLE. Months and months on end.
    As someone who's been dumped most of the time, it sucked to do it.
    Sometimes people don't work together and we have to accept it. Not accepting it leads to bad things.
    Was it right? Yes.
    Does it still hurt me inside now and again? Yes, but a little less each day.

  8. #18
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Blackbird View Post
    Just wanted to say that this is beautiful and I'm so glad I'm not alone.
    :) Glad to see I'm not alone in my thinking.

  9. #19
    INFP - The Idealists


    Yes.
    But I also feel guilty for way less than that :S

  10. #20
    INFP - The Idealists

    I even feel terribly guilty for not being attracted to someone who has expressed interest and attraction to me, how crazy it that? haha
    lopare232 thanked this post.


     
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